My ethnicity and citizenship are an inherent part of who I am. I want the person I am with to respect and value both of those as I do hers. That isn't racist. That's reality. Relationships work out best when you date someone for whom you are preferred.

Okay. First of all, this is obviously a response to this post, which seemed to hit a nerve with a lot of people who appear to be making arguments that are, to me, completely unrelated to anything that I said. I've gone back and forth this morning about resurrecting my critical writing skills from university and making a huge long post about the notion of inclusion versus exclusion, and the concept of the Other. I may still do this weekend, because I think this is an issue we are all grappling with being very obvious "Others" here in Korea (some of us for the first time in our lives), and also in coping with the Korean Other and our own notions about that.

But for now, let me just say....

Yes. We all have our preferences when it comes to partners. Obviously. Your preference is for a partner who prefers your race. Which, I'd like to point out, was not what I was addressing -- what I was addressing was your partner preferring you for your race. That aside, my preference is for a partner who does not prefer anyone based on race, most of all me. Those are not my values and those are not the values I want my children raised with. If my daughter were to ever look at me and say something to the effect of, "He's really nice, but I'm just not into Indian guys," I would feel like an utter failure of a parent. And I don't want my partner in bringing up said daughter to be giving her the idea that race has absolutely any bearing whatsoever on a person's value, as a partner, or as a person. Or, for that matter, on their beauty value, which is another huge issue altogether.

That's just my preference.

I have a feeling this won't be the end of this....

1 comment:

saharial said...

It will never be the end of it I agree, but its good that there are calm ways of discussing things like here :)
I think when reading about the issue, the reader has to call into question, like i did, their own motivation for the preference and this can actually clash with what is held as an ideal and people will go on the defensive. Its a very personal issue, but I'm really happy to be reminded every now and then about my motivation and ideals and what do i stand for/against as its easy to forget in the day to day part of life.
I'd rather be reminded to exaimne my attitude as a healthy self check than suddenly discover i've become something that i didn't actually want or mean to be :)
Hope that made sense!