Sorting it out.

The truth is, I need to stop scratching out blog entries while I'm at work. Because, in the moment, it makes things sound much worse than they are. Because in the moment, things often feel much worse than they are.

In this world, I think there are really two kinds of people: the people who get more worked up when they rant, and the people who rant in order to vent and calm down. I'm the latter. As I said earlier this week, I'm having issues with feeling like I'm not heard at the moment. Rattling off a quick ranty blog entry helps me to get that out of my system and go back to smiling my fucking face off at my coworkers and students. But it's probably not appropriate, given that I feel like I've been giving a really slanted view of things lately. Because once I get out of work and finally do get home, I fuck off to doing all of the things that I really enjoy. I'm happy in that moment, and don't feel like taking any of that time to write.

I'm also trying really hard not to rant at the S.O. about work at the moment. He takes it really well, but really.... if you were working 16 hour days and never hearing the end of it from your seniors about mistakes you've made, even though you're really giving it your all, would you want to go home at the end of the day to hear your girlfriend whine about her extra hour or two here and there? No. You would not. Because that would be a shitty thing for her to do. So I'm trying not to do it.

The truth is, 80% of my time at work now is spent teaching. Which means 80% of my time at work now is really, really excellent. I also took the time to settle the matter with one of the homeroom teachers today, and really actually do not give a toss about the other (Holly Hobbie), because my impression is that she's kind of an uptight princess who would probably judge me no matter what I did, so what does it matter? None of the teachers I like talk to her anyway.

And about the co who was doing the talking: I like her. And I really do feel like she's just under a lot of pressure right now. I don't think she means to do any harm, and is probably genuinely worried about me during class time. She's really putting a lot of effort into helping me to discipline the students lately, which shows me that she cares. So that doesn't really bother me, either. Because her intentions are not bad. They are probably, actually, very good. And she's definitely having a harder time than I am right now.

Regarding the forty lesson plans... it's not that I mind doing them. It's the truth, actually, that I just get away with not doing them most of the time. What I do mind is being expected to do them under a time crunch. So I talked it over with Head Teacher, and after initially telling me that they needed to be done by six class (at the beginning of four class, when I had to teach both four and five AND during my leftover lunch time), she decided that it would be alright for me to wait until the end of the after school course to hand them in. Which is much more reasonable and, in fact, even quite simple. Doing the paperwork for forty lesson plans in literally zero available time is not possible. Doing the paperwork for four lesson plans a week is no biggie.

At any rate, I still didn't leave work until after 5. Haha. I'm all talk.

I really do wish I had more time to talk about the students. But I'm teaching so many classes at the moment that it's all just kind of blurring together. One thing I will say is that they found out today that Grandma INP is coming to visit in a couple of weeks and, before I even had the chance to tell them myself, came out of their seats asking if she would come to school and if they could meet her. I've never seen so many teenage boys get so excited over meeting a 70 year old woman before. I told them that they have to promise to be polite and not say any bad words. They assured me that they would behave like gentlemen. And I trust that they will.

There are lots of stories to be told. About Jaegook, who lights up a fucking room with his goofy face which has a permanent smile plastered on it, and his gaggly long limbs moving in every which direction, and how I found out he doesn't have a mother and actually carries a lot of adult responsibilities at home. About how I assumed he was one of the most innocent and childlike third graders we have, and was wrong. About Seokhyeon and Mingoo running into me with the S.O., and me getting totally delicious revenge when I ran into them with their girlfriends yesterday. About how I realized then how much fucking makeup the girls who have boyfriends like Seokhyeon and Mingoo in middle school wear. About how Yeongjae, the odd after school student, is coming along nicely with Yeongwoo as his partner, and starting to open up and smile and make jokes and not just shut down and stutter and turn red any time I look at him. About how even Mingi (first grade Mingi, not third grade Mingi) who I thought was going to be my biggest challenge in the after school class hid in a cupboard until I came to class today and then jumped out of it laughing. About how I'm adjusting to teaching these younger students, even though it's been quite challenging.

But for now, it's date night. And, as the S.O. put it, after a hard day at work, the only thing to do is, "먹고 마시고 죽자". So I'm off to get ready to do at least two of those things, now.

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