8.05.2008

Absolutely ruined. I have no idea how a day of mostly nothing could possibly be so exhausting. It's just got to be the 107 degrees. Me and the kid went to dawdle around Target tonight and see what we could pick up for our prospective moves. I got that sensible belt I mentioned earlier and a set of XL twin sheets, pure dorm room style. As we strolled through the housewares section, I said, "My life is on repeat."

Later we went for dinner at a restaurant we've been going to for seven years.

"It's kinda depressing," she said, picking at the chips and salsa in front of her. "Always coming back home again."

We talked about her plans for grad school and I outlined the Korean holidays for her, to the best of my ability. I told her that if we aren't able to take a trip when I finish my contract, for whatever reason, I'm going to re-sign. Re-signing means not having to move, not having to start all over again, a pay rise and more vacation time. It also means only two weeks home.

Life falls funny sometimes, but you have to trust that there's something to it. The more I think about it, the more I am starting to see that it's time for me to really be away from home for a while. Not four hour flight, six months at a time away. Really away. I think part of the reason I could never really get my feet dug into Brooklyn soil was because I was back and forth so often. The night before I left New York I would say, I'm going home tomorrow. And the night before I left Dallas I would say, I'm going home tomorrow.

Not that I expect that to ever really go away. But I think breaking the sort of New York/Dallas shared custody situation will go a long way in helping me sort out where exactly it is I should put myself. It helps that most of my nearest and dearest are scattered across the four corners already, so I don't really have to choose.

When I came home for Christmas, it was the hardest thing ever to get back on the plane to New York. I even extended my ticket, which is something I'd never done before. Now, I have been here for long enough. Not too long -- just long enough. Long enough to feel comfortable leaving for a very long time. And trusting that things here will go on without me. And I will go on without them.

7 comments:

Tuttle said...

Next time you are at Target, pick up a pack of the, um, garment compression bags, in the travel section ... I'm not sure exactly, ah, here they are:
http://www.target.com/Embark-Compression-Storage-Bags-Multi-Pack/dp/B0009IB6B0/sr=1-1/qid=1217919692/ref=sr_1_1/601-5555667-3138561?ie=UTF8&rh=k%3Acompression%20bags%20travel&page=1
You can get your chubbier relations to roll on top of them like a bouncy house and thereby increase the available space in your luggage. I noticed that Korean Air is doubling its fee for overweight baggage.

Anyway, it's now $50 for overweight baggage (thankfully, no such charge for people).

I'm no Picasso said...

I was really thinking about that. The kid used them when she moved to Glasgow, and she's a much more excessive packer than I am.

Gawd. Baggage fees. Makes you wanna become Enlightened and shed all your earthly belongings, doesn't it?

vai said...

the thing is.. after a while, your home just becomes everywhere.. and nowhere. it's quite scary as well as it is liberating at the same time.

vai said...

oh, and these compressions bags work. especially with winter coats etc.
p.s. bring an extra of the thing that you really are addicted to (or fav deo) if you know you can't get it there. other things, replaceable.

I'm no Picasso said...

Yeah I'm already starting to get that feeling. I guess what I want is to just not be bothered by it anymore.

This also sounds horrible, but there are so many places I want to go besides 'home' with my time off... my family is my family, but I have my 'family' who are all over the goddamn place.

I don't think packing is going to be too bad anyway. All my clothes fit in one big bag, and I've got another suitcase for books and other nonsense. I've never had too hard of a time with that. Plus, with all the new baggage fees, I'm terrified of what the result of using those compression bags might be... could use one for a pillow/blanket though....

vai said...

my advice - mix the two. just in case. and weight-wise it's better. and tell me about it (visits). I've been all over the place in the past 5 years, but properly - holiday or something - only in chicago. my sister gets to see my mother more often then i do, and i'm only 500km away. . . .
as for the rest of the world - i'm travelling this year. i'm broke, but i'll manage when i buy the tickets. :)

I'm no Picasso said...

Yeah. That's the way to go.

I'll just worry about rent money when I get back....