Exhausted.

Okay. I'm probably too tired to be blogging. But whatever.

First and foremost --

Today was the school festival and I swear to God I almost cried. Why? Because probably my top ten favorite students have been working their asses off for the entire year to prepare performances for this and today I got to watch them and all I could think was, in a few months they are going to leave my life forever. And there's nothing I can do about it, because otherwise, that's creepy.

In this blog, I make a lot of references to the really outgoing students at my school -- the ones who aren't shy about approaching and saying/doing really hilarious things. But the ones I have never, ever mentioned are the ones that are dearest to my heart. They're the boys that no girl will notice until they are well into their 20's, and they'll spend all of high school thinking they're just not worth much. But I'm 25, Korean age, and very well-versed in the world of the masculine, and I know better.

They are going to be the most amazing men. I almost wish I could pre-order one like them and have him super-speed-of-light developed. They're talented and intelligent and witty and insightful and, above all else, they are gentle and kind.

Okay. So I'm a little alcohol-fueled at the moment. After work, I rushed over to meet C and a Korean-American guy he met in a way that I don't care to mention publicly. We had a great night eating and drinking and talking, and it was nice to meet a new, down-to-earth foreigner. We went to the local, where I got to see The Bar Tender for a bit. Then we happened to meet -- get this -- three guys from Mexico who are half Korean. That was definitely a first. The main guy of the group, though (the big talker), was not really my type and, unfortunately, he completely dominated the conversation so that the other two didn't have a chance to talk at all. Really interesting story though.

Okay. So The Baby. Whatever. I'm trying to chill out about the whole thing. But basically, what happened was, I thought it might be nice for The Baby to have a hyeong that wasn't a complete asshole (like the 29 year old womanizer), so I wanted to find out if it was alright to bring C on Saturday. Obviously, I know it's his birthday and he's already pretty sensitive, so I wasn't going to just show up with C. First I called Smalltown to run the whole idea past him and see how he thought The Baby would react. Smalltown told me he had already asked if it was okay if he brought the girl he's seeing, and The Baby had responded basically, the more the merrier. Cool, I thought, then no problem.

But just to make sure, I texted, and was certain to clarify that it was okay if he didn't want C to come. The whole thing started out on a bad note because he misunderstood my English and thought I was saying I would meet another friend instead of coming to his birthday party. Then I texted back in Korean to clarify, and he responded with the same kind of the-more-the-merrier response.

Then suddenly he texted back to ask how many I was bringing. Just one, I said, and maybe he won't come. I should probably mention that the pronouns "he" and "him" hadn't been mentioned up to this point.

The next text? "Korean or not?"

Uh. Excuse me?

Human being. That's what I'm wanting to bring. A human being. Is that okay or not?

"Korean."

"Really? Hm. Before day can I meet him?"

Uh. What?

"Before that day I must meet ur friend."

Answer? "Never mind. Don't worry about it. I won't bring him."

My irritation here is not with the fact that The Baby didn't want me to bring someone to his birthday party. That is completely understandable, and would've been fine from the beginning. My irritation is that a. everything was fine until I mentioned "he" and b. everything still would have been fine if I had responded "foreigner" instead of "Korean".

Smalltown gets to bring his girl, no questions asked. But mine deserves a pre-screening because he's male and Korean, despite the fact that I've made it quite clear to The Baby that I have no intentions of dating him ever, and that I hate, hate, hate people who harp on the foreigner thing.

After my last text, there was no response. And there's been no communication today at all. If I didnt' feel so damn guilty, I just wouldn't go at this point. But after running the whole thing past C, C generously reminded me that the kid is young and having a hard time in life at the moment, and perhaps I should cut him a break.

Well. I'll try.

At any rate, Saturday night should be interesting. I'm going to try not to be a bitch. But that doesn't always work out. But all I can think at this point is, right, if I wasn't a foreigner, I wouldn't be here either. And fuck you.

That's enough exhausted, mildly drunken blogging for now. The truth is, I had a lovely, lovely day with my boys. And I'm not going to let this bullshit get to me anymore. It's a part of life here, but it doesn't have to be a big one. I'm practically an expert at just cutting people out at this point. If The Baby can't get his act together, I'll just say goodbye. Simple enough. He's got one more chance, and that only really by the grace of C.

We shall see.

Goodnight.