My apartment is a wreck, and I've got about ten or so unanswered emails in my usually tidy-as-fuck inbox. That'll all get done today, though, as I take to the very serious task that has been set for me to be a body for $20 an hour this week.

Please, VP, don't let me down. I'm way to restless to stare at a computer screen and fidget for 40 hours this week.

The truth is, I'm really stressed out about this trip. And that's just not the way it should be. I'm still uncomfortable spending the money, which is ridiculous because I never hesitated before when I honestly didn't have it to spend. I guess that's the way things go. I'm just trying to get my life straight, these days.

Spent the whole day with HJ again yesterday. She's so beautiful, I really can't get over it. It was really nice to be able to talk to a Korean about a lot of things I've been thinking about lately -- she's been thinking about them too, learning English and talking to foreigners. She asked me if it sounded strange to hear Koreans speak English, and how it was with an accent and grammar mistakes. I explained that we're used to hearing other people speak English, so it doesn't sound strange to us, but told her about how people react sometimes when I speak Korean. She said it was as I suspected -- it sounds very strange for Koreans to hear foreigners speaking Korean. I also said the more I study Korean, the more I think the very structure is different and it seems like it's a hard language, because one mispronunciation can change the entire meaning of what you're saying, whereas in English you can make many mistakes and still be understood. She said I was absolutely right. She's going to help me find a class so that I can get better.

She also asked what I've been reading lately, and I explained how, although my English grammar is very strong, I've been reading a lot about grammar and the structure of English lately, because as a native speaker, there are things I only know inherently and by habit, but don't yet understand technically. But I have to understand it technically to be able to efficiently explain it to others -- how I'm learning how infinitely complicated English really is, and I could study it (my native language) for another 20 years and not fully understand. She said that when she sat in on my classes, it was very helpful for her, because I don't just say, "You say it this way," but explain why you say it this way, why certain things are okay and why others are not -- that it's much easier for her to learn the structure than to just memorize phrases, and encouraged me to keep studying.

We also talked about the dancing incident on New Year's Eve. She said she thinks expression is on a spectrum of vulnerability -- that writing falls at one end, and dancing at the other, with painting somewhere in between. She said she thinks writing is more intellectual, and therefore less vulnerable, and that maybe I'm a more protected person -- that's why I never thought about dancing before. I said she was right -- my way of relating to other people has always been most strongly through language, and physical interaction is much harder for me. But everyday I'm learning more about its value. She said when she was younger, she was the same.

After lunch, a movie, coffee.... she took me back to her apartment to show me some books and ended up cooking me dinner. Didn't get home until nearly ten. She leaves for Indochina for a month a few days after I leave for Paris. I don't think there's anywhere she hasn't been.

Anyway, I'd better stop rambling now and get ready for "work". Ugh. Well I guess there's worse things I could be doing with my time. I'll just think of it as study hall.

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