The Mapia.

I love how safe Korea is sometimes. I know there are dangerous people out there, but...

I just got caught by a gang of rough as hell 20 year old hooligans on my walk home (yes it's 4 am and I'm just coming home -- I don't want to talk about it). They swarmed in on me, claiming they were mafia and I was in big trouble.

I laughed and pulled off my coat. Oh yeah? Then where are your tattoos? I tugged up my shirt to put mine on full display.

Total dismay. Boy, did you catch the wrong girl. They all started removing various items of clothing to prove that they had ink of their own. They pulled out their pussy skinny Korean cigarettes. I pulled out a Marlboro red.

"Ya! How old are you? You can't smoke. Haksaengiya."

I had them calling me noona and speaking in the polite form in less than five minutes. They showed me their cars, unlocking the doors to prove they were really theirs. I told them their cars looked loud and that they shouldn't be drinking and driving.

Apparently, Noona smells like sul. Well, yeah. That's because Noona's old enough to be let into clubs, boys.

I told them all to get straight home to their mommies, and to be good boys. They'll shee me again. Here's hoping.