Further adventures from the fourth dimension.

Good golly, Miss Molly.

Well. I never imagined my life would be this funny, consistently, on a daily basis.

Someone forgot to inform me that there is no locker room at the school, and if the lights are off in the classroom, even if the bell has already rung, it means the boys still haven't managed to finish changing back into their uniforms from their gym clothes. Hence, I've now seen a fair few of my students in their skivvies.

It didn't seem to embarrass them nearly as much as my new-found approach of dealing with English swears in the classroom, which is to calmly, and in detail, explain what each word, and then the phrase as a whole, means precisely. I don't think it's going over too well with the co-teachers, but the boys turn positively purple with shame and look as though they want to crawl under their desks. I think it's probably not a problem I'll have much longer. I would feel like a total hypocrite if I simply told them not to use the words/phrases, or punished them for it, anyway. Either way, I see it as a totally valid part of teaching English. If you're going to speak English, particularly around native English speakers, you better be damn sure of the exact nuances of the four letter word combinations you choose to deploy. They're starting to get the idea that their native English teacher is in no way to be outdone, upset, or rattled in the crudeness department.

I've become a quite a strange person, in mindset and daily concerns, I think. I realized this as I walked around my apartment getting ready for work this morning. Towel-drying my hair, brushing my teeth, and muttering to myself over and over....

"Vvvvvvvuh. Ffffffffffuh. Ffffffffivvvvvve. Five. Fffffuhiiiivvvve. Fucking..... vvvvvvvvuh!"

I have become an absolute master at describing what teeth, lips and tongues need to be doing to make certain sounds. It's also the all-time most super-fun part of Reejah Teacher's English Class -- when she tells and shows you how to move your tongue and teeth, and then we all do it together over and over and over.

But "f" and "v" have had me stuck all week. I managed to get the boys away from making a "b" sound for "v", but it's simply turned into an "f" instead. Which is particularly hard for me to handle, since the offending "v" sound in this week's exercise comes in the form of the sentence, "I broke my father's vase."

And while we've worked very hard on the difference between "l" and "r" in the past, this week we've gone backwards ages due to an added "t". And the results have found me exacting unintentional revenge for all the times a student ever muttered something to me in Korean that I didn't understand, only for me to be instantly surrounded by laughter.

You see, it all goes back to the fact that, this week, dear readers, my class is practicing the phrase, "It's all my fault."

Watching their innocent little oblivious faces, confused as to why it is their teacher appears to be barely preventing herself from collapsing onto the floor in a fit of giggles and tears, as the following takes place:

"Okay. Listen and repeat: Fault!"






"It's all my fault!"

"It's all my fart!"

"Oh, good God...."


MikejGrey said...

can you get a video of your students chanting it's all my fart for me somehow?

vai said...

that made me laugh out loud :).

oh, and yesterday i managed to be an active participant in a conversation about rain and his magic stick. you would've been proud. :)

Laura said...

What are you going to have them saying next, all your base are belong to us?

It's all my fart is way better, actually.

One question, though. Why are you having your students learn the phrase "it's all my fault" in the first place? Isn't that a little dark?

I'm no Picasso said...

Mike -- probably not. But I am tempted to get a video of a couple of my asshole after school students doing squats with their arms over their heads.

Iva -- Who on earth with? Ah, Rain's magic stick.... a girl can dream.

Laura -- It's in the book, not my choice. But to be honest, I think it's a phrase that could serve these boys well in the future....

MikejGrey said...


Had dinner in fish alley. Didn't eat much. Drank a lot of cough syrup wine, didn't get drunk, and watched all the koreans get drunk and have my vp babble to me. Mr park hugged me. I'm not gay. I just like pulple. Fucking insecure koreans. We don't want the westerners to think we're gay.

But hey, tomorrow is parent teacher day, so after my three morning classes apparently I can leave early!

I'm no Picasso said...

Fish Alley = no.

Korean rice wine = no.

Mr. Park doth protest too much, methinks....

Don't the parents want to meet the English monkey....?

MikejGrey said...

Well they all said, "It's not homo, korean style." During the male teacher meeting


Apparently not. Thank christ. I hope nothing changes and I can leave early, come back, make proper coffee, eat a muffin, talk to tasha, and uh... then... something until we meet up.

MikejGrey said...

Oh yeah. Food has to be cooked, and not moving for me to eat it.

Also no antennas help. Fucking sea bugs.

MikejGrey said...

And classes start at 830 in the morning for this so they'll be over by noonish.

I'm no Picasso said...


What the fuck did they try to feed you? I swear to God, they do it on purpose. Teachers' dinners = time to see how much we can freak the foreign teacher out with shit we won't even eat ourselves.

PS -- What we doin' tomorrah? BP Lottemart nightmare & food somewhere? Do you wanna try to find something new or just fall back on the bulgogi place? Also, should we try to track down Small Town?

I'm no Picasso said...

Bitch. I've got five tomorrow.

vai said...

Liz- with a friend here who studies Korean, watches Korean soaps and is totally in love with Korean men :). She's going to Seoul in August.. tempting me to join.... like i need tempting now in the state i'm in now. btw. i didn't get the place in manchester. am devastated.

I'm no Picasso said...

Fucking hell, Iva. Their fucking loss. And I do mean that from the bottom of my heart. Still, you know my philosophy, and I know it's partially yours... there are reasons.

Anyway, don't you dare mention the fact that you're tempted. Don't make me become an evil whisper in your ear. Good God, the times we could have, my dear....


MikejGrey said...

Lets' try to find someplace new.

Anthony Bourdain style squid, and other moving muscles and clams and what not. "Mikol This food was expensive. Please try." "No." The new coteacher didn't have to, she doesn't eat this shit either. And Ms Park made her drink. Haw.

Laura said...

"But to be honest, I think it's a phrase that could serve these boys well in the future...." Haha. Yes, that's probably true.