돼지

If I could install some kind of automatic electric shock system in all of the classrooms and have it zap the students any time they used one word, it would be "pig", in any form, Korean or English. It is by far the most overused and undercreative insult I hear 500+ times on a daily basis, and I hate it. I hate it so much that I don't even give the students a reason why they need to not say it. We don't even talk about it. It's gone beyond that point. They know it's not nice. They know it's tacky. And I just say, "No." And that's the end of that discussion. Just no.

Today I got to first class a little early and was just kind of trundling around the classroom making small talk. A student called me over to show me the stuffed.... toy? He had. He slowly maneuvered it into position and then dramatically enacted the thing eating his arm. Then, he looked up at me with expectant eyes.

First graders are different.

".... Did he eat your arm?"

"네!"

"But he's so cute! Why does he eat people?"

This, apparently, was the right response, because the kid fell over in a fit of giggles. Little kids confuse the fuck out of me, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. Fucking little weirdos.

Just at that moment, another student happened to be literally dancing past us in the aisle. The situation caught his attention and he paused mid-shuffle and tilted his head to the side, observing and thinking very hard about something.

Then, he slowly moved his eyes up: "샘!"

"Yes sir?"

"돼지고기! 맛있어요!"

God help me if I didn't snigger. But I don't feel too bad. The 돼지 고기 was falling out of his seat laughing, as well.