Sigh. I think I've been spoiled by hanging out almost exclusively with females lately. I love the boys, but I have something to say....
Western men: If you do not have even one single close male Korean friend, please abstain from telling me about how Korean men are, because you heard it from your friend's Korean girlfriend who -- let's face it -- is not exactly the most "normal" example of a Korean woman to begin with. And when I point out that I have had hugely, epically, monstorously larger interactions with Korean men of all types than you have (giving a taxi driver directions? ordering a drink at the bar?), don't then proceed to argue with me and inform me that I can't really know because I don't understand the culture.
I'm sorry your Korean girlfriend has had a habit of dating shitty, abusive, disgusting men. But sitting around and listening to her bitch about her ex boyfriends does not mean that you have reached a higher level of cultural understanding in Korea than I have by interacting with actual Korean men of all types, positions and ages on a daily basis, in all kinds of scenarios, including in my work and social life.
Furthermore, expats of Korea: If you generally have the view that all Koreans are ___________ (insert negative trait here), then what you need to do is take a good look at the people you are interacting with. Why are you hanging around shitty people? Who's fault is that? Get your fucking life together and take some responsibility for yourself. To conjure up the idea that an entire country crammed full of people has nothing decent to offer you in the way of friendship or interaction, rather than taking a look at the social situations you are engaging in, is just really fucking lazy. And childish.
I really, really don't care for some of the shit the group Smalltown's been hanging around with come out with sometimes, and how he can start to be a little swayed by them when he spends too much time around them. Those guys have complained from the beginning that I won't really give anyone out there a chance, other than Smalltown -- none of the others even so much as have my phone number, and I will not meet them alone without Smalltown, although I'm always polite when I see them out. But this is why. As nice as they can be to me, they still have some fucked up ways of dealing with the country that they are living in, and I don't have time for that shit. I don't have the patience or the motivation to deal with their territorial bullshit attitudes toward Korean men, while they have no problems whatsoever dating, sleeping with and marrying the women. Or their inability to realize that the girls they are dating, sleeping with and marrying have strings of long histories of abusive relationships do not have those histories because they had the misfortune of being born Korean. Let me give you some phone numbers. Let me tell you some stories. Let me open your eyes to how un-Korean it all is. Back home, you were just content to ignore it, because it was a women's issue. Nice to see you've suddenly had a completely mystifying change of heart, though.
ALSO. You are like forty billion years old. And so is your girlfriend. I'm twenty-five. Please don't get mentally confused about how your interactions with fucking old-as-hell ajeosshi must somehow mean that you know how my date with a 27 year old is going to go. Mind your fucking business. I'm glad you feel as though your girlfriend needs you to protect her (lol), but I certainly don't. Thanks for the condescending lecture though, you impotent, arrogant fucking assholes.
Well. I feel better.
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13 comments:
Well said.
Thank you for saying this. I've grown up as an expat kid since I was 9, and I'm so used to hearing my dad/dad's coworkers, etc. slamming locals with generalizations about personality & culture when they never really interact with them outside of a very limited business context. It bugs the hell out of me, and I think it's terrible that this sort of thing goes on pretty much everywhere else.
Glad to see that you're taking a stand on it and not putting up with their crap. :)
I miss these...
Valid points. Now what advice would you have for Koreans, particularly men, on how to deal with the foreign population here?
Douglas -- Excuse me? That's a good example of the kind of attitude I'm talking about. If you have advice for Koreans, or something to say, feel free to write it yourself. I write about what I want to write about, when I want to write about it. I don't really need your input.
Picasso,
I asked you a simple question. There is no reason to light me up like that or make assumptions about me or the reasons why I might ask it. You don't know me from jack or what attitudes I may or may not have. If you don't want to answer it, ignore it. I was simply curious. You seem to be thoughtful enough to analyze the local expat population and I thought you might have some observations about the locals. Apparently, I was mistaken.
Make assumptions about you suggesting that I might have some behavioral suggestions for specifically Korean men in response to my criticism of something that directly affects me coming from foreign men? It wasn't that hard to clock on to what you meant. If you don't have the balls to stand behind it when this author picks up on an undercurrent, then don't make the comment. When Korean men do something that pisses me off, I will post about it. Until then, if you've got an issue with them, you are free to create your own blog and fill it to your heart's content.
Furthermore, I will respond to comments in my own blog in whatever manner I choose. If you don't like it, then *you* are free to ignore it, or go somewhere else.
Picasso,
I stand behind what I ask and I mean what I say. I doubt whether you are either telepathic or omniscient to be able to deduce anyone's intentions from a single question. Believe me, you're not that bright. As for issues, I suggest you look closer to home. You seem like you have your own culture shock issues to work out. Good luck with life here.
The 'suggestions' just keep on coming. No wonder this post hit close to home for you, Douglas dear! Good luck finding someone who values your 'wisdom'!!!! xo!!
I really liked this post. But it's not on Tumblr so I have to just say "I really liked this post" like a dbag instead of just clicking the little heart button like a lazy person.
Man there are some people in need of some amazing attitude adjustments.........
Nathan -- Agreed. On a lot of levels.
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