It's not the students, really. It's me. On a short fuse today. I got a letter from home yesterday that had me... well I just don't know. And this life just keeps picking up pace here, and there's not enough time to just freeze it and walk away for a while, while something entirely different unfolds back home. I'm tired. I'm having horrific nightmares every night. I'm homesick, which isn't something that happens ever. The fucking sun comes up before Jesus was born every morning, so that's what time I wake up as well, whether I want to or not. I had a carrot for dinner last night, which is just not acceptable.
You get the idea.
So it's not their fault. And I shouldn't ever take it out on them. Not ever, not even for the half a second when my voice cracks with genuine irritation. I don't want to make them feel stupid, ever. Even if, technically, they are (or are being) a bit. So I'm going to have to figure something out.
In other news, Seongyoo has escaped from the C class and is now attending one of my B classes. Of course I noticed, even though the Korean teachers haven't yet. Fuck it. I'm not saying anything. They'll figure it out when they figure it out, and until then, I hope the kid actually has a chance to learn something.
Chanseung and Somang both greeted me extremely warmly today. I asked Somang if he was okay (we didn't get a chance to talk before he left the office yesterday) and he just smiled broadly and sheepishly and said he was "very" okay. I said, "Your mama didn't kill you?"
"Haha. No. My mom me understand."
"Good, Somang. I'm glad. I'm happy."
"Thank you Teacher."
So. That having been said, I've decided to ignore all the advice and my own better judgement and not push the apology issue. The whole thing just go way, way out of hand, and I just don't want to stir it up again. I've spoken to all of the boys involved today and I just don't feel that it's necessary. I think it would be beating a dead horse. You can tell me you told me so later. I'll swallow every last bite.