A 'philosophical' debate: On 'foreign men and Korean women'.


I wasn’t going to do it. It felt too easy. But since you crowd know a lot more about my confusion on my role as a foreign female in a relationship with a Korean man than these people do, I would like to hear what you have to say. Also, maybe some of the ‘foreign men with Korean women’ would like to weigh in as well, given that I’m apparently not allowed to on your behalf.

Have fun, kiddos!


Emma Faye said...

I love your blog. I also love your comments in response to that post, particularly about how it's more anti-feminist to say that the "non-English speaking girl" is a delicate little flower. Hello! Give these women some agency! When people insult my boyfriend's English, I have the same attitude as you. (You wanna fucking die? Do you know anything about us?) Last night my coworker told me that he found him abrasive, as if that wouldn't be offensive to me because he's Korean...so therefore...you know...like...not a full person. Great.

Anyway, keep writing and sharing. I love it.


Keep It Real said...

I read the entire exchange, and I'm going to have to go with your side on this one, IMP. I'm in an inter-racial relationship. My husband is Chinese. We've been married 7 years. He's not American ... yet.

I've been the recipient and observer of stupidity about our relationship from "good meaning" people and strangers alike.

Some examples:
When we had moved to our smaller town in Arkansas we went to a small grocery store and two women took it upon themselves to follow us around and whisper to themselves about him. "Is he Mexican? Or Chinese? I think he's Mexican. Oh look, he can speak English."

Another time:"'Oh, your husband is from Canada? How did you communicate?" ... Er, English. Turns to my husband 'Your English is really good!" Well, it WAS his first language ...

And my favorite. I got into the elevator at work after my husband dropped me off my lunch that I had forgotten. A coworker asked me, "What's for lunch?" "Sandwich and fruit," I said. They looked at me confused. "Oh, you didn't order Chinese food?" No, that was my husband. They shut up for the rest of the ride up.

Rob-o-SE-yo said...

"Korean...so therefore...you know...like...not a full person"

I've seen this phenomenon before with both males and females who have Korean significant others -- the non-Koreans cling together and hesitate to approach the Koreans at the table, whether because they're unsure what language level they speak, or because they're just excited to be around other native speakers, or because of a little latent "othering" going on (I don't want to call it straight-up racism, but there's a little "otherness" at the table, you know?

I've seen couples where the Korean half loses interest in hanging out with the western half's friends because s/he's tired of being ignored, or treated like an accessory. I've also seen couples where the Korean half gets right in the thick of the social interactions... but usually through some effort.

사람 마다 달라요.

INP: I'm annoyed by eve because she didn't answer your specific questions. And in the same way I call down western men who disparage western women in Korea as ... you know the tropes ... I tire of western women trotting out the tired stereotypes of western men.

Mally said...

It made me giggle to see her start throwing a hissy fit in the comments section.

But she just sounds bitter as hell, I guess she has been ignored by Korean and Western men alike since coming to Korea. It's time for her to just go home.

Gomushin Girl said...

Wow. Just . . . wow. The stupidity of that post blew me away. Tried to leave a fairly nice, reasonable response, but I can't help but think that the dude is not the one in this scenario who is the dirtbag . . .

Tim said...

Well, i live in a small town, really small. Once the other foreigners knew about my Korean gf (that i have been with for over a year now, speaks great English), they stopped messaging/calling me. I don't give a flying f*ck about judgemental pricks, but i can imagine that this is the sort of bullshit conversations they have about us, and they have never even met or seen her.

I guess some people love to bitch and moan about things without properly knowing about a situation.

Diana E.S. said...

I kind of felt bad for the lass since she had a point she wanted to make, but failed to do so in a way that was thoughtful, sensitive, coherent, or intelligible. I think we've all been there.

That said, you called her out in a lovely way. :-) There is too much judgmentalness (yes, yes I claim that is a word) going on in the world, especially in the world of K-bloggery/ESL teachers. Continue to fight the good fight. Everyone is human first, dammit!

3gyupsal said...


This Is Me Posting said...

Gotta say, INP, I haven't always agreed with everything you've ever written, but I'm 100% on your side of the debate on this one. For what it's worth, I think you debated the points far more efficiently than Eve did and you did try your best to point out her absolute hypocrisy. Well done.