10.21.2010

THE Myth, Part IV -- The Awakening: The women, after.

Cont. from THE Myth, Part I -- Before Korea: Sleeping with Asian men is hilarious.
And THE Myth, Part II: The women, before.
And THE Myth, Part III: In which I'm no Picasso grows a pair.

There was something strange in the air in the ROK come late summer, 2009. I was nearly the end of my first year, and I was doing a lot of reflection back to when I had first arrived, how things had been then, and how things were now. And there was something discernibly different.

It wasn't uncommon, suddenly, for me to be out and about in my local area and spot not just the occasional woman amongst a myriad of male companions, but even groups of women. And they didn't seem miserable at all. They were laughing and talking and interacting with the people around them -- they seemed happy. The men in the area had changed as well. Now, when I walked into the local foreigner bars, nearly everyone inside would turn around and smile, whether they knew me or not, the men included. There were also more women, both Korean and Western, mixed in with the groups of men.

Even stranger, I had begun to have very different first encounters with Western women. Standing outside a local university one day, smoking a cigarette, one made her way toward me. After a few minutes discussing all the usual details, she looked up at me out of the corner of her eyes, squinted and said, "So, have you got it?"

"Got what?"

"The fever."

"The I'm sorry?"

"Yellow fever. I don't mean that exactly, but you know what I mean. Are you into Korean guys?"

And then something earth-shattering happened: threads began to appear on Dave's ESL Cafe started by women who were planning to come to Korea. The subject of these threads were not what they would need to bring along with them, or how to sort out the details of their contracts -- they were what to expect of the dating situation with Korean men, and how the culture would be different. And for the first time I'd ever witnessed on Dave's, not only were there enough women with strong enough voices to shout down the occasional asshat who stumbled in and posted something along the lines of "UR ALLZ GONNA BE SAD AND LONELY RAAAAH!" and "SMALL PENISES! WAHEY!" and "FAT! FEMINIST!", but there were also a number of male posters contributing to the conversation in a respectful, non-threatened manner.

I had begun to spot my first Western female/Korean male couples holding hands around Seoul. Something was definitely up.

These were small, but noticeable changes. And if we had worked hard enough at it, eventually we would have made enough small, but noticeable changes for it to culminate into one big change. One big change that would mean that we no longer had to endure hysterical laughter at the prospect of us, as Western women, being involved with Asian men. That would mean we no longer had to protest in vain against a group of men who were so thoroughly entrenched in their own mythology about our situations here, that even our real life experience felt measly as an example against their continued insistence that they knew better than we did. That would mean we didn't have to deal with all kinds of side-eye and rude, childish, unacceptable behavior when we were seen out with Korean men.

But this is where the Korean dating bloggers came in and made one big change all at once. Gave a validating and public platform to not only their own experiences as Western women with Korean men, but also opened up dialogue and discussion without shame among a whole lot of Western women (and men) at once.

I cannot, no matter how hard I try, remember how I first came across them. I can't even remember which one I found first. But around this same time, somebody somewhere drew my attention to three blogs. These blogs were Dating in Korea, Hooking up in Hanguk and Hot Yellow Fellows.

Women were blogging in Korea. Women were blogging in Korea about dating. Women were blogging in Korea about dating Korean men. And other women around the world were eating it up.

These women weren't sad and lonely. They most certainly were not sexless. And, most importantly, anonymity for the sake of sexual content aside, they were not embarrassed. They had no reason to be. And the men they were with were attractive to them, and the men they were with were not sexually impotent.

For the first time ever, if a post came up on Dave's quoting that quickly-becoming-ancient-and-defunct myth about how Western women and Korean men just didn't happen, women didn't have to repeat that that wasn't true for them, over and over again, while being shouted down as liars or delusional: they could just post a few links and let the men see for themselves. Women all around me had started speaking up: Did you hear about? Did you see? Me too. I like them, too.

And for the first time ever, women back in the States or the UK or Australia or New Zealand or South Africa looking to come to the ROK could do a google search and find something other than male-dominated dialogue about the female experience. Or a complete lack of information entirely. They were no longer reliant on the male retelling of the myth -- the myth had finally been dealt an unequivocal and fatal blow.

Did they end world hunger? No. Neither did they solve the crisis in the Middle East. I'm not going to grandstand about the importance of what the dating bloggers did, but they did alter the perception of what foreign women in Korea could realistically expect of their time here. And they put an end to a hell of a lot of superiority women had been dealing with out of male foreigners for a long time. It is bigger than 'omg Nichkhun Oppah saranghaeyo~~!' It is bigger than just having a 'thing' for Korean guys, or even just the acceptance of Western female/Korean male couplings. It has had an impact on relations within the foreinger community, as well. Women are no longer to be thought of as straggling, desperate albatrosses hanging around the necks of their male counterparts -- they have options. They are on equal footing.

In a way, it's a shame that that's what it took. That being able to prove that Western women could have sex in Korea could have such a powerful effect on the expat community's collective psyche. And we're not all the way there yet -- not by a long shot. But you can trust that anytime you hear a comment or see a post online about the myth, it's coming from someone who is tragically out of date, and at least somewhat isolated in their own experience. Now, women are not the ones who are obviously left out in the cold -- it's the people who make these claims that are clearly 'sad and lonely'. On that, nearly everyone can now, finally, agree.

This is where this post originally ended. And then, something else happened. DIK and HYF got called out by an anonymous commenter, who one can only assume has not had her dainty little feet on Korean soil for too long, for creating a bad image of foreign women in Korea. This anonymous poster had been approached by "a few" Korean men whose end designs were sexual relations, and had decided that this was the fault of DIK, HYF and other women like them, who are open about the fact that yes, actually they can have relationships (of all kinds!) here in the ROK.

Something else happened before that, when another K dating blogger (again, a woman), who I won't link for diplomacy's sake, made a few different rather biting comments about having seen foreign women who were, in her eyes, less than attractive (again, stating things mildly) with Korean men.

And I just think.... one step forward, two steps back. And who's doing it this time? Western men in Korea? No. Other women.

We can't win, apparently, even with ourselves. We don't have sex in Korea, and it's because we can't, because nobody wants us. We do have sex in Korea, and it's somehow to blame for the long history of a very heavily documented and obvious stereotypes of Western women that have existed in Korea since the concept of Western woman has existed in Korea. We're the reason why men engage in repulsive assumptions and unacceptable behavior toward us. And when we do finally start having sex, it's not because we're deserving of it, but only because -- suddenly! -- Korean men aren't not attracted to Western women -- they are, in fact, attracted to all of us, regardless of whether or not we are actually attractive.

And when the comment section here on I'm no Picasso takes a hit from that old dinosaur of a nuisance, the bitter, out-of-touch-with-reality, nasty, entitled white male, what happens? Do women step in and get back in their faces? No. One did. Everyone else stayed out of it. But when women start attacking other women on DIK's blog? Women come out of the wood works to leave reams of comments echoing the same exact ideology. (To be fair, many also commented to back the dating bloggers up -- but it was about 50/50, all the way through.)

What the fuck?

I mean, I'm going to go a little liberal arts college 101 on you all here for a minute. Some of us come from a little thing called the working class. Some of us grew up in this world and processed it on first a literal level, only to go on to then study it excessively theoretically at university. Which changed things. The two identities I have which I have most closely examined have been that of being working class and that of being a woman. They are both identities that I was born into with no input or responsibility of my own. They're both identities that I have always felt fiercely defensive of, since a time before I was able to articulate that defense on anything other than a guttural level. And my articulation of that defense, to this day, remains somewhat guttural. That part of me wants to tell everyone to just get fucked and mind their own fucking business -- to fuck off out of my face, because I don't have to explain shit to anyone. It's not my job to educate you about myself, what I am and where I come from, so that you can "understand" why I have the same rights as you do. If you don't understand me, if you don't like the rights I claim for myself, then you don't have to keep engaging with me. In fact, I would prefer it if you wouldn't. In fact, I'm straight out telling you not to. I'm not asking you to understand me. I don't need your understanding. I'm going to take what's mine, and if you think I need to be stopped, then you're fucking welcome to try.

But when I see anyone else who falls into the category of these same identities attacking that identity, something in my heart just fails. Because the educated part of me knows where that's coming from. Knows that that is a result of carefully constructed systems of control that outside forces have put into place so that we will police ourselves. Like the racism that runs rampant through the working class, pitting the poor of this color against the poor of that color, so that they end up spending all their energy and hatred and blame on each other, instead of realizing that they're fighting over fucking scraps. And that they need to cut it the fuck out, and look up at who it is that has control over what's really worth fighting for.

So it is also with the women. Sex positive, sex negative. The marrying type and the whores. The lesbians and the straights. The uglies and the pretties. The fats and the thins. The blacks and the whites. The Westerners and the Koreans. The ones who date Westerners, and the ones who date Koreans.

Do you realize what you're doing? Do you know how far we've come? Is tearing down other women who choose to live their lives in a way that you don't really worth going back to being told that nobody wants us? Is there only room for one type of foreign woman in Korea? And are we the ones who are forcing that decision on ourselves? Where did we get that fucking idea from? Who is making your choices for you right now, while you're trying to control someone else's? Who made you feel like you have to hold another woman responsible for the sexual harassment you've gotten off of a man?

Just cut it the fuck out. It's too depressing to even cope with, honestly. That the second the vicious attacks from Western men start to move on the decline is the same second the women just start turning on each other is more than my poor heart can bear. That we are so quick to engage in vicious attacks and placing blame on each other, while we still hesitate so much to stand up for ourselves to men, still somehow needing their approval, is just evidence that it does go deeper for all of us than even we can understand at the moment. The fact that men can shut the fuck up and the same shit still goes down, and we're still damned if we do, damned if we don't, is unacceptable to me.

So. Foreigner Joy has issued a challenge to Western women in Korea to reevaluate the choices that they make in their personal sex lives and the effects those choices have on other foreign women. But sex lives are personal, and I'm not about to start getting into anyone else's personal business. What I will say is that, in the public world, I have a challenge for Western women as well, which is to think twice before you open your mouth to condemn another woman for being ______. Think about whether that woman is the secondary or primary cause of your discomfort or you objection. Think about why it is you feel the need to consantly compare yourself to other foreign women, and weigh their lifestyles or their looks or their sexuality against your own, especially when all of the end results that are offending you are coming out of the behavior of, or approval of, or lack of approval of men. Think about why you're making other women responsible.

Stop fighting over scraps. Get yours, in your own way. Live and be happy and correct the behavior of every person who tries to get in the way of that directly. Create your own image of the ideal foreign woman in Korea, and do your best to promote it right along side all the other images, so that someday we can hope to be recognized as something other than a category, by Western men, by Koreans and by other women. Because I refuse to settle for one myth, or one box that we all have to try to squeeze into. It's not enough. Demand more.

29 comments:

Sidney said...

you are so cool

*cue nasally breathing and look of awe, because that's what i feel like when i leave all these sorts of comments on your blog

fleursdelis said...

Right now I just want to give you a huge standing ovation concerning how you addressed the drama that has been going down on Tumblr. Were I more eloquent, I'd leave a better response, but yeah >.> Either way, excellent commentary on the situation.

modest-goddess said...

It is really sad to see women policing the behavior of other women. Apparently only white men have the right to live their lives as they see fit and be treated as individuals. The rest of us are uppity for thinking otherwise.

Diana E.S. said...

Love it.

Bloggers in Korea and your plethora of free time--oh how I envy you!

Thank you, Liz, for using yours for good when so many others have chosen to use it for stupid.

Foreigner Joy said...

I like that you talk about the history of our image in Korea. Certainly we shouldn't try to shame each other but rather coexist.

Really, great analysis.

Gomushin Girl said...

AMEN!

Gomushin Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roboseyo said...

I put this at DIK, and now here:

This is a good place to start, in looking at the old stereotype of western women as hypersexed and easy: that image is WAY older than the Female Dating blogs.
http://populargusts.blogspot.com/2009/03/predators-and-sex-objects-media.html

it's petty and ignorant for people to foist those stereotypes on the dating blogs, and I salute all of you who've written about it. Expect a post about it sometime on Roboseyo, as well.

snowwhite said...

I just read this entire four-parter, and I want to applaud you for saying what needs to be said. My experience in Korea was similar to yours. I arrived in 2007 and even as recently as this year, I have run into Western men who have told me how awful my life must be in Korea because I'm a Western woman, which was just not true (the part about it being awful). I have also seen you posting on Dave's about this topic in the past, and I have been there too.

Lola O. said...

I read all four parts, and I'm hoping this isn't the end, but if it is what a great call to action.

I've been reading the hate comments on DIK and it makes me sad for other women to be putting blame on other women. If they don't like it, then don't read it, and if you are going to disagree show some respect for the blogger and yourself by not resorting to playground immaturity.

Like you said, there is no reason for us to all fit into one defined box. We create our own images, and we should respect that other women do the same.

Great post, great blog!!!

Manic Pixie Dream Girl said...

I love your blog. You always have something rock-solid to say. Now I feel like I should get off my ass and start writing posts again.

WillNeverTell said...

It is amazing how this is so parallel with how a good number of black men and women (read: boys and girls) treat each other, especially when the women want to date interracially. The whole 'men (not all cases, of course) telling them that no one wants them' and 'they're just doing it because they're too ugly/crazy/insert ignorant stereotype here for black men to be interested'thing. Then there are the insecure women who also start going after the ones that have decided to broaden their options in hopes of gaining approval of said men. It's completely ridiculous. There are two things things I completely loathe: selective ignorance and insecurity projection. Both present in these cases.

Also, I'm with fleursdelis on the standing ovation. Very well said.

One last comment, and I may be opening up an old can of worms, but, on the point about the not-to-be-named blogger that mentioned another foreign girl's unattractiveness: I happened to read said post - and said "discussion". I don't believe that was meant to be a diss on all other foreign girls in Korea. I myself, if I see a girl that is just like 'hmm...' with a very attractive guy I used to think: 'Why in the world is he with her?' or: 'There must be something wrong with him.' Then, as I got older, I made a point to think to myself:'She must be an awesome person/have an awesome personality!' Then I got to a point where I see what I think is a physical mismatch and just watch them interact for a few seconds (non-creepily) and think: 'That's nice. They seem happy.' Likewise, I did/do the exact same thing when I see a gorgeous/very pretty girl with a guy that is subpar at best. It's not always something meant to be catty or condescending. (Of course, I know that in some cases it clearly is - see aforementioned loathe for insecurity projection.) It's instinct to judge, and it's not right, but it's something one has to train themselves away from.

WillNeverTell said...

This and the above post is Ashley. I created some kind of something stupid a long time ago apparently and when I signed in with my gmail, it brought that ID up. I've never commented on a blog so I don't know what the heck I'm doing

I'm no Picasso said...

MPDG -- Do it! Blog it up!

WNT -- I was thinking when I was writing it, how many of the identifying descriptors you could remove and replace with others. It's a long, tired story unfortunately.

Regarding the blogger who shall not be named, I understand how people who only observed the one incident would be inclined to feel that way. Unfortunately, it wasn't a one time thing. It had been a common thread that I, and a few others, had carefully watched progress through several posts, which finally just culminated into something that I, and a few others, felt the need to just directly address. It's about an entire attitude -- not one snarky comment on one particular incident that just happened to involve those two categories in that particular way.

The Realistic Optimist said...

Ahh. Point taken. Well fortunately - or unfortunately - for her, if she didn't pick up on the problem, then she'll just have to learn the hard way. Life is sweet like that.

- Ashley (this is the id I'm sticking with)

Afghanistan Banana Stand said...

Hi!

I've really enjoyed this series. I asked the question which you started to answer in part I. I will read part IV tomorrow and maybe give you feedback. ;) ;)

I guess I had something like this in mind when I asked the question. I've lived in the states for a long time now but I grew up in Seoul. I've had more trouble dating girls here than in the states because I would meet the attitude that you mention a lot. Maybe it was more out in the open or more prominent in Seoul back then (you made it sound as though Seoul is a bit different now). I remember that guys would tell me openly and in front of girls I liked that they were not interested in me. At first, I wondered how they *knew*. After all, I am one of the most handsome men in the whole wide world.

Maybe I'll have more to say about what you wrote tomorrow when it isn't really late. I really enjoy your blog too. It's one of the few I read.

Afghanistan Banana Stand said...

Comment on Part I:
I was really surprised that your girl friends in the states had those sorts of umm prejudices. I didn't come up against that much, but that might be explained by where I lived. (There was some, "You think *she* would want to be with *you*?" stuff. But that was always from guys or ditzy girls.)

Comment on Part IV:
Nice post. I'm glad things are not so bad as the bad old days. I didn't expect thins to be different now. I didn't expect that. Well, I guess we'll see about that.

I'm no Picasso said...

ABS -- I was surprised as well. I don't think it was so much like... Asian American men? As the idea of Korean Korean men. Like FOBiness, or whatever. I guess not realizing that *I* would be the one who was FOB. I don't really know.

But yeah. Looooooads of girls are wild for Korean guys these days. If you don't believe me, amble on over to Tumblr and see for yourself. They all live there. There are literally dozens of blogs dedicated to the subject, at this point.

Katherine said...

There are so many things that I want to say about this post, so many exclamations of agreement that I want to make!

But, mostly, I want to thank you. Thank you for so articulately expressing and representing all of the very real feelings of living as an independent, free-willed and genuine female in Korea land.

Excellent job. I so often feel like you have taken whole ideas and conversations out of my head and the heads of my girl friends in Korea.

So, thanks. You're doing the whole female expat community in Korea a service.

Kitty English said...

I lived in ROK in 2007/2008 and I've loved reading this series of blogs. Although I ended up with a GI and moving on out to Germany, I came across everything you talked about when I first came to Korea. I got laughed at for finding Korean men hot, told I would be lonely there (by both men and women), and that Korean men thought all Western women ugly (which is total shit lol). I also came across a lot of nastiness about Korean women and how they're all apparently pathetic. I am so happy the situation seems to be improving (even if there is the girl vs girl nastiness), so thank you for this series.

I'm no Picasso said...

Kitty -- It has gotten even so much better since I wrote this blog post. On the rare occasion when I'm out in Bupyeong now, I see just as many foreign women out having a good time as foreign men, and better yet, they are all intermingling with each other as peers. Even though it's not really my scene anymore, as I'm old as hell in comparison, it's really nice to see.

Unknown said...

As you have proven here, it is white men that have moulded the image of asian, and other men through the decades. How they are nasty towards their own women (thus justifying why they should be with white men), whilst ridiculing asian men so that their women can't be with them. They still put up this act with black men, but of course black media and the population in general has penetrated the mainstream, so they reluctantly accept it as they have no choice. Not so with asians. What they say can still mould the behaviours of asian women and white women. Indeed, many asian women do NOT date their OWN men because of what white society has been subtly suggesting to them since birth.

I also find it extremely sad, that a minority male populace act with such impunity with minority women who choose to be with the majority race's men in the country.... imagine a black (or any nonwhite) guy interfering with a white guy in the company of a black/asian/latino girl... has that ever happened??? For white men to feel as if they have the authority to dictate social scenarios, even as a minority, shows a level of arrogance and childishness not seen in other races' men.

Unknown said...

The overarching theme is that most non asian women, and increasingly (and bizarrely asian women) initially have no idea about asian men. It doesn't help that asian men do not interact with them often (partly due to the racism that occurs when such interactions happen - see blacks and whites interacting decades ago). Thus, they resort to stereotypes, myths and rumours - the same stereotypes created by white men, for the benefit of white men. Ones that help them be with whoever they want, but restrict their women to predominantly only liking white men - after all none of them can be proven, until they associate with asian men - which they can't do because white society pushes them not to.

It's all one giant PR exercise. He who shouts the loudest is right and therefore gets all the girls.

americaninbusan.com said...

loving the blog.

As a American who (and my friends as well)are what you might identify as douchebags, fratboys, etc. let me just say this:

The odd misogynistic comment that comes out of my social circle, which is often characterized as the most negative cliche of masculinity today, is rarely malicious. We are vulgar towards women because we are vulgar towards ourselves. It's just how we play.

In fact, males who come off as truly misogynistic are ostracized, or shit on all the time for being uncomfortable with their own sexuality.

It is in my experience, as a person who hangs around with terribly politically incorrect males, as well as self-styled feminists and well, girls who are just plain hungry for dick, that the majority of slut-shaming and sexual judging of women come from other American women.

americaninbusan.com said...

loving the blog.

As someone you might identify as a douchebag, fratboy, etc. let me say this:

The odd misogynistic comment that comes out of my social circle (and we are often characterized as the most negative cliche of masculinity there is), is rarely malicious. We are vulgar towards women because we are vulgar towards ourselves. It's just how we play, and to treat women any different than we treat our peers of all races, religions, and sexual orientation, is an insidious form of condescension.

In fact, males who come off as truly misogynistic are ostracized, shit on all the time for being uncomfortable with their own sexuality.

It is in my experience, as a person who hangs around with politically incorrect males, as well as self-styled feminists and well, girls who are just plain hungry for dick, that the majority of slut-shaming and sexual judging of women come from other American women.

I really don't see a lot of negativity towards female sexuality, interracial dating etc. coming from guys. For the most part, the worst it gets is some lame joke.

americaninbusan.com said...

loving the blog.

As someone you might identify as a douchebag, fratboy, etc. let me say this:

The odd misogynistic comment that comes out of my social circle (and we are often characterized as the most negative cliche of masculinity there is), is rarely malicious. We are vulgar towards women because we are vulgar towards ourselves. It's just how we play, and to treat women any different than we treat our peers of all races, religions, and sexual orientation, is an insidious form of condescension.

In fact, males who come off as truly misogynistic are ostracized, shit on all the time for being uncomfortable with their own sexuality.

It is in my experience, as a person who hangs around with politically incorrect males, as well as self-styled feminists and well, girls who are just plain hungry for dick, that the majority of slut-shaming and sexual judging of women come from other American women.

I really don't see a lot of negativity towards female sexuality, interracial dating etc. coming from guys. For the most part, the worst it gets is some lame joke.

americaninbusan.com said...

loving the blog.

As someone you might identify as a douchebag, fratboy, etc. let me say this:

The odd misogynistic comment that comes out of my social circle (and we are often characterized as the most negative cliche of masculinity there is), is rarely malicious. We are vulgar towards women because we are vulgar towards ourselves. It's just how we play, and to treat women any different than we treat our peers of all races, religions, and sexual orientation, is an insidious form of condescension.

In fact, males who come off as truly misogynistic are ostracized, shit on all the time for being uncomfortable with their own sexuality.

It is in my experience, as a person who hangs around with politically incorrect males, as well as self-styled feminists and well, girls who are just plain hungry for dick, that the majority of slut-shaming and sexual judging of women come from other American women.

I really don't see a lot of negativity towards female sexuality, interracial dating etc. coming from guys. For the most part, the worst it gets is some lame joke.

americaninbusan.com said...

holy shit, did not realize I was reposting. Sorry about that. If you could just delete the first few posts...

Kate Choi said...

I love your stories and style! I'm a white american woman married to a Korean man from Korea, we met at university in the states while he was a foreign exchange student. At first, I did get a lot of disbelief from friends (american and koreans) that I was actually interested in dating this Korean guy. Even the Korean girls were surprised I was interested (this led to a whole chapter of drama/jealousy in itself!). I had white male friends say to me seriously "Be careful, you know asian men have a reputation for being abusive right?" (Lol like white men don't I always thought?). Anyway him and I just simply learned to ignore all ghe negativity and learn about each other. This was no easy process and took a good year of drama from whites and koreans that we knew. I actually had a terrible time with a korean woman that he was friends with before I met him. When I started dating him, she became very jealous and actively tried to cause damage in our relationship by calling him often, inviting him over, etc. Now before I started dating him, she had never expressed any romantic tendencies to him at all. She was sleeping with many other men at the time and only tended to use him for rides. Anyway when he stoped giving her attention and focused on me, she became very hateful towards me and one day flat out said, "You stole him from the Koreans!" So you see it isn't always white men making interracial relationships between korean men and white women difficult, other people too! Anyway my then fiancee finally got beyond annoyed and flatly told her in Korean "K is prettier then you by a long shot, you're fake and stupid and please never ever talk to me or her again, I don't want you, I never did." And that was the end of that.

Anyway, we were married nearly 3 years and 1 baby ago! I've lived in Korea and the states with him and now we are living in Korea with our gorgeoud korean/white baby girl. Koreans are generally very nice to our family, Korean men are very curious and ask my husband questions about how our relationship is and even sometimes sex, but he says he just loves me for me. His family has always been nice to me as well amd love their grandchild! As far as the expat men, well I guess my opinion is like yours, some are dicks, some are nice! I have seen western men poke fun at me for being with my husband (I had one man, some young arrogant jerk, laugh at me for being pregnant with my husband no joke). I really don't have anything to do with western men in Korea, I don't care for most. The western females are much cooler but even some of them can be very unfriendly, snotty, and cliqueish.


Anyway thank you for your great blog!