Constantly under attack.

Things that have happened in the last week:

1.
I walked into 3-5 class B ban. I didn't even get my fucking usb stick plugged into the computer before Minchan shouted out: "TEACHER! How old Teacher?"

"American age or Korean age?"

"네?"

"Never mind. I'm 27."

"TEACHER OLD!"

"Thank you, Minchan. I'm sure that answer was probably coming no matter what."

"네?"

"I said, thank you Minchan!"

"네!"

2.
I walked into 3-4 B ban and before I even had a chance to get my usb stick plugged in, Jaegook came running over to give me a "선물". The entire class was gathered around me at the podium, watching closely with their beady little eyes.

Do they seriously have no idea how obvious they are?

I turned the box-looking object Jaegook was handing me over to reveal a massive tarantula encased in glass. Dead, obviously. I said: "Oh..."

They all started at me for a minute, before someone from the back said, "Oh? Teacher's not afraid....?" They shrank in disappointment, and even looked a little embarrassed, as if they had made some kind of collective bad joke. I actually felt at little guilty.

"Not afraid," I said. "In my hometown, there are many, many of these. You have to close your windows at night, or they will try to sleep in your bed with you. If you walk to the store, maybe you will see fifteen on the way."

"OH MY GOD REALLY TEACHER?"

"Haha no. Sit down."

3.
I walked into class 3-3 B ban and before I could even get my usb stick plugged in, the students started an epically loud countdown from ten in Korean. They were darting their eyes back and forth between me and one student who, it just so happened, was staring me down in the most sarcastic deadpan I've ever seen in my life. On and on the countdown went. I somehow instinctively knew better than to try to interrupt and ask them what it was, exactly, that they were doing.

They hit "일". The kid who was deadpanning me from across the room's face suddenly burst wide open into the biggest, most grotesque, most shocking display of 애교 I have ever seen in my entire life. There were V signs. There was double-pointing. There was winking. The whole nine yards.

I clamped my hand over my chest and fell face-first onto the podium. "애교 attack...." I muttered as I went down. "Why didn't any of you warn me?"