Groundless.

I'm thinking of WWOOFing over the Children's Day break. Not sure about it yet, but I'm going to contact the offices and see what they have to say about such a short stay. I think I need to get out of the city for a while, and spend some time alone.

Something's getting to me lately. I'm partially aware of what it is, but I think there's something else I'm not understanding yet. Bali bali has been doing wonders as far as getting me through what could have been a potentially traumatizing first six months in a foreign country, but I'm tired now. Mostly tired of running away from some things that are going to catch up to me eventually, one way or another.

Maybe a little homesick, too. I never, ever recognize that for what it is. But I've learned, over time, to recognize me not recognizing it. My brother's going home soon, and the baby will be born within the month. His name will be Logan. Important things are happening without me.

Farm work always helps me sort my head out, get some serious perspective and, most of all, feel at home in my own skin. There's nothing like it in the whole world. In some ways, I'm never going to get away from that feeling right for me, somehow.

Mostly I think I could just use one good friend, whose heart isn't somewhere else. I feel groundless, not because I am transient, but because everyone around me is. I'm either a foreigner, or in a foreign country. That isn't going to make any sense to anyone. But I don't know how else to explain it. To Koreans, I'm temporary. To other expats, the whole world is temporary. These are my two options.

Spent the day at Yeouido Park, watching the skaters and laying on the grass. Best decision I've made in a long time.


Last night: bad.


Today: good.