I'm way too distracted to teach today. Which is a shame, because I have two somewhat difficult classes during my regular day, and then the nightmare class after school. It's six class Friday. Maybe that means it will go by fast, at least.
I was up way too late last night looking at photos of the baby over and over again. It really breaks my heart not to be able to hold his little hands, feel his little tummy, and tell him hello and welcome to the world. They always talk about how sentimental you'll be "when it happens to you". Of course, this isn't my kid. But I'm already feeling things I didn't expect. I can't imagine what it's doing to my brother, who is somewhere in the Middle East right now.
Well. That whole maternal thing has been bothering me lately, anyway. The longer I work with the boys, the more it's growing. I already had a pretty bad habit of mothering, but I've noticed lately that I go a bit mushy whenever a group of kindergarten kids walks past, or there's a baby running around on the sidewalk somewhere. Now, with the boys, I'd like to consider myself more of an older brother type. But the truth is, when they come in with their various scrapes and bruises (casts and crutches), or when I see them taking nosedives down the stairwells with their slippers on.... well. It's all female. What can I say? Apeuseyo? Kwenchanayo? Ya! Be careful! Don' bust your heads open. You'll shoot someone's eye out.....
And the other thing. This week has seen me doubling as a self-esteem counselor, as we are working on "I'm so worried about...." in third grade classes. I'm too short. My face is bad. Weight is too much. The height thing comes up over and over and over. I've just gone and gotten it out of the way this week, but telling every class, listen -- I'm a girl, right, sort of? Well. I think you can be short and handsome.
Teacher, no! Teacher like short man? Really?
Really. And your face is not bad. And your braces will come off eventually. And your cheeks are not too big. And your skin will clear up.
This ended up in one group of students reporting to me how they had seen an American man jogging while we were at Lotte World. I couldn't catch much of the actual Korean, but the miming was enough to follow. He had big muscles, was very tall and had an immensely handsome face. Big eyes. Teacher like this man, we think.
Well, you see kiddos. He looks so handsome to you because he looks different. To me, maybe he will just seem normal. Maybe Teacher will think he is boring.
Teacher think he boring? No! REALLY?
Well, I'm not saying that. All I'm saying, boys, is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Stop being so hard on yourselves.
I don't wanna go to work today. At all. Please go by quickly.