So. Everyone knows I live in kind of a rough neighborhood, and that my students aren't the most... you know, whatever. I personally like it that way. I get on better with the rough kids and the super awkward weird kids better than the "normal" ones anyway. I don't really wonder about why. But anyway....
There is some serious bullshit going down. Some dumbass named Jeon Taewon who dropped out of middle school and is now nearly what we in the West would consider a grown-ass man is lurking around the bus stop with his cronies taking shit off our kids (KIDS!). I don't know who this kid is -- he came before my time. I don't really care. But I have some suspicions that he is at least loosely associated with another group of high school boys who are less-loosely associated with our jjang crew. And I know for a fact, after today, that our absolute worst student from last year (the one I saw smoking out in the open a couple of months ago in broad daylight) is his buddy.
Let me try to explain this as best as I've come to understand it. I've been surprised to learn that, because I live in this neighborhood and am regularly out walking around in it, and also because I spend more time casually talking to the students, who are a fair bit more open with me, somehow I've ended up knowing more about this situation than the Korean teachers do. But I still don't have it all worked out. Basically, the idea I get is that our jjang crew feeds into (and is currently acting as the little butt-boys of) a bigger, tougher high school group. They are what is referred to as "빵 셔털" (bread shuttle), because they take money and other expensive items off the weaker boys and take it to the high school boys. Usually, 빵 셔털 is created by force, actually -- a stronger bully will force a kind of medium ranked student into bullying lower students, so that he can't be found directly responsible. In this case, I don't know if these students actually count as 빵 셔털, because they're not doing it by force -- it's consensual, insofaras they are considered the younger brothers of this older group.
Now. I know that Minwoo and co. are currently engaged in such activities. But, as far as I know, it's with another group besides the one this Jeon Taewon character is associated with. But I still don't like it. And what I really don't like is that some pathetic fucking loser is terrifying our younger students, while they wait for the bus, a matter in which they have no choice.
Co told me about this guy over lunch today, knowing that I have a fair amount of knowledge of these groups, in hopes that I would have heard something or would know something useful. I told her I had never heard that name before, nor had I seen anyone lurking around the bus stop, but that I would be sure to stop by this afternoon and try to get a bead on the situation. It didn't occur to me at that time that when I saw that bad former student of ours that day, he had been with a group of other boys in an alleyway right behind the bus stop in question.
As I came up to the crosswalk across the street from the bus stop today, I did a quick scan around. And lucky I did. Because what I saw was that badass student quickly cross the street on the perpendicular heading away from the bus stop. A group of our first graders were gathered together on the corner I was crossing to, watching these boys cross away from them. They spotted me, saw me spot the group and quickly approached me as I came across, not knowing what to do other than to point emphatically at the older boys.
"Do you know those boys?"
"No!"
"Have you seen them before?"
"Yes!"
"Stay away from them. Do you understand me? Don't talk to them."
"Yes, Teacher! Yes! Understand!"
Well, fuck it then. That kid wasn't man enough to take me on more than once while I was teaching him, and I don't reckon he's grown a whole lot of balls since then. So. I'll be taking up post at that bus stop after school from now on. Because I'll be fucked if I'm going to let those little cunts get away with this.
4.30.2010
D bag.
I'm pretty patient with the "omg foreigner!" nonsense that can go down from time to time. Not amused, really. But patient. And friendly, when I feel the intentions are friendly and not of a sort of mocking nature. But one place I really can't stand this is at work.
Look. I get that you're just here selling pretzels or whatever and that it's your schtick to gain as much attention from the teachers around you as possible so as to sell more, but I don't really appreciate being the target of your dumbassery while I'm trying to eat my lunch and talk to my workmates during my working day. This is my job. And I've worked quite hard to get it to where any new teacher coming in gawks in my general direction exactly once, before all the other teachers correct the behavior and make it known that I'm a teacher -- not a spectacle.
And you coming over to my table where I'm in the middle of a conversation about my students, screaming "ME ENGLISHEE NO! HAHAHAHAHA!" at the top of your lungs, before telling me that this is "KOREAN BANANA! HAHAHAHA!" is not fucking appreciated. And you're embarrassing yourself in front of the entire staff of this school right now. And you're embarrassing them.I hear a lot of horror stories about how fucking outcast some public school native teachers can end up at their schools. I'm not sure why that is -- I'm sure it's a combination of misunderstandings on both sides, perhaps one side a lot heavier than the other, in any given case. And this is exactly why I'm so hesitant to try to "trade up" in any way with regards to my school. I don't know what all else is out there, but at my school I am treated like a human being. My students bow to me both at school and on the street. And when some moron wanders in off the street and targets me with their total nonsense, my co-workers turn purple with shame and do their best to call the guy off and apologize for it, even though it has nothing to do with them.
I'd like to imagine his sells took a blow because of it, but then again, Koreans are really into snacks, so who knows. Ha.
4.29.2010
Smell like America.
That someone is searching my blog for "dating", "men" and "kimchi" is absolutely ridiculous. And amazing.
Today I taught comics to the classes that I had, because I've already made the last chapter in the book stretch over four weeks, and I wasn't about to try to introduce new vocabulary when they've got exams starting on Monday. That's just too cruel. I gave my speech about the comic books I brought back from the States:
"They are very cheap. What does 'cheap' mean? They cost a lot of money or a little money? That's right. They are very cheap. They do not cost a lot of money. They cost one or two dollars. Very cheap. But. But. They are very hard to get. What does 'hard' mean? Right. Difficult. What does 'to get' mean? Right. To get these comic books, I have two choices: 1. Go to America. 2. Call my mom in America. 'Hello, Mom? Can you go to the book store and buy some comic books?' Then, what does my mom have to do? Right! She has to go to the .... what? Right! Post office! She has to go to the post office and do what? That's right. Send the comic books. She has to go to the post office and send the comic books.... from America to Korea. So...."
I held one already nearly destroyed example above my head. "This!" Imitating a teenage boy in a frenzy over the comic book handling it quite roughly. "Don't do this, okay? Okay. Thank you."
They passed them around with a sentiment of loving care that's quite remarkable to observe in a group of 35 fifteen year old boys. In the process, I noticed that quite a few of them were doing something quite strange -- they were cradling them in front of their faces and taking in big admiring sniffs.
".... What are you doing?"
"Teacher. Comic books smell like America."
Today I taught comics to the classes that I had, because I've already made the last chapter in the book stretch over four weeks, and I wasn't about to try to introduce new vocabulary when they've got exams starting on Monday. That's just too cruel. I gave my speech about the comic books I brought back from the States:
"They are very cheap. What does 'cheap' mean? They cost a lot of money or a little money? That's right. They are very cheap. They do not cost a lot of money. They cost one or two dollars. Very cheap. But. But. They are very hard to get. What does 'hard' mean? Right. Difficult. What does 'to get' mean? Right. To get these comic books, I have two choices: 1. Go to America. 2. Call my mom in America. 'Hello, Mom? Can you go to the book store and buy some comic books?' Then, what does my mom have to do? Right! She has to go to the .... what? Right! Post office! She has to go to the post office and do what? That's right. Send the comic books. She has to go to the post office and send the comic books.... from America to Korea. So...."
I held one already nearly destroyed example above my head. "This!" Imitating a teenage boy in a frenzy over the comic book handling it quite roughly. "Don't do this, okay? Okay. Thank you."
They passed them around with a sentiment of loving care that's quite remarkable to observe in a group of 35 fifteen year old boys. In the process, I noticed that quite a few of them were doing something quite strange -- they were cradling them in front of their faces and taking in big admiring sniffs.
".... What are you doing?"
"Teacher. Comic books smell like America."
Where's the Red Door Market?
Picasso, how do I get to the red door market?
Okay. I'm a total idiot when it comes to Itaewon. I've been there maybe six or seven times during my entire time in Korea. It's far as hell from my house, and I find the place pretty much intolerable after dark (except for the Hill, of course, but even that's something I can't handle all the time), so...
I might end up going there this weekend, however, because I have some business to attend to that cannot be avoided. In the case that I do, I will retrace the route to the red door market and make notes so that I can give accurate directions (people seem to be incapable of doing this at all in this case). I don't remember the exit number, but I know at least one of my "readers" aka friends lives in Itaewon and can probably respond with info to fill in the gaps. Basically you'll want to come out on the side of the street opposite the Hamilton Hotel (which you can't miss). Put the Hamilton to your back and walk up the street with Gecko's on the corner, away from the main street that the Hamilton is on. It will be not very far up on the left. It's not a red door... there's a red door you'll hit before you get to it, but that's not it. It's actually a door outlined in red. It's extremely tiny -- you'll think you don't have the right place, but you do.
I've been to the red door market once, after I first arrived. It took me about seventeen years of crawling through a deluge to find it. It definitely wasn't worth it. Things are super duper over priced and not that exciting, in my opinion. You'd be better of hitting the foreign food section in your local Mart and making due, in my opinion.
In conclusion, I hate Itaewon and good luck.
Okay. I'm a total idiot when it comes to Itaewon. I've been there maybe six or seven times during my entire time in Korea. It's far as hell from my house, and I find the place pretty much intolerable after dark (except for the Hill, of course, but even that's something I can't handle all the time), so...
I might end up going there this weekend, however, because I have some business to attend to that cannot be avoided. In the case that I do, I will retrace the route to the red door market and make notes so that I can give accurate directions (people seem to be incapable of doing this at all in this case). I don't remember the exit number, but I know at least one of my "readers" aka friends lives in Itaewon and can probably respond with info to fill in the gaps. Basically you'll want to come out on the side of the street opposite the Hamilton Hotel (which you can't miss). Put the Hamilton to your back and walk up the street with Gecko's on the corner, away from the main street that the Hamilton is on. It will be not very far up on the left. It's not a red door... there's a red door you'll hit before you get to it, but that's not it. It's actually a door outlined in red. It's extremely tiny -- you'll think you don't have the right place, but you do.
I've been to the red door market once, after I first arrived. It took me about seventeen years of crawling through a deluge to find it. It definitely wasn't worth it. Things are super duper over priced and not that exciting, in my opinion. You'd be better of hitting the foreign food section in your local Mart and making due, in my opinion.
In conclusion, I hate Itaewon and good luck.
4.28.2010
Race traitor.
I've been doing some thinking today. You'll all mostly be aware that there's been a lot of intellectual (and some slightly less than) intercourse floating around today about the subject of 'negative' vs. 'positive' K blogs. A lot of this is due to Roboseyo's thoughtful article and responsive post on the issue of That Blog.
Let me just say upfront that I think that this is a really personal issue for people on both sides -- we all feel as though we've had certain experiences, and it's natural to feel to some extent like our experiences are the right ones, and like we've seen something that the people on the other side (whatever the other side may be) have not. Which is why this issue gets so damn messy.
I guess, recently, I've been placed in the category of Korea 'defender'. I, apparently, have an extremely sunny disposition and am able to stay positive in the face of great adversity. But I feel like that judgment of me and what I write is short-sighted, to be honest. I don't overlook bullshit. I'm very nearly almost famous amongst my nearest and dearest for not being able to overlook bullshit, almost (or just flat out) to a fault. It's not that I am floating through life on a cloud of ignorance, humming a happy tune to myself to block out anything negative I might experience as a foreigner in Korea. I've had my fair share of complaints and struggles, some extremely legitimate and some just down right petty. I've even had some that have moved from one category to the other.
In my opinion, what I do have, however, is perspective. A big part of this perspective, as I've mentioned many times before, comes not from an obvious knowledge that racism and xenophobia and general dumbassery exists in my home country, but from the fact that from the time I was young, a large portion of the group of people I've been close to were either immigrants themselves in my home country, or the first generation born of immigrant parents. And, specifically, I dealt intimately with a huge number of Korean university students at my job just directly prior to moving to Korea.
Before I ever even considered the possibility of what being foreign would mean within my own personal context, I was exposed repeatedly and in great detail to what being foreign meant for others around me. I didn't read about it in newspapers, or experience it that one time when I was out with my one immigrant friend -- I heard about it for absolute fucking hours. I had close friends for years who had lived through it.
Now. I'm not saying this to make the usual point that the condition exists around the world. We all (should) know that. My knowledge of racism and xenophobia in my home country doesn't lead me toward excusing Korea for her own issues in this area, but rather helps me to remember that a country's culture is not a country's people. A nation's ugly side is not its dominant trait. And my negative experiences as a foreigner in Korea are not unique to Korea (at all... even a little bit... trust me), nor are they something that I should allow to dictate my life in or experience of this country and her people.
Sometimes I still find myself in awe of the Koreans I've known and their ability to completely overlook the horrendous experiences they've had with racism in my home country, and go on to explain their time there as valuable and overwhelmingly positive. How my co-teacher can look me in the face and, as a sidenote to an unrelated story about her Korean roommate during her time there, casually mention how the Koreans were all put in rooms together because the other students didn't want to live with them. Or how one of my students back in New York could gush on about how fantastic I was, because I didn't care at all about her bad English and didn't think she was stupid or frustrating, unlike the cashier at the fastfood restaurant earlier that day who had, as she was ordering in English, refused to let her finish and screamed in her face in front of dozens of other customers that she needed to speak fucking English when she was in America, and how she didn't have time for this shit. Or how a Korean I met after I arrived described the reason he wanted to start a cultural exchange as related to his time spent serving with the US army, where his commanding officer perpetually berated him for eating kimchi and having a disgusting odor, and how he wanted to make sure he gave foreigners a place to meet kind Koreans while they were living in Korea, because he didn't want them to ever feel as alone as he did, at that time.
Again. Not trying to prove that these situations happen everywhere. You should know that. And if you don't, nothing I can ever write will help you. I'm trying to make the point that I've been influenced by these people deeply on a personal level, to work the very hardest that I can to not place people into categories based on the negative experiences that I have, and to not allow them to take over and become everything. To get to know people, to work past initial ignorances, to find the people who get it. To not become obsessed with the one bad thing that happens in any given day and decide that that one bad thing overrides the dozens of positive.
So. I'd like to put forth my own definition of 'negative' vs. 'positive' K blog. Because, to me, an acknowledgment of positive or negative things is not what dictates this definition. Just as being fair in your judgments of negative or positive experiences is not what dictates what makes a negative or positive person. I mentioned in a comment this week how I had always thought it was odd that Brian was labeled the "angriest blogger in Korea". To me, Brian never seemed angry. Did he mention a whole hell of a lot of negative aspects of Korean culture and society? You betcha. But. He did it with thoughtfulness. And perspective. He never made things about how awful Koreans are, or how unbearable Korea is. He took each incident and logically dissected it, without bringing it down to the bottom line of race or nation. He deals with culture, yes. He deals with national identity, yes. He even deals with Koreans. But he doesn't place anything across the board. And he is never unfair or dismissive.
To me, Brian does not author a 'negative' K blog -- he authors a positive one. He takes all things into consideration and deals with the subject at hand, however negative or positive that subject may be. To me, that's an example of a positive person. Or rather, just a normal one.
That other blog that's got everyone up in arms at the moment was definitely, to me, a negative blog. Whatever it was -- satire, humor, therapeutic -- it made no attempt to demonstrate perspective. It made no attempt to observe the good, as well as the bad. It made no attempt to sort out the difference between what some people of one kind did from what these people do.
Now. If that's what floats your boat, that's cool. If that serves a purpose for you, then more power to you. But I just don't have any time for it. I don't find it humorous, cute or original. I don't find it interesting or intellectually valuable. I find it rather fucking dull. Just as I find negative people to be rather fucking dull. To me, complaining is the lowest possible form of human discourse. That's why children are famous for it. And this is my life. I get around 70 years on this globe, if I'm lucky. And I have no intentions of wasting them, wherever I may find myself, or in whatever circumstances, putting all my time and effort into making it known, in a completely unproductive manner, that something is bothering me. Instigating conversations is different. Offering solutions is even more different. Trying to be a part of those solutions is 180 degrees worth of difference. And to me, that blog, was the antithesis of being a part of the solution. And that, to me, is what makes a negative K blog.
Futher more. As a personal aside. K bloggers, when dealing with this issue, would do well to note that some of us do not live completely outside of Korean society. Some of us have extremely dear friends who are Korean. Some of us have spouses who are Korean. Some of us have children who are half Korean. For me, personally, the fucking tipping point on the scales on this one is that my students are Korean. My students -- these darling little people who, quite literally, have made my life worth living for the last year and a half. These people who make me smile and laugh almost continually throughout every single day. These people who have led my mother to comment on how she's never, in her life, heard my voice sound so happy as she has continuously since I've been here.
I don't know you from fucking adam. Just because we're from the same part of the world doesn't mean that I have any fucking connection to you whatsoever. You mean nothing to me, anymore than you would otherwise. But I do know my students. I know my Korean friends. I know my Korean co-workers. And I love them. So, if you (whoever you may be) are deadset on making your mantra a 'me vs. all Koreans everywhere' chant, you can be sure which side I'm going to end up on everytime. If you want to have a shot at me seeing your point, you'd do best to drop the 'all' and 'every' fucking childish nonsense. That's just my view on things.
Look. What it comes down to is this. I've been through actual shit in my life. You don't need to read about it here, but just trust that it's true. Now, I have a roof over my head. I'm able to pay my bills. I'm even able to eat properly and see a movie if I'd like to. I don't have anyone putting their hands on me in an abusive manner. I'm not literally sick with anxiety every morning when I wake up. Furthermore, I have a job (one job) that not only actually meets the basic financial requirements for existence, but which I am actually madly, ridiculously in love with. Which was something I never thought would be possible for me, at one point (or several) in my life. The way I look at it, if I didn't feel the need to bitch and moan continuously back when times were harder, and make that about absolutely everyone else around me (and I didn't), then I have no need to do that now.
So, no. I'm not glossing over anything. I'm not in denial about my life here in Korea, or how I'm treated or considered by Koreans. I'm being honest. My life here is happy, the happiest it's ever been. I'm sorry that not everyone is having that same experience -- not sarcastically, well and truly sorry. Because I do wish that every single foreigner in Korea could experience what I have. It's changed my life. For the better.
Let me just say upfront that I think that this is a really personal issue for people on both sides -- we all feel as though we've had certain experiences, and it's natural to feel to some extent like our experiences are the right ones, and like we've seen something that the people on the other side (whatever the other side may be) have not. Which is why this issue gets so damn messy.
I guess, recently, I've been placed in the category of Korea 'defender'. I, apparently, have an extremely sunny disposition and am able to stay positive in the face of great adversity. But I feel like that judgment of me and what I write is short-sighted, to be honest. I don't overlook bullshit. I'm very nearly almost famous amongst my nearest and dearest for not being able to overlook bullshit, almost (or just flat out) to a fault. It's not that I am floating through life on a cloud of ignorance, humming a happy tune to myself to block out anything negative I might experience as a foreigner in Korea. I've had my fair share of complaints and struggles, some extremely legitimate and some just down right petty. I've even had some that have moved from one category to the other.
In my opinion, what I do have, however, is perspective. A big part of this perspective, as I've mentioned many times before, comes not from an obvious knowledge that racism and xenophobia and general dumbassery exists in my home country, but from the fact that from the time I was young, a large portion of the group of people I've been close to were either immigrants themselves in my home country, or the first generation born of immigrant parents. And, specifically, I dealt intimately with a huge number of Korean university students at my job just directly prior to moving to Korea.
Before I ever even considered the possibility of what being foreign would mean within my own personal context, I was exposed repeatedly and in great detail to what being foreign meant for others around me. I didn't read about it in newspapers, or experience it that one time when I was out with my one immigrant friend -- I heard about it for absolute fucking hours. I had close friends for years who had lived through it.
Now. I'm not saying this to make the usual point that the condition exists around the world. We all (should) know that. My knowledge of racism and xenophobia in my home country doesn't lead me toward excusing Korea for her own issues in this area, but rather helps me to remember that a country's culture is not a country's people. A nation's ugly side is not its dominant trait. And my negative experiences as a foreigner in Korea are not unique to Korea (at all... even a little bit... trust me), nor are they something that I should allow to dictate my life in or experience of this country and her people.
Sometimes I still find myself in awe of the Koreans I've known and their ability to completely overlook the horrendous experiences they've had with racism in my home country, and go on to explain their time there as valuable and overwhelmingly positive. How my co-teacher can look me in the face and, as a sidenote to an unrelated story about her Korean roommate during her time there, casually mention how the Koreans were all put in rooms together because the other students didn't want to live with them. Or how one of my students back in New York could gush on about how fantastic I was, because I didn't care at all about her bad English and didn't think she was stupid or frustrating, unlike the cashier at the fastfood restaurant earlier that day who had, as she was ordering in English, refused to let her finish and screamed in her face in front of dozens of other customers that she needed to speak fucking English when she was in America, and how she didn't have time for this shit. Or how a Korean I met after I arrived described the reason he wanted to start a cultural exchange as related to his time spent serving with the US army, where his commanding officer perpetually berated him for eating kimchi and having a disgusting odor, and how he wanted to make sure he gave foreigners a place to meet kind Koreans while they were living in Korea, because he didn't want them to ever feel as alone as he did, at that time.
Again. Not trying to prove that these situations happen everywhere. You should know that. And if you don't, nothing I can ever write will help you. I'm trying to make the point that I've been influenced by these people deeply on a personal level, to work the very hardest that I can to not place people into categories based on the negative experiences that I have, and to not allow them to take over and become everything. To get to know people, to work past initial ignorances, to find the people who get it. To not become obsessed with the one bad thing that happens in any given day and decide that that one bad thing overrides the dozens of positive.
So. I'd like to put forth my own definition of 'negative' vs. 'positive' K blog. Because, to me, an acknowledgment of positive or negative things is not what dictates this definition. Just as being fair in your judgments of negative or positive experiences is not what dictates what makes a negative or positive person. I mentioned in a comment this week how I had always thought it was odd that Brian was labeled the "angriest blogger in Korea". To me, Brian never seemed angry. Did he mention a whole hell of a lot of negative aspects of Korean culture and society? You betcha. But. He did it with thoughtfulness. And perspective. He never made things about how awful Koreans are, or how unbearable Korea is. He took each incident and logically dissected it, without bringing it down to the bottom line of race or nation. He deals with culture, yes. He deals with national identity, yes. He even deals with Koreans. But he doesn't place anything across the board. And he is never unfair or dismissive.
To me, Brian does not author a 'negative' K blog -- he authors a positive one. He takes all things into consideration and deals with the subject at hand, however negative or positive that subject may be. To me, that's an example of a positive person. Or rather, just a normal one.
That other blog that's got everyone up in arms at the moment was definitely, to me, a negative blog. Whatever it was -- satire, humor, therapeutic -- it made no attempt to demonstrate perspective. It made no attempt to observe the good, as well as the bad. It made no attempt to sort out the difference between what some people of one kind did from what these people do.
Now. If that's what floats your boat, that's cool. If that serves a purpose for you, then more power to you. But I just don't have any time for it. I don't find it humorous, cute or original. I don't find it interesting or intellectually valuable. I find it rather fucking dull. Just as I find negative people to be rather fucking dull. To me, complaining is the lowest possible form of human discourse. That's why children are famous for it. And this is my life. I get around 70 years on this globe, if I'm lucky. And I have no intentions of wasting them, wherever I may find myself, or in whatever circumstances, putting all my time and effort into making it known, in a completely unproductive manner, that something is bothering me. Instigating conversations is different. Offering solutions is even more different. Trying to be a part of those solutions is 180 degrees worth of difference. And to me, that blog, was the antithesis of being a part of the solution. And that, to me, is what makes a negative K blog.
Futher more. As a personal aside. K bloggers, when dealing with this issue, would do well to note that some of us do not live completely outside of Korean society. Some of us have extremely dear friends who are Korean. Some of us have spouses who are Korean. Some of us have children who are half Korean. For me, personally, the fucking tipping point on the scales on this one is that my students are Korean. My students -- these darling little people who, quite literally, have made my life worth living for the last year and a half. These people who make me smile and laugh almost continually throughout every single day. These people who have led my mother to comment on how she's never, in her life, heard my voice sound so happy as she has continuously since I've been here.
I don't know you from fucking adam. Just because we're from the same part of the world doesn't mean that I have any fucking connection to you whatsoever. You mean nothing to me, anymore than you would otherwise. But I do know my students. I know my Korean friends. I know my Korean co-workers. And I love them. So, if you (whoever you may be) are deadset on making your mantra a 'me vs. all Koreans everywhere' chant, you can be sure which side I'm going to end up on everytime. If you want to have a shot at me seeing your point, you'd do best to drop the 'all' and 'every' fucking childish nonsense. That's just my view on things.
Look. What it comes down to is this. I've been through actual shit in my life. You don't need to read about it here, but just trust that it's true. Now, I have a roof over my head. I'm able to pay my bills. I'm even able to eat properly and see a movie if I'd like to. I don't have anyone putting their hands on me in an abusive manner. I'm not literally sick with anxiety every morning when I wake up. Furthermore, I have a job (one job) that not only actually meets the basic financial requirements for existence, but which I am actually madly, ridiculously in love with. Which was something I never thought would be possible for me, at one point (or several) in my life. The way I look at it, if I didn't feel the need to bitch and moan continuously back when times were harder, and make that about absolutely everyone else around me (and I didn't), then I have no need to do that now.
So, no. I'm not glossing over anything. I'm not in denial about my life here in Korea, or how I'm treated or considered by Koreans. I'm being honest. My life here is happy, the happiest it's ever been. I'm sorry that not everyone is having that same experience -- not sarcastically, well and truly sorry. Because I do wish that every single foreigner in Korea could experience what I have. It's changed my life. For the better.
Student sketches II: Dukbum.
I fell in love with Dukbum when all his classmates were busy writing in wrestlers and pop stars on their worksheets, while he would constantly reference Chopin and Beethoven. Dukbum was patient with me, because in the beginning, I didn't really clue into the fact that it was the same student writing about classical composers every week. Every week I would be surprised when I would come across his paper. But eventually I caught on. And that's when Dukbum suddenly started speaking English.
Amongst my enormous student population, I am aware that these little guys exist. They sit quietly through every class, and never dare to utter a single sentence in English, until you catch on to the fact that they are capable of it, first. I've learned how to spot these guys fairly well by now. Once they know you're on to them, they drop the act fairly quickly and are suddenly chattering away. God knows why this is. But Dukbum was one of these.
Dukbum is one of the rare students who I look at and think, jesus christ if you were ten years older. And, there has to be hope. Because if you exist at this age, you must still exist at my age, as well.
He has an incredible inner struggle. He is ridiculously diligent -- in his manners, in his studies, and in the pursuit of his passions, the main one being (obviously) music. His appearnce is neat, classic and modest. He keeps his hair cut army-short, and he was always in full uniform, with everything tightened, tucked in and folded down the way it ought to be.
Then, one day, I noticed that Dukbum's hair was getting a bit unruly. Not unruly, exactly. He always kept it neatly combed. But just, I guess, longer. I commented on this every single time I saw him, and how handsome he was looking. Eventually, I figured out what it was all about.
On the day of the school festival concert, at which Dukbum was to perform with the band, he walked into the third grade office and I nearly fell out of my chair.
He stood proudly in front of my desk wearing ripped black skinny jeans, red converse, a strategically tucked/untucked white button down shirt, skinny black tie, and distressed black vest.
"Dukbum oh my god!"
He grinned like loon. "Teacher how do I look?"
"You look amazing! Like a rock star! Dukbum, can I have your autograph?"
For this one day, Dukbum went all out. He had waited for it with baited breath all year long. Because, on this day only, Dukbum had the chance to be himself. Dukbum can't keep his hair long. He can't wear skinny jeans and ripped clothes on the street. He can't even play guitar all that often (he usually has to focus on piano and cello). Because Dukbum would rather die than let his parents down.
Dukbum and I spent a lot of time talking together in the office alone during Winter vacation, and even spring break, after he had graduated. Dukbum always talks about his 'duties' with absolutely no remorse. He has no girlfriend, because he must focus on his studies. He cannot be a good boyfriend until after he has finished his studies, and his army service. Then, he can properly take care of a girlfriend. Until then, he won't waste a girl's time. Although he loves music, there is no future in music. He must secure a good job so that he can take care of his parents later in life, and raise his children well. He wanted to go to a more relaxed high school with his friends, but he decided that he would have to go to an advanced high school, because, ultimately, he could handle it and it was his responsibility to do the very best that he could.
This is one half of the conversation that I have with Dukbum. The other half is about music, art and poetry. How human relationships are magical and the only important thing that we have. How art opens a door in our souls that nothing else can move. How we are able to communicate great things to each other, even though neither one of us is particularly gifted in the other's native language, although Dukbum is significantly moreso than I am. How when he listens to certain songs, no matter how many times he's heard them, he can't help but to cry, not because they are sad, but because he doesn't know what else to do with what he feels when he hears them.
And only on one occasion was I able to get him to admit that he does, deep deep down, have some struggles with himself in relation to his "duties".
When Dukbum left on that last day, I did something I have never done with any other student -- I handed him a slip of paper with my email address on it. "I know you will be quite busy this year, Dukbum. But if you ever want to talk, I want you to keep in touch. I will miss you very much."
The rest of the vacation rolled on and the new school year started. I missed him and his classmates a great deal, and felt lonely walking down the halls without their familiar faces and sounds. But there were new students to contend with, and to fall in love with. The second week of the school year, I came into the office one morning to find a letter on my desk. Written on the front of the envelope was this: "I think that the relation between human and human is important. That is 'endless smile'." Inside was a letter from Dukbum. He said emailing was fine, if that's what I wanted, but he thought letters were more 'romantic', and that if I gave letters to his dongsaeng in the first grade, he would deliver them to Dukbum. Dukbum would send letters back through the same student.
So-called, we become the pen-pal. Be healthy and may you go well on your everything. From your pupil Dukbum.
This Sunday, after going for an early morning walk through the neighborhood, I was thinking about him. I know he's having midterms now, and must be riding himself to the point of ill-health. So I sat down to write him a letter. I told him not to push himself so hard, because he's smart enough to succeed without killing himself studying. I told him about my walk through the neighborhood, and how kind the older people are to let me speak my terrible Korean without laughing or misunderstanding me. How I'm not like him -- I'm a terrible student, and these days my apartment stays very clean, because when I sit down to study, I suddenly realize there's some dust in the corner I must attend to. How I hope, someday soon, to be able to write to him in Korean. I wrote down one of the Korean phrases I had learned that day to show him that I'm trying. I asked him what rock songs he was learning on guitar (as he had confessed to me, right before leaving, that this was his new top secret guilty interest). I called myself his "friend", because I am not his teacher any longer.
Next month is Teacher's Day. Although a whole boatload of students asked if I would still be at my school on this day (the day that students traditionally visit their old teachers in Korea) last year before they left, I don't have high hopes that too many of them will show up. They've all had Korean teachers who have had a much stronger impact on their lives. Suffice it to say, however, that I'll be looking forward to seeing Dukbum on that day. And it might break my heart, just a little, if he doesn't come.
Amongst my enormous student population, I am aware that these little guys exist. They sit quietly through every class, and never dare to utter a single sentence in English, until you catch on to the fact that they are capable of it, first. I've learned how to spot these guys fairly well by now. Once they know you're on to them, they drop the act fairly quickly and are suddenly chattering away. God knows why this is. But Dukbum was one of these.
Dukbum is one of the rare students who I look at and think, jesus christ if you were ten years older. And, there has to be hope. Because if you exist at this age, you must still exist at my age, as well.
He has an incredible inner struggle. He is ridiculously diligent -- in his manners, in his studies, and in the pursuit of his passions, the main one being (obviously) music. His appearnce is neat, classic and modest. He keeps his hair cut army-short, and he was always in full uniform, with everything tightened, tucked in and folded down the way it ought to be.
Then, one day, I noticed that Dukbum's hair was getting a bit unruly. Not unruly, exactly. He always kept it neatly combed. But just, I guess, longer. I commented on this every single time I saw him, and how handsome he was looking. Eventually, I figured out what it was all about.
On the day of the school festival concert, at which Dukbum was to perform with the band, he walked into the third grade office and I nearly fell out of my chair.
He stood proudly in front of my desk wearing ripped black skinny jeans, red converse, a strategically tucked/untucked white button down shirt, skinny black tie, and distressed black vest.
"Dukbum oh my god!"
He grinned like loon. "Teacher how do I look?"
"You look amazing! Like a rock star! Dukbum, can I have your autograph?"
For this one day, Dukbum went all out. He had waited for it with baited breath all year long. Because, on this day only, Dukbum had the chance to be himself. Dukbum can't keep his hair long. He can't wear skinny jeans and ripped clothes on the street. He can't even play guitar all that often (he usually has to focus on piano and cello). Because Dukbum would rather die than let his parents down.
Dukbum and I spent a lot of time talking together in the office alone during Winter vacation, and even spring break, after he had graduated. Dukbum always talks about his 'duties' with absolutely no remorse. He has no girlfriend, because he must focus on his studies. He cannot be a good boyfriend until after he has finished his studies, and his army service. Then, he can properly take care of a girlfriend. Until then, he won't waste a girl's time. Although he loves music, there is no future in music. He must secure a good job so that he can take care of his parents later in life, and raise his children well. He wanted to go to a more relaxed high school with his friends, but he decided that he would have to go to an advanced high school, because, ultimately, he could handle it and it was his responsibility to do the very best that he could.
This is one half of the conversation that I have with Dukbum. The other half is about music, art and poetry. How human relationships are magical and the only important thing that we have. How art opens a door in our souls that nothing else can move. How we are able to communicate great things to each other, even though neither one of us is particularly gifted in the other's native language, although Dukbum is significantly moreso than I am. How when he listens to certain songs, no matter how many times he's heard them, he can't help but to cry, not because they are sad, but because he doesn't know what else to do with what he feels when he hears them.
And only on one occasion was I able to get him to admit that he does, deep deep down, have some struggles with himself in relation to his "duties".
When Dukbum left on that last day, I did something I have never done with any other student -- I handed him a slip of paper with my email address on it. "I know you will be quite busy this year, Dukbum. But if you ever want to talk, I want you to keep in touch. I will miss you very much."
The rest of the vacation rolled on and the new school year started. I missed him and his classmates a great deal, and felt lonely walking down the halls without their familiar faces and sounds. But there were new students to contend with, and to fall in love with. The second week of the school year, I came into the office one morning to find a letter on my desk. Written on the front of the envelope was this: "I think that the relation between human and human is important. That is 'endless smile'." Inside was a letter from Dukbum. He said emailing was fine, if that's what I wanted, but he thought letters were more 'romantic', and that if I gave letters to his dongsaeng in the first grade, he would deliver them to Dukbum. Dukbum would send letters back through the same student.
So-called, we become the pen-pal. Be healthy and may you go well on your everything. From your pupil Dukbum.
This Sunday, after going for an early morning walk through the neighborhood, I was thinking about him. I know he's having midterms now, and must be riding himself to the point of ill-health. So I sat down to write him a letter. I told him not to push himself so hard, because he's smart enough to succeed without killing himself studying. I told him about my walk through the neighborhood, and how kind the older people are to let me speak my terrible Korean without laughing or misunderstanding me. How I'm not like him -- I'm a terrible student, and these days my apartment stays very clean, because when I sit down to study, I suddenly realize there's some dust in the corner I must attend to. How I hope, someday soon, to be able to write to him in Korean. I wrote down one of the Korean phrases I had learned that day to show him that I'm trying. I asked him what rock songs he was learning on guitar (as he had confessed to me, right before leaving, that this was his new top secret guilty interest). I called myself his "friend", because I am not his teacher any longer.
Next month is Teacher's Day. Although a whole boatload of students asked if I would still be at my school on this day (the day that students traditionally visit their old teachers in Korea) last year before they left, I don't have high hopes that too many of them will show up. They've all had Korean teachers who have had a much stronger impact on their lives. Suffice it to say, however, that I'll be looking forward to seeing Dukbum on that day. And it might break my heart, just a little, if he doesn't come.
Cute.
Me, greeting the next class of students in the hall after a 30 minute school-wide blackout:
"Oh my god! Blackout! Can you believe it!"
[Reactions of varied levels of comprehension.]
Me: "Lights! Kkkkch!"
Hangbin (in Korean): "Foreigners [static] better than Koreans."
Me (in Korean): "Foreigners what?"
Hangbin (in Korean): [Repeats.]
Me (in English): "In English... I don't know that word. Foreigners are what.... do what.... better than Koreans, how?"
Hangbin (in English): "Ah.... sound better?"
"Sound better? I don't understand. Try again."
"Make a noise? 아니.... sound.... describe."
Lightbulb. "Ah! You mean this? Kkkkch!"
"Yes!"
"Ah. You think foreigners' sounds are better than Koreans' sounds. I understand. I like Korean sounds though."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Like ㅋㅋㅋ and 'aish!' Or soju sound! KKKKKKKKKKKCH!"
"Oh! Teacher Korean sound good!"
"I am ajeosshi. I know. It's okay."
"Oh my god! Blackout! Can you believe it!"
[Reactions of varied levels of comprehension.]
Me: "Lights! Kkkkch!"
Hangbin (in Korean): "Foreigners [static] better than Koreans."
Me (in Korean): "Foreigners what?"
Hangbin (in Korean): [Repeats.]
Me (in English): "In English... I don't know that word. Foreigners are what.... do what.... better than Koreans, how?"
Hangbin (in English): "Ah.... sound better?"
"Sound better? I don't understand. Try again."
"Make a noise? 아니.... sound.... describe."
Lightbulb. "Ah! You mean this? Kkkkch!"
"Yes!"
"Ah. You think foreigners' sounds are better than Koreans' sounds. I understand. I like Korean sounds though."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Like ㅋㅋㅋ and 'aish!' Or soju sound! KKKKKKKKKKKCH!"
"Oh! Teacher Korean sound good!"
"I am ajeosshi. I know. It's okay."
4.27.2010
Student sketches I: Seokhee.
Because you know I love those boys. And obviously all I do in my free time now is study Korean, chain-smoke, drink coffee and blog. Possibly misguided, in such a public forum, but fuck it.
Seokhee.
My fluent English speaker. Chronic fucking fibber, I've come to discover. Obsessed with making it known that he has a girlfriend, that he fancies his homeroom teacher (Co) and that I'm not to be closer to any other student than him. In fact, I'm not to mention any other student with affection in front of him, or he will immediately invent a story about how they are an awful person who degrades weaker students, which he knows I despise. For example, today I mentioned Dukbum (who I'll get into eventually), who is his seonbae from last year. Seokhee is in the student band this year, and Dukbum was last year, so I wondered if they knew each other. Seokhee heard the affection in my voice for Dukbum and launched into a doosie about how Dukbum had smashed a guitar to bits upon graduation last year, and had ranted and raved about how he hated being in the school band because the other members didn't show him proper respect or do what he said. There is no way in hell any ounce of this is true. When I said as much, and Seokhee began to realize how well I know this student, he corrected himself by establishing that this story had come from another seonbae, and he couldn't confirm any of it directly himself.
Seokhee often rants about how much he hates "Koreans". Seokhee is sixteen, and at sixteen, most of us had a tendency to rail against whereever we were from, of course. I certainly had an earful to unload on anyone who would listen at that age about Texans, Southern Baptists, conservatives, etc etc. While we were walking home together one day, Seokhee noticed how people would slow down and stare as they passed me on the sidewalk. He went off about how backwoods Koreans are, and how he just can't bear to be associated with them. He had also been carrying on lately about how the first graders, who I've not taught yet, would not bow and greet me in the hallway.
I always take these little defensive attacks of Seokhee in stride, simply smiling gently at him and telling him not to worry about it -- if it doesn't bother me (and it doesn't), it shouldn't bother him.
But why doesn't it bother you? It's so childish and rude.
It doesn't bother me because close to nothing bothers me that doesn't come from a place of bad intentions. The students are just nervous and don't know what to do, I explained. They have probably never had a foreign teacher before, and they think that bowing to me and greeting me in Korean is weird and awkward, but they're also really shy about using English. They're obviously acknowledging my presence as I pass them, but they're just not sure what to do after that. They're kids -- give them a break. You all did the same thing when I first arrived. You needed to get to know me, and to find out that it's okay to bow, it's okay to greet me in Korean, it's okay to wave, and it's okay to say "hi!". You were nervous too, in the beginning. It had nothing to do with a lack of manners.
What about the staring? Don't you get tired of it?
Of course, I have bad days, like any other human being. But it's not so bad, most of the time. I've gotten quite used to it.
But doesn't it seem so childish to you? These people have never been outside... they will never go outside.... they're stupid.
They're not stupid. I had largely never been outside either, before I came to Korea. I didn't know it at the time, but I actually made a huge amount of ridiculous social blunders when speaking to my Korean students back in the States, because I wasn't aware of exactly how different cultures can be, and I simply didn't know any better. My students were kind enough to forgive me for this, never even actually mention it so as not to embarrass me, and to accept me as a friend and as a teacher, even though I'm sure I came across as quite stupid to them at times. I didn't have bad intentions -- I wasn't trying to be that way. I just didn't know what I was doing. If my students could be so generous with me, then I owe it to others to be just as generous.
At which point, Seokhee's face suddenly changed.
The truth is, 샘, when I first met you.... I was so nervous.
Were you really?
Yes. I was terrified, actually.
Why? You speak English fluently....
Yes. But I had never met a real American before. I only ever saw them on TV. I just wasn't really sure what to say or do.
You know, Seokhee, I was nervous when I first met you, too.
You were?! No... 샘 I know that's not true.
It is, though. You were the first student I could actually talk to. I had never been a teacher like this before, and I wanted to make a good impression on you. And I was also very happy to meet you. Because you were the first person I met in Korea who I could have a fluent conversation with.
I was happy to meet you too, 샘. Sometimes, I think like I am a foreigner, too. And I could speak English with you, and you knew about other cultures. I can't have that very often. And these days, I just want to talk to you more.
Seokhee, I'm always happy to talk with you. And I'm really happy that you always come by the office these days and stay and talk a long time. You've seen already that I'm not as busy as you think. You make my days a lot brighter, and a lot less boring. So keep coming to talk to me, anytime.
And he has. Almost every day, we talk for an hour at least. Today, I asked him if I could come to his wedding. He said, of course you are invited to my wedding. But you won't remember me then. I said, I will always, always remember you Seokhee. I'll be at your wedding. Promise. And I'll still be single.
Oh, 샘. I'll find a man for you by then. Don't worry.
Seokhee.
My fluent English speaker. Chronic fucking fibber, I've come to discover. Obsessed with making it known that he has a girlfriend, that he fancies his homeroom teacher (Co) and that I'm not to be closer to any other student than him. In fact, I'm not to mention any other student with affection in front of him, or he will immediately invent a story about how they are an awful person who degrades weaker students, which he knows I despise. For example, today I mentioned Dukbum (who I'll get into eventually), who is his seonbae from last year. Seokhee is in the student band this year, and Dukbum was last year, so I wondered if they knew each other. Seokhee heard the affection in my voice for Dukbum and launched into a doosie about how Dukbum had smashed a guitar to bits upon graduation last year, and had ranted and raved about how he hated being in the school band because the other members didn't show him proper respect or do what he said. There is no way in hell any ounce of this is true. When I said as much, and Seokhee began to realize how well I know this student, he corrected himself by establishing that this story had come from another seonbae, and he couldn't confirm any of it directly himself.
Seokhee often rants about how much he hates "Koreans". Seokhee is sixteen, and at sixteen, most of us had a tendency to rail against whereever we were from, of course. I certainly had an earful to unload on anyone who would listen at that age about Texans, Southern Baptists, conservatives, etc etc. While we were walking home together one day, Seokhee noticed how people would slow down and stare as they passed me on the sidewalk. He went off about how backwoods Koreans are, and how he just can't bear to be associated with them. He had also been carrying on lately about how the first graders, who I've not taught yet, would not bow and greet me in the hallway.
I always take these little defensive attacks of Seokhee in stride, simply smiling gently at him and telling him not to worry about it -- if it doesn't bother me (and it doesn't), it shouldn't bother him.
But why doesn't it bother you? It's so childish and rude.
It doesn't bother me because close to nothing bothers me that doesn't come from a place of bad intentions. The students are just nervous and don't know what to do, I explained. They have probably never had a foreign teacher before, and they think that bowing to me and greeting me in Korean is weird and awkward, but they're also really shy about using English. They're obviously acknowledging my presence as I pass them, but they're just not sure what to do after that. They're kids -- give them a break. You all did the same thing when I first arrived. You needed to get to know me, and to find out that it's okay to bow, it's okay to greet me in Korean, it's okay to wave, and it's okay to say "hi!". You were nervous too, in the beginning. It had nothing to do with a lack of manners.
What about the staring? Don't you get tired of it?
Of course, I have bad days, like any other human being. But it's not so bad, most of the time. I've gotten quite used to it.
But doesn't it seem so childish to you? These people have never been outside... they will never go outside.... they're stupid.
They're not stupid. I had largely never been outside either, before I came to Korea. I didn't know it at the time, but I actually made a huge amount of ridiculous social blunders when speaking to my Korean students back in the States, because I wasn't aware of exactly how different cultures can be, and I simply didn't know any better. My students were kind enough to forgive me for this, never even actually mention it so as not to embarrass me, and to accept me as a friend and as a teacher, even though I'm sure I came across as quite stupid to them at times. I didn't have bad intentions -- I wasn't trying to be that way. I just didn't know what I was doing. If my students could be so generous with me, then I owe it to others to be just as generous.
At which point, Seokhee's face suddenly changed.
The truth is, 샘, when I first met you.... I was so nervous.
Were you really?
Yes. I was terrified, actually.
Why? You speak English fluently....
Yes. But I had never met a real American before. I only ever saw them on TV. I just wasn't really sure what to say or do.
You know, Seokhee, I was nervous when I first met you, too.
You were?! No... 샘 I know that's not true.
It is, though. You were the first student I could actually talk to. I had never been a teacher like this before, and I wanted to make a good impression on you. And I was also very happy to meet you. Because you were the first person I met in Korea who I could have a fluent conversation with.
I was happy to meet you too, 샘. Sometimes, I think like I am a foreigner, too. And I could speak English with you, and you knew about other cultures. I can't have that very often. And these days, I just want to talk to you more.
Seokhee, I'm always happy to talk with you. And I'm really happy that you always come by the office these days and stay and talk a long time. You've seen already that I'm not as busy as you think. You make my days a lot brighter, and a lot less boring. So keep coming to talk to me, anytime.
And he has. Almost every day, we talk for an hour at least. Today, I asked him if I could come to his wedding. He said, of course you are invited to my wedding. But you won't remember me then. I said, I will always, always remember you Seokhee. I'll be at your wedding. Promise. And I'll still be single.
Oh, 샘. I'll find a man for you by then. Don't worry.
The hagwon/Korean girlfriend blues.
This post is obviously not going to be about me. Because I neither work at a hagwon, nor do I have a Korean girlfriend. I'm just going to take advantage of the opportunity to completely sell my buddy down the river in blog format, because I really have nothing better to talk about.
Poor Smalltown. I can't say I didn't see all of this coming. But my favorite passtime these days is keeping my good-for-nothing smart mouth shut, as certain elder members of my family have been inclined to refer to it, in years past (and, occasionally, these days still will). We had a bit of a disagreement a month or so back when his girlfriend banned me for no good reason, but on the night when that duncecap followed me back from the bus stop, he was the natural choice for Male In My Life I Should Call In This Situation. Lucky for him. Because lately, I've been the natural choice for Female In His Life He Should Call In This Situation. This Situation being two-fold: 1. his hagwon recently being taken over by a raving psychotic "45 year old dragon of a virgin of a woman", as he likes to refer to her, and 2. his girlfriend driving him absolutely up the wall.
The two have become intrinsically intwined in his mind, because the outcome of one will decide and/or affect the outcome of the other.
Ah. The ol' to-stick-around-for-the-girl-or-not debate. I have to watch myself when doling out advice on this one, because my answers are all auto-set to "Hell no! What are you thinking?" To wit, every time I've felt a strong attachment to a person, there has been an issue of distance at play. In no such a situation thus far has that relationship ever trumped my desire to be wherever I was (or go wherever I was going). So, when my phone rang in the office this afternoon, and I took a seat on the steps outside to hash it all out, I had to make my responses measured, and give all kinds of preambling statements in offense toward my own advice.
Basically, today he quit his job. After first calling me about the situation, and us running over a list of things he needed to check into before he had The Conversation, he managed to find out that his hagwon has not had him under insurance coverage, has not been paying his taxes or into his pension, and has been overcharging him by 110,000 won a month for his building maintainance fee. Yay! It's so fucking typical that I don't even know where to start.
Discussions of these issues quickly lapsed into a completely uncharacteristic (for Smalltown) rant about issues with the girl. She's around all the time. She won't let him go out with anyone on his own at all, and rarely agrees to go out with him. And he's generally fed up with her altogether child-like behavior and view of the world. He's tired of her not even trying to find a job, not studying English at all (although she's pushing him to take her back to his home country with him), and of her embarrassing him when they're out with other foreigners by pouting, slapping him around and making a general scene of herself.
It's hard, isn't it, not to make these things about "Korean" women, yeah? But they're not. And I was quick to point this out, reminding him that, at the time he first met his current girlfriend, he, The Baby and I had all been meeting together on these bizarre double dates (that I was totally forced into against my will via methods I can still barely fathom) with an absolutely stunning Korean woman. An absolutely stunning Korean woman who was at the top of her class in university, spoke beautiful fluent English, was interested in and knowledgeable about just about every field of art, and was working diligently toward her degree, as well as holding up a part time job to help support herself. When Smalltown opted for the current option, in fact, I was totally crestfallen at the loss of a potential friendship and loads of time spent hanging out with this girl. I was seriously very nearly in love with her myself.
And shortly before he started officially dating the current option, he also met JH Unni, who was quite bald in her display of interest in him as well. And I adore JH Unni, who is also working to support herself, as well as working her ass off to make the scores necessary on the major English exams to attend the British university she's already been accepted into for the fall semester.
I didn't bring all of this up to slag his girl off -- that's one thing I just don't do. I also made arguments about how hanging around with him and other foreigners all the time, with their fluent English, must not be the most fun in the entire world, and you can't blame a girl for getting a little pouty about it. God knows I can get in a right strop at times when the conversation stays in fluent Korean for too long. But then again (this part, I didn't vocalize) the only one of Smalltown's friends who speaks any Korean at all and is able to bridge the gap in a social environment is me. And I was banned for being a girl. So....
The truth is, Smalltown had two very lovely, very reasonable other options on the table at that point. Two beautiful women who were both actively interested in, and capable of, moving back to his home country on their own steam (without his assistance in the least). But now he's complaining because the girl that he chose expects him to sort this all out on his own, and he's not even really sure that she's worth it.
And yet, when I raised the suggestion that, perhaps, he should just sort out his job situation and where he would like to be living, and worry about the relationship after that, I could feel his tone slip into oh-Liz-is-being-typical-Liz mode. I most certainly was not. And I'm perfectly capable of admitting it when I am. I just think that any relationship that's going to be worth all that trouble to begin with will be able to withstand a little time in transit first. Call me crazy.
It all goes back to a conversation I had with Doing It Korean Style over dinner on Saturday night. That conversation being, as tired as we may all get at times of the fucking never-ending merry-go-round that is dating as an expat, it can be incredibly difficult to manage to find someone willing and/or able to make the jump off the ride with you. For Koreans, by and large, we are not always a viable serious option. Or not as viable as another Korean would be. For other foreigners, we find ourselves in an interesting predicament, because oh! finally! we are surrounded by other people who suffer from wanderlust and who are not content to just stay in their hometowns and establish That Life, without getting a gander at what's out there first. But. These other foreigners are the other people who also tend to have incredibly strong wills about where they will be going next. So even if you do find someone who's willing to do the whole expat song-and-dance with you for long enough to call the thing a serious relationship, you have to find someone who's compass is similarly oriented. He wants to move on to Southeast Asia, and you've had your eye on South America. She's always wanted to spend a year in Russia, but you've been dreaming of the Middle East.
Oh. What a mess.
Add to this the fact that I spent the lunch period today hearing Co tell an incredibly depressing story about a Korean woman who married an American soldier years back, ended up in Wyoming with three halfsie children who refused to have anything at all to do with her culture, with him suddenly (back on his home turf) looking down on her for being generally considered weird and incompetent within American culture, how she's been through two divorces since then (both husbands ending up being abusive alcoholics, although they certainly didn't start that way), how she's now basically trapped in the US because she's too old to find work back in Korea, her children have no connection or interest in the country, and she can't even afford the plane ticket back to begin with, and my view of the potential for these things to end well for everyone involved has taken a huge blow today.
Thank god for success stories like Diana and Amanda's to keep us grounded and hanging on to hope, eh?
Poor Smalltown. I can't say I didn't see all of this coming. But my favorite passtime these days is keeping my good-for-nothing smart mouth shut, as certain elder members of my family have been inclined to refer to it, in years past (and, occasionally, these days still will). We had a bit of a disagreement a month or so back when his girlfriend banned me for no good reason, but on the night when that duncecap followed me back from the bus stop, he was the natural choice for Male In My Life I Should Call In This Situation. Lucky for him. Because lately, I've been the natural choice for Female In His Life He Should Call In This Situation. This Situation being two-fold: 1. his hagwon recently being taken over by a raving psychotic "45 year old dragon of a virgin of a woman", as he likes to refer to her, and 2. his girlfriend driving him absolutely up the wall.
The two have become intrinsically intwined in his mind, because the outcome of one will decide and/or affect the outcome of the other.
Ah. The ol' to-stick-around-for-the-girl-or-not debate. I have to watch myself when doling out advice on this one, because my answers are all auto-set to "Hell no! What are you thinking?" To wit, every time I've felt a strong attachment to a person, there has been an issue of distance at play. In no such a situation thus far has that relationship ever trumped my desire to be wherever I was (or go wherever I was going). So, when my phone rang in the office this afternoon, and I took a seat on the steps outside to hash it all out, I had to make my responses measured, and give all kinds of preambling statements in offense toward my own advice.
Basically, today he quit his job. After first calling me about the situation, and us running over a list of things he needed to check into before he had The Conversation, he managed to find out that his hagwon has not had him under insurance coverage, has not been paying his taxes or into his pension, and has been overcharging him by 110,000 won a month for his building maintainance fee. Yay! It's so fucking typical that I don't even know where to start.
Discussions of these issues quickly lapsed into a completely uncharacteristic (for Smalltown) rant about issues with the girl. She's around all the time. She won't let him go out with anyone on his own at all, and rarely agrees to go out with him. And he's generally fed up with her altogether child-like behavior and view of the world. He's tired of her not even trying to find a job, not studying English at all (although she's pushing him to take her back to his home country with him), and of her embarrassing him when they're out with other foreigners by pouting, slapping him around and making a general scene of herself.
It's hard, isn't it, not to make these things about "Korean" women, yeah? But they're not. And I was quick to point this out, reminding him that, at the time he first met his current girlfriend, he, The Baby and I had all been meeting together on these bizarre double dates (that I was totally forced into against my will via methods I can still barely fathom) with an absolutely stunning Korean woman. An absolutely stunning Korean woman who was at the top of her class in university, spoke beautiful fluent English, was interested in and knowledgeable about just about every field of art, and was working diligently toward her degree, as well as holding up a part time job to help support herself. When Smalltown opted for the current option, in fact, I was totally crestfallen at the loss of a potential friendship and loads of time spent hanging out with this girl. I was seriously very nearly in love with her myself.
And shortly before he started officially dating the current option, he also met JH Unni, who was quite bald in her display of interest in him as well. And I adore JH Unni, who is also working to support herself, as well as working her ass off to make the scores necessary on the major English exams to attend the British university she's already been accepted into for the fall semester.
I didn't bring all of this up to slag his girl off -- that's one thing I just don't do. I also made arguments about how hanging around with him and other foreigners all the time, with their fluent English, must not be the most fun in the entire world, and you can't blame a girl for getting a little pouty about it. God knows I can get in a right strop at times when the conversation stays in fluent Korean for too long. But then again (this part, I didn't vocalize) the only one of Smalltown's friends who speaks any Korean at all and is able to bridge the gap in a social environment is me. And I was banned for being a girl. So....
The truth is, Smalltown had two very lovely, very reasonable other options on the table at that point. Two beautiful women who were both actively interested in, and capable of, moving back to his home country on their own steam (without his assistance in the least). But now he's complaining because the girl that he chose expects him to sort this all out on his own, and he's not even really sure that she's worth it.
And yet, when I raised the suggestion that, perhaps, he should just sort out his job situation and where he would like to be living, and worry about the relationship after that, I could feel his tone slip into oh-Liz-is-being-typical-Liz mode. I most certainly was not. And I'm perfectly capable of admitting it when I am. I just think that any relationship that's going to be worth all that trouble to begin with will be able to withstand a little time in transit first. Call me crazy.
It all goes back to a conversation I had with Doing It Korean Style over dinner on Saturday night. That conversation being, as tired as we may all get at times of the fucking never-ending merry-go-round that is dating as an expat, it can be incredibly difficult to manage to find someone willing and/or able to make the jump off the ride with you. For Koreans, by and large, we are not always a viable serious option. Or not as viable as another Korean would be. For other foreigners, we find ourselves in an interesting predicament, because oh! finally! we are surrounded by other people who suffer from wanderlust and who are not content to just stay in their hometowns and establish That Life, without getting a gander at what's out there first. But. These other foreigners are the other people who also tend to have incredibly strong wills about where they will be going next. So even if you do find someone who's willing to do the whole expat song-and-dance with you for long enough to call the thing a serious relationship, you have to find someone who's compass is similarly oriented. He wants to move on to Southeast Asia, and you've had your eye on South America. She's always wanted to spend a year in Russia, but you've been dreaming of the Middle East.
Oh. What a mess.
Add to this the fact that I spent the lunch period today hearing Co tell an incredibly depressing story about a Korean woman who married an American soldier years back, ended up in Wyoming with three halfsie children who refused to have anything at all to do with her culture, with him suddenly (back on his home turf) looking down on her for being generally considered weird and incompetent within American culture, how she's been through two divorces since then (both husbands ending up being abusive alcoholics, although they certainly didn't start that way), how she's now basically trapped in the US because she's too old to find work back in Korea, her children have no connection or interest in the country, and she can't even afford the plane ticket back to begin with, and my view of the potential for these things to end well for everyone involved has taken a huge blow today.
Thank god for success stories like Diana and Amanda's to keep us grounded and hanging on to hope, eh?
How's the mood in South Korea at the moment?
I'm in America and I’ve read about the news of how North Korea is probably behind the attack on the navy ship. My question is, what's the mood like in Korea about all this? One can only get so much from news articles.
I feel hesitant to respond to this because I've had quite a busy weekend/week so far, and the only Koreans I've had time to properly socialize with have been fifteen year old boys. I do know that the ceremony honoring those who died will be held this Thursday, and the deaths have hit quite hard. It is definitely considered a tragedy.
As for the speculation about North Korea, it seems to me that a lot of the Koreans I know are having fairly tempered responses. The news hasn't been very clear, and no one's exactly sure what's going on. Which is a normal situation when anything happens involving North Korea, which South Koreans have a lot of experience with. So. My understanding of things (which is admittedly not the best informed at this moment or on this subject) is that everyone basically agrees that the situation is tragic, but the reactions to North Korean involvement vary pretty much from person to person, with the vast majority seeming to take a kind of wait-and-see approach on the whole thing, which is quite common in these situations, from what I've seen before.
You have to understand --- this shit has been going on forever. And Koreans aren't really into airing their dirty laundry amongst foreigners, either. Especially about this. Think about when there's turmoil within your family -- do you expect anyone outside of your family to fully understand the situation the way that you are experiencing it? North Korea, despite the trouble with the opposing regimes, is South Korea's family. And almost all of the Koreans I've spoken with on the subject view it as such. There's a long, long history there that outsiders can learn about, commiserate with, and begin to understand with a lot of time and effort, but it's not the same as being inside of that family. In a lot of cases, Koreans will assume that foreigners just won't understand if they talk about the situation with North Korea, and in a lot of cases (in my opinion), they are very, very right. So they mostly don't bring it up, out of the blue, to foreign acquaintances. Korean friends and close co-workers are something else entirely. As for that group, I can only speak for my circle. And in that circle, where North Korea is concerned, there is generally a lot of head shaking and furrowing brows -- much less so, anger. The situation is no different now. That those people died is a tragedy. Everyone agrees. But why they died, who's responsible, and what should be done about it.... I think Koreans generally have the wisdom (taught by their own history) to understand that these questions are hilariously succinct in relation to their answers.
So, to answer in short, the mood in Korea is exactly the same as always. No one is sounding the war drums and no one is freaking out. People are sad, people are worried. But it's the same sadness and worry that's been around for the last half-century.
I feel hesitant to respond to this because I've had quite a busy weekend/week so far, and the only Koreans I've had time to properly socialize with have been fifteen year old boys. I do know that the ceremony honoring those who died will be held this Thursday, and the deaths have hit quite hard. It is definitely considered a tragedy.
As for the speculation about North Korea, it seems to me that a lot of the Koreans I know are having fairly tempered responses. The news hasn't been very clear, and no one's exactly sure what's going on. Which is a normal situation when anything happens involving North Korea, which South Koreans have a lot of experience with. So. My understanding of things (which is admittedly not the best informed at this moment or on this subject) is that everyone basically agrees that the situation is tragic, but the reactions to North Korean involvement vary pretty much from person to person, with the vast majority seeming to take a kind of wait-and-see approach on the whole thing, which is quite common in these situations, from what I've seen before.
You have to understand --- this shit has been going on forever. And Koreans aren't really into airing their dirty laundry amongst foreigners, either. Especially about this. Think about when there's turmoil within your family -- do you expect anyone outside of your family to fully understand the situation the way that you are experiencing it? North Korea, despite the trouble with the opposing regimes, is South Korea's family. And almost all of the Koreans I've spoken with on the subject view it as such. There's a long, long history there that outsiders can learn about, commiserate with, and begin to understand with a lot of time and effort, but it's not the same as being inside of that family. In a lot of cases, Koreans will assume that foreigners just won't understand if they talk about the situation with North Korea, and in a lot of cases (in my opinion), they are very, very right. So they mostly don't bring it up, out of the blue, to foreign acquaintances. Korean friends and close co-workers are something else entirely. As for that group, I can only speak for my circle. And in that circle, where North Korea is concerned, there is generally a lot of head shaking and furrowing brows -- much less so, anger. The situation is no different now. That those people died is a tragedy. Everyone agrees. But why they died, who's responsible, and what should be done about it.... I think Koreans generally have the wisdom (taught by their own history) to understand that these questions are hilariously succinct in relation to their answers.
So, to answer in short, the mood in Korea is exactly the same as always. No one is sounding the war drums and no one is freaking out. People are sad, people are worried. But it's the same sadness and worry that's been around for the last half-century.
4.26.2010
The Mary Poppins dilemma and the center boys, manners eobdah.
Are you people on crack? What is with the bazillion page views today? You must all have exams going on at school with all your classes canceled or something....
I've got a problem. It's a bag problem. Before I came to Korea, I was not a bag person. A bag lady -- some days, the comparison could be made. But a bag person, no. I had a lifelong habit of setting things down in public spaces and then wandering off without them like a fucking idiot. I had pockets and that was all I needed.
Then, I became a teacher. Then, I became a teacher who was studying Korean. Then, I became a teacher who was studying Korean and teaching 8-10 totally unmannered little wild men at a different location, who require things like markers, colored pencils and scissors to keep them from vibrating themselves into a frenzy and blasting off into outer space while being taught English for two hours.
Now, I'm Mary fucking Poppins. I could walk straight out of my office and into the airport, board a plane for Mumbai and probably get by on what's in my bag for a good six months. So long as I could find a job that involved over-sized dice and glue sticks. Or foregoing the assumption that underwear made out of completed English worksheets is an inherently bad idea.
In addition to what I purposely put in my bag, it also contains a collection of assorted nonsense from the students, either taken by force or given as (at times) mystifying little gifts, on any given day. Weird little cardboard circles with pop stars faces' on them ("Teacher Chanseung love! Chanseung 선물이요!" ), ninja stars made out of old vocabulary lists, chocopies, lint-covered cough drops, other people's cell phones.
Nonsense. All around nonsense. And suddenly, Teacher's worried that by the time she's proper halmeoni age, she'll have a proper halmeoni stoop to match.
Aiooh.
The boys at the center. What I haven't mentioned is that Yejin (the girl I teach on Thursdays, who speaks fluent English) has been coming to the center to help me work with the boys, which will look really good on her foreign high school apps in a couple of years. I thought the boys would be full-on thrilled about this -- a girl their own age to hang out with for two hours every week. And Yejin is not hard on the eyes, it has to be said. But they've been less than enthusiastic. In fact, they've been downright 싸가지 없는 새끼들 little bastards about the whole ordeal.
They told the head teacher flat out that they do not want to study English with anyone but me. As lovely as that is as food for my enormous ego, it's been causing some problems while Yejin has been there. She's younger than most of them, so it's expected that they talk down to her a bit. But I've been horrified at their lack of manners throughout. In fact, the more Korean I've been picking up, I've been increasingly horrified at their manners when dealing with the head teacher as well. They think nothing of telling her to go and fetch them something in the lower form of speech. I was particularly crest-fallen when I heard Chanhee do something equivalent to this, when he thought I had already gone the week before last. I called him over in Korean and cussed him out left and right for it. He was impressively embarrassed and apologized to the teacher when I told him to. Utter nonsense.
I guess I had figured they had gotten quite comfortable with me, because we keep up a steady stream of jibing back and forth in Korean throughout classtime, and they generally try to get away with all kinds of nonsense, which I mostly allow, so long as some work is getting done. They always start out class speaking politely, but will switch to the familiar form somewhere through the middle, which is normal when in an intimate setting, and just fine with me -- it's hard to keep up the formal speech, when they're trying simply to be understood by me, and it shows (I thought) that we are close. But I guess what I've been getting is still their version of good behavior. Which is somewhat appalling and disappointing. I knew these boys were rough -- they don't generally come from good homes and are the equivalent of my very lowest students at my regular school. But I didn't know that they were without manners, as well.
And so, it's been a rough couple of weeks. Because they can speak to me however they'd like -- that's a die they're casting at the risk of their own well-being. But I won't tolerate them being rude to Yejin. And the kiboon has been awful, as a result. They also got all in a fucking tither because, when I corrected them and they explained that they were allowed to talk to Yejin that way because she's dongsaeng, I told them that I didn't give a crap how old anyone was, but Yejin is my friend and they won't be speaking to her that way.
Oh. They did not like that one. Saying someone is your "friend" in Korean is really controversial when that person is significantly older or younger than you are. Generally, when two people find out they were born in the same year in Korean, they will say, "Oh we are friends!" Because even one year sets you apart. Last year, for example, Donggyoo (my a level jjang crew boy) and I had had a conversation about how, in American culture, you can be friends at any age. When I saw him and Kyeongwon (another favorite student and a close hyeong of Donggyoo) talking together in the hall one day, Donggyoo turned and pointed at Kyeongwon, and said, "My friend!" Kyeongwon quickly grabbed him by the throat and asked him if he wanted to die. By calling Kyeongwon his "friend", Donggyoo had shown Kyeongwon a great amount of percieved disrespect. So me calling Yejin my "friend" was quite shocking for the boys.
Why can Yejin be Teacher's friend, but we are not? Because she speaks English? Cue the fucking attitudes to end all attitudes. Jesus.
A big part of it is resentment, see. They don't like some rich girl coming in and palling around with their English teacher, speaking in easy fluent English and trying to tell them what they ought to know. And they hate that Yejin and I can speak to each other and they can't understand, which I was quick to point out is exactly how I feel every single I see them and they're speaking to each other in Korean (they've been ridiculously attentive to slowing down their speech to each other, and not just me, since I pointed this out, by the way, and now I am able to know what the fuck is going on nearly all the time). But I explained to them that they can just fucking knock it off, because that is not how gentlemen behave. At all.
But this week Yejin has exams and we were back to business as usual, and somehow, despite Yejin's bilingual absence, things ran much more smoothly. I knew they would be in the midst of exams, and so I didn't plan on having them actually listen to me at all, but instead rolled out the ol' make-your-own-comics lesson, which (as usual, with low level students) terrified them at first glance, but they got really into it and did a great job. My head is throbbing, though, because this meant that instead of being able to process and answer one question they all had about one worksheet or activity at the same time, I had to process and answer a bazillion questions in Korean coming at me from all different directions. It's good practice, though.
On that note, it's time for me to take my aching little head off to bed. Tomorrow is another day full of killing time. Yeehaw and stuff.
I've got a problem. It's a bag problem. Before I came to Korea, I was not a bag person. A bag lady -- some days, the comparison could be made. But a bag person, no. I had a lifelong habit of setting things down in public spaces and then wandering off without them like a fucking idiot. I had pockets and that was all I needed.
Then, I became a teacher. Then, I became a teacher who was studying Korean. Then, I became a teacher who was studying Korean and teaching 8-10 totally unmannered little wild men at a different location, who require things like markers, colored pencils and scissors to keep them from vibrating themselves into a frenzy and blasting off into outer space while being taught English for two hours.
Now, I'm Mary fucking Poppins. I could walk straight out of my office and into the airport, board a plane for Mumbai and probably get by on what's in my bag for a good six months. So long as I could find a job that involved over-sized dice and glue sticks. Or foregoing the assumption that underwear made out of completed English worksheets is an inherently bad idea.
In addition to what I purposely put in my bag, it also contains a collection of assorted nonsense from the students, either taken by force or given as (at times) mystifying little gifts, on any given day. Weird little cardboard circles with pop stars faces' on them ("Teacher Chanseung love! Chanseung 선물이요!" ), ninja stars made out of old vocabulary lists, chocopies, lint-covered cough drops, other people's cell phones.
Nonsense. All around nonsense. And suddenly, Teacher's worried that by the time she's proper halmeoni age, she'll have a proper halmeoni stoop to match.
Aiooh.
The boys at the center. What I haven't mentioned is that Yejin (the girl I teach on Thursdays, who speaks fluent English) has been coming to the center to help me work with the boys, which will look really good on her foreign high school apps in a couple of years. I thought the boys would be full-on thrilled about this -- a girl their own age to hang out with for two hours every week. And Yejin is not hard on the eyes, it has to be said. But they've been less than enthusiastic. In fact, they've been downright 싸가지 없는 새끼들 little bastards about the whole ordeal.
They told the head teacher flat out that they do not want to study English with anyone but me. As lovely as that is as food for my enormous ego, it's been causing some problems while Yejin has been there. She's younger than most of them, so it's expected that they talk down to her a bit. But I've been horrified at their lack of manners throughout. In fact, the more Korean I've been picking up, I've been increasingly horrified at their manners when dealing with the head teacher as well. They think nothing of telling her to go and fetch them something in the lower form of speech. I was particularly crest-fallen when I heard Chanhee do something equivalent to this, when he thought I had already gone the week before last. I called him over in Korean and cussed him out left and right for it. He was impressively embarrassed and apologized to the teacher when I told him to. Utter nonsense.
I guess I had figured they had gotten quite comfortable with me, because we keep up a steady stream of jibing back and forth in Korean throughout classtime, and they generally try to get away with all kinds of nonsense, which I mostly allow, so long as some work is getting done. They always start out class speaking politely, but will switch to the familiar form somewhere through the middle, which is normal when in an intimate setting, and just fine with me -- it's hard to keep up the formal speech, when they're trying simply to be understood by me, and it shows (I thought) that we are close. But I guess what I've been getting is still their version of good behavior. Which is somewhat appalling and disappointing. I knew these boys were rough -- they don't generally come from good homes and are the equivalent of my very lowest students at my regular school. But I didn't know that they were without manners, as well.
And so, it's been a rough couple of weeks. Because they can speak to me however they'd like -- that's a die they're casting at the risk of their own well-being. But I won't tolerate them being rude to Yejin. And the kiboon has been awful, as a result. They also got all in a fucking tither because, when I corrected them and they explained that they were allowed to talk to Yejin that way because she's dongsaeng, I told them that I didn't give a crap how old anyone was, but Yejin is my friend and they won't be speaking to her that way.
Oh. They did not like that one. Saying someone is your "friend" in Korean is really controversial when that person is significantly older or younger than you are. Generally, when two people find out they were born in the same year in Korean, they will say, "Oh we are friends!" Because even one year sets you apart. Last year, for example, Donggyoo (my a level jjang crew boy) and I had had a conversation about how, in American culture, you can be friends at any age. When I saw him and Kyeongwon (another favorite student and a close hyeong of Donggyoo) talking together in the hall one day, Donggyoo turned and pointed at Kyeongwon, and said, "My friend!" Kyeongwon quickly grabbed him by the throat and asked him if he wanted to die. By calling Kyeongwon his "friend", Donggyoo had shown Kyeongwon a great amount of percieved disrespect. So me calling Yejin my "friend" was quite shocking for the boys.
Why can Yejin be Teacher's friend, but we are not? Because she speaks English? Cue the fucking attitudes to end all attitudes. Jesus.
A big part of it is resentment, see. They don't like some rich girl coming in and palling around with their English teacher, speaking in easy fluent English and trying to tell them what they ought to know. And they hate that Yejin and I can speak to each other and they can't understand, which I was quick to point out is exactly how I feel every single I see them and they're speaking to each other in Korean (they've been ridiculously attentive to slowing down their speech to each other, and not just me, since I pointed this out, by the way, and now I am able to know what the fuck is going on nearly all the time). But I explained to them that they can just fucking knock it off, because that is not how gentlemen behave. At all.
But this week Yejin has exams and we were back to business as usual, and somehow, despite Yejin's bilingual absence, things ran much more smoothly. I knew they would be in the midst of exams, and so I didn't plan on having them actually listen to me at all, but instead rolled out the ol' make-your-own-comics lesson, which (as usual, with low level students) terrified them at first glance, but they got really into it and did a great job. My head is throbbing, though, because this meant that instead of being able to process and answer one question they all had about one worksheet or activity at the same time, I had to process and answer a bazillion questions in Korean coming at me from all different directions. It's good practice, though.
On that note, it's time for me to take my aching little head off to bed. Tomorrow is another day full of killing time. Yeehaw and stuff.
4.25.2010
Annoying couple post: me and Korea.
Ah, I’ve got the warm-fuzzies for Korea this morning. Fuck knows where it comes from.
Actually, scratch that. I know where it comes from. It comes from:
1. The weather finally being warm and sunny and (rare for Korea) unhazy.
2. The only people being out at this time on a Sunday morning being lovely small-townish ajummani/ajeosshi shop owners, milling about chatting with each other, and with you, in cool easy Korean. Because they don’t give a fuck that you’re American (other than your pretty blue eyes) and they certainly don’t give a fuck about trying to speak English.
3. The only other people being out at this time on a Sunday morning being your very sweetest, shiest students going to the shops with their lovely, gentle mothers. The way they grin from ear to ear when you recognize them out of their uniforms, and the way their mothers will hide behind them, until you bow and greet them in Korean.
5. Cherry blossoms.
6. Buying coffee, donuts and flowers!
7. Although the donuts are now giving me a stomach ache.
8. The ajummani selling the flowers talking you into also buying the pot because a. it’s pretty, b. there is no flower pot in your house, c. you can’t have flowers without a flower pot, d. she’ll give you a special speaking-Korean-as-a-foreigner discount.
I really do love this country. I always think about how, because it was so foreign to me to begin with, I think I flipped some switch in my mind that I can’t really explain in words, that changed everything to “familiar” instead. And now, if I ever leave, I’ll feel in a way like I left another home. Even Smalltown, my most whimsical of compatriots, can’t understand this when I try to explain it. He’s got a soft spot for Korea the size of Texas, but when I talk about this, he always eventually ends up with a cold, hard face, telling me that he’s happy I’ve managed whatever this is, but he’s sorry, no, Korea will never feel like a home to him.
It's (not) funny, because this is pretty much a mock-up example of numerous conversations I've had with my nearest-and-dearest, re: the extremely few people I've ever "cared about". My loved ones appreciate these people on some sort of external level, but can't ever really seem to understand why I feel the need to take it to the extreme of almost even using that L word. To them, the person in question is usually fundamentally un-L-able, in that way, in some sense.
Maybe me and Korea just jive. And that’s all there is to it. Which is usually the answer I end up giving up and just giving in the latter example, as well.
4.24.2010
7-11 smartass and language mishaps in a cafe.
The kid who works at the 7-11 up the road from my house is a goddamn smartass. Every time I go in there he shouts, "어서 오세요!" at the top of his lungs, standing up straight like he's in the army. Then, when I get up to the counter, he always gives me a little Korean quiz. I can't do or buy anything without there being unnecessary questions, worded differently each time.
"Give me two packs of Marlboro Reds please."
"Which kind?"
"Marlboro Red."
"Marlboro Red?"
"Yes."
"How many?"
"Two packs."
He knows goddamn well what brand I smoke and how many packs I buy at a time. He's just pushing the fucking limits to find out exactly how much Korean I speak, and what of my Korean is simply well-rehearsed and phonetic. He's lucky he manages to pull off a genuinely kind, teasing smile while he does this, and that it doesn't actually come across as a smirk. But he better watch his ass or we're gonna switch to English next time and find out how much attention he paid in his high school classes.
Also, the following things happened today, in a coffee shop somewhere in Myeongdong:
A girl reached for an empty chair at my table and began to ask if it was alright to take it, when I looked up at her and she saw that I was a foreigner (I dye my hair 'Korean' and wear sunglasses outside, just so I can create sneak-attack moments like this -- how dare I look like a Korean from behind?). She then literally ran away. Her friend came back a few seconds later and asked for the chair in English.
Two college guys sat at the table directly across from me and had a very loud, very slow conversation about how hard they've been studying English lately. They did this after they noticed that the book on my table was a Korean book, and what I was writing in my notebook was in Korean. Which they discussed with each other in Korean. Which I could hear and understand.
A Korean guy and an English guy came out to smoke together. The Korean guy watched me writing in my notebook over my shoulder for a few seconds, then turned back to his friend and, in English (obviously), exclaimed that that foreign girl behind him was writing very fast in Korean. I understood this, of course. Because I also speak English.
"Give me two packs of Marlboro Reds please."
"Which kind?"
"Marlboro Red."
"Marlboro Red?"
"Yes."
"How many?"
"Two packs."
He knows goddamn well what brand I smoke and how many packs I buy at a time. He's just pushing the fucking limits to find out exactly how much Korean I speak, and what of my Korean is simply well-rehearsed and phonetic. He's lucky he manages to pull off a genuinely kind, teasing smile while he does this, and that it doesn't actually come across as a smirk. But he better watch his ass or we're gonna switch to English next time and find out how much attention he paid in his high school classes.
Also, the following things happened today, in a coffee shop somewhere in Myeongdong:
A girl reached for an empty chair at my table and began to ask if it was alright to take it, when I looked up at her and she saw that I was a foreigner (I dye my hair 'Korean' and wear sunglasses outside, just so I can create sneak-attack moments like this -- how dare I look like a Korean from behind?). She then literally ran away. Her friend came back a few seconds later and asked for the chair in English.
Two college guys sat at the table directly across from me and had a very loud, very slow conversation about how hard they've been studying English lately. They did this after they noticed that the book on my table was a Korean book, and what I was writing in my notebook was in Korean. Which they discussed with each other in Korean. Which I could hear and understand.
A Korean guy and an English guy came out to smoke together. The Korean guy watched me writing in my notebook over my shoulder for a few seconds, then turned back to his friend and, in English (obviously), exclaimed that that foreign girl behind him was writing very fast in Korean. I understood this, of course. Because I also speak English.
4.23.2010
Re: The Lousy Korea blog 'tragedy'.
Okay. I'm not linking to absolutely anything in this post. Because I'm just not. If you don't know what I'm talking about, and don't care, then that's fine. You're probably better off. If you don't know what I'm talking about and do care, a bit of googling should get you quickly sorted out.
Basically, in short, there was a blog called Lousy Korea. It was an exaggeration of foreigner whining about Korea that expressed fairly brutal views of life as a foreigner in the country. It was meant to be a joke, perhaps satire, whatever.
Whatever righteous or humorous intentions the author may have had, no one can deny that the blog attracted a lot of, in my (honestly, not fucking humble at all, and also not apologetic about that) opinion, really immature "hear hear!" type response on a daily basis. From people who, perhaps, should have contemplated the depth and breadth of the world a little more sincerely before choosing to step foot outside of their little countries.
Then, Korean netizens descending upon the blog posting threats of violence and death to the author, other bloggers they suspected may be the author, and, apparently, children. Which the author felt the justification of revealing without going into specifics. Whatever. Yes. That's obviously terrible. We all know how immature and, frankly, psychotic Korean netizens can be.
Wait. What was that last sentence?
We all know how immature and, frankly, psychotic Korean netizens can be.
We all know how immature and, frankly, psychotic Korean netizens can be.
Meditate on that for a moment.
And now. Haha. Now, people are dismayed. They are shocked and appalled and disgusted. When they did something they knew was likely to cause a certain reaction, and that reaction came. They are absolutely flabbergasted. And raising the totems of freedom of speech. And harking on about how we are all outsiders here and our opinions are not welcomed.
Well. Thank you so much for fighting the good fight. I, for one, am glad to have you here taking a stand for me and making my acceptance within Korean society as an outsider so much fucking easier. Where can I send my fucking 'thank you' card? A job well done, there.
Now, I'm all for rebel rousing. I even have a rather steep inclination toward offensive humor. The Lousy Korea blog was something I was aware of, on the periphery, but didn't find particularly offensive or humorous, and mostly was happy allowing just to exist in another time and place. I'm not a netizen, Korean or otherwise, and I didn't feel the need to really engage with the thing, one way or another. I meet those foreigners who are the walking embodiment of the sentiments expressed in the blog out and about every now and then, and mostly spend the duration of the conversation I may be forced into having with them smiling and nodding, and quietly praying they make it back to their parents' basements before they completely snap and end up splashing the Korean headlines with anti-foreigner sentiments caused by some sort of psychotic killing spree.
But to now take up the bastion of freedom of speech and give condescending lectures about how Korea needs to learn how to control the way it represents its image to members of the international community, when you did such a fantastic job of representing our community here in Korea? Fuck the fuck right off. Are you kidding me with that shit?
Look. I can't do anything about the fact that you felt the need to establish a 'hilarious' blog representing 'my' (categorical -- since you've decided to categorize Korean netizens as representatives of all of Korea) perspective on the country. And normal everyday Koreans can't do anything about the idiotic portion of their society, either.
So. I guess you and the netizens can live together forever in all your internet blazes of glory, engaging in a childish tit-for-tat, each of you taking up your own stupid little self-righteous 'causes', and the rest of us will just continue to mostly ignore you.
I hope you're quite pleased with yourself. Think of the kick all of your friends will get out of this story, as you continue to bore people with it in bars back in your home country until your dying day. Congratulations. For the rest of is, it's back to life as usual. Which you haven't actually had any impact on. Thank god.
Basically, in short, there was a blog called Lousy Korea. It was an exaggeration of foreigner whining about Korea that expressed fairly brutal views of life as a foreigner in the country. It was meant to be a joke, perhaps satire, whatever.
Whatever righteous or humorous intentions the author may have had, no one can deny that the blog attracted a lot of, in my (honestly, not fucking humble at all, and also not apologetic about that) opinion, really immature "hear hear!" type response on a daily basis. From people who, perhaps, should have contemplated the depth and breadth of the world a little more sincerely before choosing to step foot outside of their little countries.
Then, Korean netizens descending upon the blog posting threats of violence and death to the author, other bloggers they suspected may be the author, and, apparently, children. Which the author felt the justification of revealing without going into specifics. Whatever. Yes. That's obviously terrible. We all know how immature and, frankly, psychotic Korean netizens can be.
Wait. What was that last sentence?
We all know how immature and, frankly, psychotic Korean netizens can be.
We all know how immature and, frankly, psychotic Korean netizens can be.
Meditate on that for a moment.
And now. Haha. Now, people are dismayed. They are shocked and appalled and disgusted. When they did something they knew was likely to cause a certain reaction, and that reaction came. They are absolutely flabbergasted. And raising the totems of freedom of speech. And harking on about how we are all outsiders here and our opinions are not welcomed.
Well. Thank you so much for fighting the good fight. I, for one, am glad to have you here taking a stand for me and making my acceptance within Korean society as an outsider so much fucking easier. Where can I send my fucking 'thank you' card? A job well done, there.
Now, I'm all for rebel rousing. I even have a rather steep inclination toward offensive humor. The Lousy Korea blog was something I was aware of, on the periphery, but didn't find particularly offensive or humorous, and mostly was happy allowing just to exist in another time and place. I'm not a netizen, Korean or otherwise, and I didn't feel the need to really engage with the thing, one way or another. I meet those foreigners who are the walking embodiment of the sentiments expressed in the blog out and about every now and then, and mostly spend the duration of the conversation I may be forced into having with them smiling and nodding, and quietly praying they make it back to their parents' basements before they completely snap and end up splashing the Korean headlines with anti-foreigner sentiments caused by some sort of psychotic killing spree.
But to now take up the bastion of freedom of speech and give condescending lectures about how Korea needs to learn how to control the way it represents its image to members of the international community, when you did such a fantastic job of representing our community here in Korea? Fuck the fuck right off. Are you kidding me with that shit?
Look. I can't do anything about the fact that you felt the need to establish a 'hilarious' blog representing 'my' (categorical -- since you've decided to categorize Korean netizens as representatives of all of Korea) perspective on the country. And normal everyday Koreans can't do anything about the idiotic portion of their society, either.
So. I guess you and the netizens can live together forever in all your internet blazes of glory, engaging in a childish tit-for-tat, each of you taking up your own stupid little self-righteous 'causes', and the rest of us will just continue to mostly ignore you.
I hope you're quite pleased with yourself. Think of the kick all of your friends will get out of this story, as you continue to bore people with it in bars back in your home country until your dying day. Congratulations. For the rest of is, it's back to life as usual. Which you haven't actually had any impact on. Thank god.
The Minwoo saga continues.
My computer in the office has been broken for two days, so I have a whole backlog of junk that I've quickly checked and failed to respond to. I'll do my best to get around to all of that tonight. In other news, my fucking computer in the office has been broken for two days. And ALL of my classes were canceled today. Result? I can now almost sing "Only You" without looking at the lyrics and I can recite four new dialogues in Korean from memory, which isn't really useful.
I saw Minwoo cry today.
Co came into lunch and announced that she's decided she's not going to give Minwoo anymore attention, but instead she will focus on her other students. I sucked a little air in through my teeth.
"What? Why?"
I told her I thought ultimately it was the right decision, but that she might want to go ahead and buckle herself in, because that was going to make for a definite worse-before-it-gets-better situation.
"You know... I don't understand. All of the really serious troublemakers never make a problem for you...."
Yeah. Well, first of all that's not true. We've just got a different definition of 'trouble maker'. For me, the trouble makers are the cocky bastards in the A classes who make snide remarks about how I can't even speak Korean. They've mostly cut the crap this year, I think because I finally have them in leveled classes, so they've seen that I am too most certainly capable of meeting them at their level -- I just wasn't willing to do it before, when it meant leaving 90% of the class behind.
Why do the 짱 crew like me? You really want to know, 샘?
Because I stroke their terribly fragile little egos. I coo at them when they change their hair or do some new god-awful thing to their ears involving needles. I tell them they have pretty eyes and compliment their "파션 스타일". I teach them ridiculous "American" handshakes, how to say, "Que pasa, ese?", and alternate it all with making a few jokes at their expense every now and then.
That, and they're a little bit afraid of me. Because I told them all that I was the 짱 at my school, and they don't really know whether I'm joking or not, because I have tattoos and my ear is gauged. Which is pretty much all it takes to be a bona fide badass in Korea.
That's it. That's the fucking code. To me, it comes as naturally as breathing. Whereas convincing those A level boys to stop insulting my intelligence right in front of my face because they're insecure about the fact that they can't actually manage to communicate with me in English all the time, even though they are supposed to be the best, is completely beyond me most of the time.
Anyway. Back to Minwoo. Just as I predicted, Minwoo ditched homeroom meeting time this afternoon, and when Co called him out on it, he responded with the achingly obvious response that she didn't need to pay any attention to him at all anymore, that she could hate him and just forget about him.
Boo freaking hoo, Minwoo. Really?
Co was furious and at her wits' end. She dropped him off in the office and asked me to watch him while she taught her seven class. As soon as the door closed behind her, Minwoo jumped up and reached for the knob.
"Um. Where do you think you're going?"
"화장실!"
I gave him a dubious look.
"화장실 가요!" He shouted it in a nasty tone and slammed out of the doorway without waiting for a response. Son. You are not angry with me. Fucking tone it down.
I tailed him down the hall to make sure he was coming back, and when he did, he slammed past me into the office and threw himself back down in the chair. I walked in slowly behind him and closed the door. "You're not angry with me, Minwoo...."
He put his head down and sulked for a while and I left him to it, dicking around at my desk with my Korean stuff, watching him out of the corner of my eye. After about ten minutes, I saw his little head pop up and start eyeballing me over the cubicle wall. I gave it another five minutes for good measure. Head down. Head back up. Head down. Head back up. Shifting in his seat.
"Minwooya...."
"Yes?" Minwoo never, ever speaks to me in English. This was interesting. I didn't change over to Korean.
"Is Mom coming to school?"
"I don't know."
"Are you going to die?"
"No. 저는.... I.... I.... 내일...."
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow.... I.... school no!"
"Tomorrow you aren't coming to school."
"Yes!"
"Well. Tomorrow nobody is coming to school. There is no school tomorrow."
"아니... I.... I ... school no!"
"Ooooh. You're never coming back to school."
"Yes!"
"Not on Monday, or on Tuesday, or on Wednesday...."
"Yes! I no coming school!"
"Oh really?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"그냥...."
"Just."
"Yes. Just.... teacher... me.... hate!"
"Oh, good god. Minwooya...."
Those fucking eyes. Burning lines straight into mine. He told me in Korean with total conviction that he's never coming to school again.
"Minwooya... if you never come back to school... do you know what?"
"What?"
"I will cry." I moved my fingers down my face to indicate tears.
"....You?!"
"Yes. Me. I will cry. Boohoohoo.... I will be so sad."
He cracked a smile in spite of himself.
"Minwooya... you know what. If you never come back to school, I will follow you."
"Follow?"
"Yes. I will be so sad. I will miss you. So I will follow you. Stalker. Teacher stalker."
"Haha! Teacher stalker?"
"Yes. Teacher stalker."
"Haha no...."
"Yes. Minwooya...."
"Yes?"
"You know what? You are like my little brother. 우리 남동생.... you.... same."
"Really?"
"Yes. Look." I grabbed my wallet out of my bag and wheeled myself over to him still sitting in my chair, which made him giggle. I showed him the photo of my brother in his navy uniform I keep in my wallet.
"Oh! Very handsome..."
"Yes he is. You too. My brother... also... 'I'm not going to school! No! I won't go to school!'"
"Really?"
"Yes. You and my brother... same."
I wheeled myself back to my desk. "Minwooya..."
"Yes?"
"Come back to school."
"No."
"Yes."
When Co came back in and started lecturing him again, he kept his eyes firmly planted on mine, which I felt a little guilty about. I don't have to discipline these boys the same way their homeroom teachers do, and I always feel a little bad about that, especially in these cases where I can't explain that I agree with the teachers, and that they have to take the consequences of their actions and stop behaving like babies. Because they're not babies anymore -- they're very nearly men. All I can really do is tell them to cheer up, and because of that, I get off easy. And they think I understand them in a way that the Korean teachers don't. Which isn't true. I understand the Korean teachers in a way that they don't, and have the luxury of being friendly to them, even when they're acting like little assholes.
As I headed for the door this afternoon, Minwoo told me goodbye in English. I turned to him and told him I would see him on Monday. He gave me a defiant look in response, but he didn't disagree. I hope to god that I do.
I saw Minwoo cry today.
Co came into lunch and announced that she's decided she's not going to give Minwoo anymore attention, but instead she will focus on her other students. I sucked a little air in through my teeth.
"What? Why?"
I told her I thought ultimately it was the right decision, but that she might want to go ahead and buckle herself in, because that was going to make for a definite worse-before-it-gets-better situation.
"You know... I don't understand. All of the really serious troublemakers never make a problem for you...."
Yeah. Well, first of all that's not true. We've just got a different definition of 'trouble maker'. For me, the trouble makers are the cocky bastards in the A classes who make snide remarks about how I can't even speak Korean. They've mostly cut the crap this year, I think because I finally have them in leveled classes, so they've seen that I am too most certainly capable of meeting them at their level -- I just wasn't willing to do it before, when it meant leaving 90% of the class behind.
Why do the 짱 crew like me? You really want to know, 샘?
Because I stroke their terribly fragile little egos. I coo at them when they change their hair or do some new god-awful thing to their ears involving needles. I tell them they have pretty eyes and compliment their "파션 스타일". I teach them ridiculous "American" handshakes, how to say, "Que pasa, ese?", and alternate it all with making a few jokes at their expense every now and then.
That, and they're a little bit afraid of me. Because I told them all that I was the 짱 at my school, and they don't really know whether I'm joking or not, because I have tattoos and my ear is gauged. Which is pretty much all it takes to be a bona fide badass in Korea.
That's it. That's the fucking code. To me, it comes as naturally as breathing. Whereas convincing those A level boys to stop insulting my intelligence right in front of my face because they're insecure about the fact that they can't actually manage to communicate with me in English all the time, even though they are supposed to be the best, is completely beyond me most of the time.
Anyway. Back to Minwoo. Just as I predicted, Minwoo ditched homeroom meeting time this afternoon, and when Co called him out on it, he responded with the achingly obvious response that she didn't need to pay any attention to him at all anymore, that she could hate him and just forget about him.
Boo freaking hoo, Minwoo. Really?
Co was furious and at her wits' end. She dropped him off in the office and asked me to watch him while she taught her seven class. As soon as the door closed behind her, Minwoo jumped up and reached for the knob.
"Um. Where do you think you're going?"
"화장실!"
I gave him a dubious look.
"화장실 가요!" He shouted it in a nasty tone and slammed out of the doorway without waiting for a response. Son. You are not angry with me. Fucking tone it down.
I tailed him down the hall to make sure he was coming back, and when he did, he slammed past me into the office and threw himself back down in the chair. I walked in slowly behind him and closed the door. "You're not angry with me, Minwoo...."
He put his head down and sulked for a while and I left him to it, dicking around at my desk with my Korean stuff, watching him out of the corner of my eye. After about ten minutes, I saw his little head pop up and start eyeballing me over the cubicle wall. I gave it another five minutes for good measure. Head down. Head back up. Head down. Head back up. Shifting in his seat.
"Minwooya...."
"Yes?" Minwoo never, ever speaks to me in English. This was interesting. I didn't change over to Korean.
"Is Mom coming to school?"
"I don't know."
"Are you going to die?"
"No. 저는.... I.... I.... 내일...."
"Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow.... I.... school no!"
"Tomorrow you aren't coming to school."
"Yes!"
"Well. Tomorrow nobody is coming to school. There is no school tomorrow."
"아니... I.... I ... school no!"
"Ooooh. You're never coming back to school."
"Yes!"
"Not on Monday, or on Tuesday, or on Wednesday...."
"Yes! I no coming school!"
"Oh really?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"그냥...."
"Just."
"Yes. Just.... teacher... me.... hate!"
"Oh, good god. Minwooya...."
Those fucking eyes. Burning lines straight into mine. He told me in Korean with total conviction that he's never coming to school again.
"Minwooya... if you never come back to school... do you know what?"
"What?"
"I will cry." I moved my fingers down my face to indicate tears.
"....You?!"
"Yes. Me. I will cry. Boohoohoo.... I will be so sad."
He cracked a smile in spite of himself.
"Minwooya... you know what. If you never come back to school, I will follow you."
"Follow?"
"Yes. I will be so sad. I will miss you. So I will follow you. Stalker. Teacher stalker."
"Haha! Teacher stalker?"
"Yes. Teacher stalker."
"Haha no...."
"Yes. Minwooya...."
"Yes?"
"You know what? You are like my little brother. 우리 남동생.... you.... same."
"Really?"
"Yes. Look." I grabbed my wallet out of my bag and wheeled myself over to him still sitting in my chair, which made him giggle. I showed him the photo of my brother in his navy uniform I keep in my wallet.
"Oh! Very handsome..."
"Yes he is. You too. My brother... also... 'I'm not going to school! No! I won't go to school!'"
"Really?"
"Yes. You and my brother... same."
I wheeled myself back to my desk. "Minwooya..."
"Yes?"
"Come back to school."
"No."
"Yes."
When Co came back in and started lecturing him again, he kept his eyes firmly planted on mine, which I felt a little guilty about. I don't have to discipline these boys the same way their homeroom teachers do, and I always feel a little bad about that, especially in these cases where I can't explain that I agree with the teachers, and that they have to take the consequences of their actions and stop behaving like babies. Because they're not babies anymore -- they're very nearly men. All I can really do is tell them to cheer up, and because of that, I get off easy. And they think I understand them in a way that the Korean teachers don't. Which isn't true. I understand the Korean teachers in a way that they don't, and have the luxury of being friendly to them, even when they're acting like little assholes.
As I headed for the door this afternoon, Minwoo told me goodbye in English. I turned to him and told him I would see him on Monday. He gave me a defiant look in response, but he didn't disagree. I hope to god that I do.
4.22.2010
Enola/Alone: How to cope as a recluse in Korean society.
Hey! Longtime reader first time questioner here. I know you're from the Midwest and you know how we like our alone time. How do you go about getting that precious solitude in such a massively social culture without being offensive?
Hey yourself! I'm not actually from the Midwest. I'm a Texan, and I guess we are meant to be quite sociable. I'm not really sure. All I know is that I am most definitely a grade A fucking recluse, even by American standards, with all kinds of deeply rooted psychological issues surrounding "MY FUCKING PRIVACY". So, regional classification aside, I do feel quite well-equipped to take this one.
Buddy, it's intense. Whatever you people do, do not allow whoever it is you're working for to wrangle you into sharing your living space with absolutely anyone else, because you're going to need it all to yourself. People are going to be minding your business in every which way possible, especially anything pertaining to your eating habits or your physical appearance. You'll get all kinds of dumbfounding questions along the lines of, who are you eating dinner with tonight? When did you last have a boyfriend? What was that text message you just got on your phone?
I am not a 'question' person. I am so not a question person that my mother actually apologizes after asking me more than three in a row on the phone ("How are you doing?"/"How is work going?"/"What did you do last night?") for fear that one of my infamous "STOP FUCKING ASKING ME FUCKING IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS" blowups is in the post.
Incidentally, as a side note, I just learned quite a useful phrase in Korean, especially with the students: 남이야 (nam-ee-ya). It literally means "other person", and is akin to saying, 'none of your business'. So pack that one away in the arsenal, just in case.
But the point is, "남이야!" is not an appropriate thing to say to your co-workers, right? Well. There are a few techniques I've developed for (somewhat) coping with the beehive quality of life here in the ROK.
1. Lying. Also known as, saving face.
This entry gets into this more in depth, and how it's not lying, exactly. It is lying to us, but that's beside the point, because you're not dealing with us. In Korean culture, it's socially acceptable to come out with a bit of a 'truth generosity' when you're not particularly inclined to engage in one or another social activity. In fact, it's considered good social graces. Being a foreigner in this situation is immensely helpful. I've had all kinds of imaginary foreign friends who have needed help with all kinds of imaginary foreign problems that absolutely cannot wait (since we don't have the ability to fall back on the tried-and-true Korean excuse of, 'my mother is sick'). It's nothing to feel guilty over -- it's just the way that things are done.
The biggest thing I've been having trouble with lately, for example, is people wanting to drive me all over god's green earth. And that's just... no. I like public transportation. I like walking. I like putting on my headphones and having an hour or so to decompress, people watch, and just let my thoughts wander. I need that time to unwind in between whatever other engagements I have throughout the day. I do not fancy spending those precious breaks in the car with someone awkwardly trying to make small talk in a language they don't really like speaking. Furthermore, I'm not a child. And that's exactly what being driven everywhere makes me feel like. Waiting for someone else to pick me up. Having them in control of when I arrive at my next engagement. Not being able to stop into a shop along the way, or grab a cup of coffee, or (and here's the big one) duck into a back alley and suck down a goddamn cigarette while I'm busy dashing from here to there. As kind as the offers are, I don't like being carted around and watched over all the time.
So I absolutely always have to go to the store first. Or pay a bill. Or change my clothes. Or meet a friend for dinner in between. So on and so forth.
2. Taking a cue from the students. Aka, The Bartleby.
Have you ever read Bartleby, the Scrivener? Welcome to Korea. You are now Bartleby. You would prefer not to.
One thing I've always been in awe of is my students' ability to stand in the office and be berated for half an hour straight and just let every last word roll right off their ever-broadening little backs. And also their ability, when confronted with a direct question that requires a response, to come out with something completely deadening to any further elaboration.
Learn the art of "smiling and nodding" and also the art of giving vague, conversation-ending answers to questions. "네.... 네....네...." is going to be perhaps the most useful Korean you can ever learn to speak. And it doesn't have to mean, "yes I'm listening and I'm going to do exactly what you're suggesting right this very minute". It can just mean, "yes I'm acknowledging the fact that you're speaking to a point that makes you feel sufficiently justified in having used up the oxygen it took to do so, and I'm not going to directly defy your suggestions right to your face". That's often good enough. Choose your battles. Don't engage in debate, unless with close friends and co-workers. And don't allow someone to bait you into having conversations you don't wish to have (this is a really good recent example of this).
It takes a little time to get it down, but passive aggression is generally the way to go. Smile, nod, disregard. Smile, nod, disregard....
3. Don't answer.
Just don't answer it. Don't answer the door. Don't answer the phone. They're not going to ask you about it later -- it goes against the rules of saving face.
I don't get it. I really don't. One of the things that will make me irrationally flip my shit the quickest is someone calling me over and over and over when I'm not answering. This is not the fucking olden days. I will see that I missed a call from you when I see that I missed a call from you, and I will call you back when I feel that it's appropriate for me to do so.
Koreans tend to be so fucking bad about this. It borders on insanity, in my opinion. 25 missed calls between 4:32 and 4:46? Really? Was that necessary? Also, my apartment is a fucking shoebox. If I didn't hear you screaming, ringing the bell and banging on the door the first five minutes, I'm not likely to hear it for the next five either. Or I'm clearly choosing to ignore it. What does that mean? It means you should fucking fuck off now.
It doesn't mean anything. There's nothing crucial going on that you need to know about right now. And they're not going to call you out on it later. Just ignore it and it will go away.
4. Have a set day/night every week that is your waegookin friend special meeting time.
Oh, I'd love to come to all thirteen of your family members' weddings on Saturday, but Saturdays are my knitting-while-speaking-Lebanese-Arabic meetings. Haven't you heard? I can never do anything on Saturday afternoon, because I'm the knitting-while-speaking-Lebanese-Arabic team captain. They depend on me to be there. Every Saturday from six am until sunset.
Tuesday night hwaeshik? Tuesdays are the day that all foreigners meet in Sinchon to practice eating spicy food and using chopsticks, though. It's of intrinsic value to my acclimation into Korean society that I attend.
Choose one day that's just off limits, no matter what. Word will spread (as it always does), and, no matter what invitations get passed around that week, you'll know you have at least one day to go home, put the chain lock on your door and just bask in the silence (minus the fruit trucks). Knowing you have that one day coming will make everything else endlessly easier to endure. Me, I need like three of these. But that's up to your own personal discretion.
5. Seriously, though. Take a day off.
I've found it so much easier to participate in all of the random social nonsense that goes down in my work place since I've stopped feeling the need to go out and run around every single weekend night. If I stay in on Friday or Saturday night (or both), I don't feel so fucking exhausted when the week hits, and I don't feel like I'm living one year-long week anymore.
My tolerance for social activity is a lot like a bank account -- I can only withdraw so much before I'm in the red. If I use up all of my social nonsense tolerance on the weekends, I have a lot less patience for it during the week at work. Taking at least one day off during the weekend helps with this a lot.
Of course you're not in the fucking mood to sit around and listen to everyone babble in Korean over coffee for three hours after work today. You spent the entire weekend sitting around and listening to everyone babble in English over beer. And then you spent all day listening to your students babble in god-only-knows-what. You can only take so much of that before you fucking snap. Give yourself some time off. The whole social world on the entire penisula is not going to march on and leave behind sad and lonely. They'll be there next weekend, largely doing exactly what they were doing last weekend. You're not going to miss anything crucial. Place an order with What the Book?, turn off your phone and just fucking take it easy every now and then.
Hey yourself! I'm not actually from the Midwest. I'm a Texan, and I guess we are meant to be quite sociable. I'm not really sure. All I know is that I am most definitely a grade A fucking recluse, even by American standards, with all kinds of deeply rooted psychological issues surrounding "MY FUCKING PRIVACY". So, regional classification aside, I do feel quite well-equipped to take this one.
Buddy, it's intense. Whatever you people do, do not allow whoever it is you're working for to wrangle you into sharing your living space with absolutely anyone else, because you're going to need it all to yourself. People are going to be minding your business in every which way possible, especially anything pertaining to your eating habits or your physical appearance. You'll get all kinds of dumbfounding questions along the lines of, who are you eating dinner with tonight? When did you last have a boyfriend? What was that text message you just got on your phone?
I am not a 'question' person. I am so not a question person that my mother actually apologizes after asking me more than three in a row on the phone ("How are you doing?"/"How is work going?"/"What did you do last night?") for fear that one of my infamous "STOP FUCKING ASKING ME FUCKING IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS" blowups is in the post.
Incidentally, as a side note, I just learned quite a useful phrase in Korean, especially with the students: 남이야 (nam-ee-ya). It literally means "other person", and is akin to saying, 'none of your business'. So pack that one away in the arsenal, just in case.
But the point is, "남이야!" is not an appropriate thing to say to your co-workers, right? Well. There are a few techniques I've developed for (somewhat) coping with the beehive quality of life here in the ROK.
1. Lying. Also known as, saving face.
This entry gets into this more in depth, and how it's not lying, exactly. It is lying to us, but that's beside the point, because you're not dealing with us. In Korean culture, it's socially acceptable to come out with a bit of a 'truth generosity' when you're not particularly inclined to engage in one or another social activity. In fact, it's considered good social graces. Being a foreigner in this situation is immensely helpful. I've had all kinds of imaginary foreign friends who have needed help with all kinds of imaginary foreign problems that absolutely cannot wait (since we don't have the ability to fall back on the tried-and-true Korean excuse of, 'my mother is sick'). It's nothing to feel guilty over -- it's just the way that things are done.
The biggest thing I've been having trouble with lately, for example, is people wanting to drive me all over god's green earth. And that's just... no. I like public transportation. I like walking. I like putting on my headphones and having an hour or so to decompress, people watch, and just let my thoughts wander. I need that time to unwind in between whatever other engagements I have throughout the day. I do not fancy spending those precious breaks in the car with someone awkwardly trying to make small talk in a language they don't really like speaking. Furthermore, I'm not a child. And that's exactly what being driven everywhere makes me feel like. Waiting for someone else to pick me up. Having them in control of when I arrive at my next engagement. Not being able to stop into a shop along the way, or grab a cup of coffee, or (and here's the big one) duck into a back alley and suck down a goddamn cigarette while I'm busy dashing from here to there. As kind as the offers are, I don't like being carted around and watched over all the time.
So I absolutely always have to go to the store first. Or pay a bill. Or change my clothes. Or meet a friend for dinner in between. So on and so forth.
2. Taking a cue from the students. Aka, The Bartleby.
Have you ever read Bartleby, the Scrivener? Welcome to Korea. You are now Bartleby. You would prefer not to.
One thing I've always been in awe of is my students' ability to stand in the office and be berated for half an hour straight and just let every last word roll right off their ever-broadening little backs. And also their ability, when confronted with a direct question that requires a response, to come out with something completely deadening to any further elaboration.
Learn the art of "smiling and nodding" and also the art of giving vague, conversation-ending answers to questions. "네.... 네....네...." is going to be perhaps the most useful Korean you can ever learn to speak. And it doesn't have to mean, "yes I'm listening and I'm going to do exactly what you're suggesting right this very minute". It can just mean, "yes I'm acknowledging the fact that you're speaking to a point that makes you feel sufficiently justified in having used up the oxygen it took to do so, and I'm not going to directly defy your suggestions right to your face". That's often good enough. Choose your battles. Don't engage in debate, unless with close friends and co-workers. And don't allow someone to bait you into having conversations you don't wish to have (this is a really good recent example of this).
It takes a little time to get it down, but passive aggression is generally the way to go. Smile, nod, disregard. Smile, nod, disregard....
3. Don't answer.
Just don't answer it. Don't answer the door. Don't answer the phone. They're not going to ask you about it later -- it goes against the rules of saving face.
I don't get it. I really don't. One of the things that will make me irrationally flip my shit the quickest is someone calling me over and over and over when I'm not answering. This is not the fucking olden days. I will see that I missed a call from you when I see that I missed a call from you, and I will call you back when I feel that it's appropriate for me to do so.
Koreans tend to be so fucking bad about this. It borders on insanity, in my opinion. 25 missed calls between 4:32 and 4:46? Really? Was that necessary? Also, my apartment is a fucking shoebox. If I didn't hear you screaming, ringing the bell and banging on the door the first five minutes, I'm not likely to hear it for the next five either. Or I'm clearly choosing to ignore it. What does that mean? It means you should fucking fuck off now.
It doesn't mean anything. There's nothing crucial going on that you need to know about right now. And they're not going to call you out on it later. Just ignore it and it will go away.
4. Have a set day/night every week that is your waegookin friend special meeting time.
Oh, I'd love to come to all thirteen of your family members' weddings on Saturday, but Saturdays are my knitting-while-speaking-Lebanese-Arabic meetings. Haven't you heard? I can never do anything on Saturday afternoon, because I'm the knitting-while-speaking-Lebanese-Arabic team captain. They depend on me to be there. Every Saturday from six am until sunset.
Tuesday night hwaeshik? Tuesdays are the day that all foreigners meet in Sinchon to practice eating spicy food and using chopsticks, though. It's of intrinsic value to my acclimation into Korean society that I attend.
Choose one day that's just off limits, no matter what. Word will spread (as it always does), and, no matter what invitations get passed around that week, you'll know you have at least one day to go home, put the chain lock on your door and just bask in the silence (minus the fruit trucks). Knowing you have that one day coming will make everything else endlessly easier to endure. Me, I need like three of these. But that's up to your own personal discretion.
5. Seriously, though. Take a day off.
I've found it so much easier to participate in all of the random social nonsense that goes down in my work place since I've stopped feeling the need to go out and run around every single weekend night. If I stay in on Friday or Saturday night (or both), I don't feel so fucking exhausted when the week hits, and I don't feel like I'm living one year-long week anymore.
My tolerance for social activity is a lot like a bank account -- I can only withdraw so much before I'm in the red. If I use up all of my social nonsense tolerance on the weekends, I have a lot less patience for it during the week at work. Taking at least one day off during the weekend helps with this a lot.
Of course you're not in the fucking mood to sit around and listen to everyone babble in Korean over coffee for three hours after work today. You spent the entire weekend sitting around and listening to everyone babble in English over beer. And then you spent all day listening to your students babble in god-only-knows-what. You can only take so much of that before you fucking snap. Give yourself some time off. The whole social world on the entire penisula is not going to march on and leave behind sad and lonely. They'll be there next weekend, largely doing exactly what they were doing last weekend. You're not going to miss anything crucial. Place an order with What the Book?, turn off your phone and just fucking take it easy every now and then.
기분, moods and Minwoo.
To quote one of my favorite circa 2000 awful teen movies, "the shit hath hitteth the fanneth". Meaning, shit has come to a head with the private school teacher. Meaning, my main co has had e-fucking-nough. And I am caught sweetly right in the damn middle of it all.
Why? Well. First of all, because I'm the only one who has seen the private school teacher with the students, and my co is relying on my observation of things to assess an all-out war that has broken out between her and the students. And secondly, because of my closer relationship with Minwoo, who just so happens to be leading on the front lines of said war.
I mentioned before briefly that the private school teacher has a habit of complaining ceaselessly about Co's homeroom class (the class Minwoo is in), and how I've been confused by that all along, because those students never give me an ounce of trouble. Co started complaining to me in private last week about the private school teacher's nagging, and I did my best to just keep my fucking mouth shut and stay neutral. Even if I think someone is completely in the wrong on something, I've learned the hard way in life thus far that it's usually best, in these situations, to allow other people to come to their own conclusions. If you open your mouth too wide too soon, even if you know exactly what you're talking about (which you rarely do, exactly), you just end up in the midst of a world of he said/she said nonsense. I'm doubly dutiful about watching my rapid-fire mouth in work situations. Because I just don't dig being dans la merde at work.
I answered only that, I could not speak for the private school teacher's classes with these students when I am not there, obviously, but in my classes, her students did not cause any problems. Even Minwoo. In fact, you could say, especially Minwoo. Minwoo is part of the 짱's crew (quite high ranking) and nobody, among the other students, has the balls to stand up to him. In my class, Minwoo sits right up front and center -- directly in front of where I stand and speak. And if the other students start to mutter behind him, he turns and quickly sets them straight. I didn't mention this to Co. I said only that I had not had any problems with her class, including Minwoo.
She quickly responded that she thinks students misbehave when they don't like a teacher. I paused for a long time and responded that, obviously there is some truth to that, but there can be many reasons why students don't like a teacher, some more valid than others.
Today Co was extremely late to lunch. When she sat down, she made quick intense eye contact with me before launching into a rant in English. The private school teacher was seated directly to my right. Looking me (and me only) dead in the eye, Co started in:
"I'm late for lunch today because I had to have a talk with some of my students. You know, they have been making trouble during English class, so I had to talk to them and punish them. But they said that the reason why they misbehave in that class is because the Korean teacher uses bad language to them and hits them. So now I don't know what to do. Because if they are misbehaving, then I need to punish them. So what do you think about my class? Do you have any problems with them?"
I smiled into my soh-galbi-tang. Christ. Here we go. She's calling me up to the plate, huh?
"No. I've told you before, I never have any problems from your students."
"What about Minwoo? He is a known troublemaker, you know? It would not be surprising to hear that he makes problems in your class...."
"No. I've never had a single problem out of Minwoo. Ever. In my class, he corrects the other students."
The private school teacher jumped in: "The students will make any excuses! They have bad behavior and then they will make any excuse for that! Minwoo is disrespectful student!"
Co, still looking at me: "But you say that Minwoo is respectful in your class?"
"Minwoo has never been disrespectful to me. Not from the time he was a first grader."
PST: "Minwoo is close to you! Minwoo likes you!"
Co: "Does Minwoo participate in your class?"
Me: "Yes. Minwoo sits right up front in my class and always participates."
Co: "Minwoo must find your class interesting. Today he told me that he hates English. He said it ten times. Just, 'I hate English.' But even though his level is quite low, and he hates English, he participates in your class?"
Me: "Yes. He does."
Co: "You know, this is causing some problems between me and my homeroom students. Because they don't like if I do not trust them. Today, Minwoo and I had a fight, because he took too much food, and I made him put it back. And now he is not eating at all. His mood has been quite bad all day. When Minwoo has a problem, his whole mood goes bad. And then he causes many other problems. He is quite good at influencing other students. So if there is a problem with Minwoo, then my job is very hard. And now there is a problem with Minwoo."
I looked down at my plate.
PST: "He is just making excuses! He is very close with her, so he does not cause problems for her! He causes many problems in my class! I cannot teach with him there. Can't you move him out of my class?"
Co: "I know teaching C level students is not easy. But we are teachers. We must work with all students, not just good students...."
PST: "But the C level students are very lazy! And they cause any problems they can. I cannot teach with them making problems."
Wow. Talk about 나쁜 기분. They sat there and steamed at each other across the table for a few moments.
Me: "I know teaching C level students is a very hard job. I teach all levels, so I know how different it is. But I think.... I just think that saying that all C level students are bad students is not right. There are bad students in A level classes, too. It's just that C level students are different. They are a different kind of student. They don't learn the same as the other students. They can be really hard to teach because of that, but I think it can be done."
PST: "But how can you teach when material is too high and they have no interest in listening to the teacher?! They do not care about anything!"
Me: "I know it's hard. They are middle school boys. Of coure, they don't care about learning English. And I know their level is low and it's hard for them to understand. Trust me, I know. I can only speak to them in English. I have no choice but to make them understand me in English. But I think you can do it. They can't sit and listen to the teacher for a long time. That's not their nature. My A level students can sit and listen to a lecture for a half a class -- they have the patience. That's their style. But C level students need to be active. They need to spend most of the time doing something where they can move and talk. That's how they are. They are never going to be able to sit still and listen for 45 minutes. You can't fight that. They just can't do it. It's not their nature. It doesn't mean that they're bad -- it's just not how they are."
Co (bizarelly, still in English): "I heard you are only on chapter 2 in the books? The homeroom teachers are very worried, because the exams are in less than two weeks but the students have not studied the material...."
PST: "How can I cover all the material when the students are having bad behavior all the time!? I cannot finish the material when I spend the whole class trying to control! Always, there are students making problems and I cannot teach!"
This went on for quite a while. It's the first truly heated conversation I've observed between teachers at my work. Generally, this kind of direct confrontation is just not done. And I know it may not seem direct, but believe you me, in Korea, this is very fucking direct. And very confrontational. Eventually, the private school teacher ran off saying she had to speak to the principal. Co talked to me for a long time in the office afterward. I came clean about my feelings on the situation, albeit quite modestly and quite carefully, and said that I particularly hoped that Minwoo and Co's relationship was not harmed by it, because, as far as I can see, Minwoo is trying hard to keep his act together.
She said, "Minwoo is.... Minwoo.... his nature is..."
"Pride." I finished for her. "Minwoo has pride. And he doesn't like being cussed at and hit because it hurts his pride. And then he feels like he has to make up for it by causing problems with the other students."
"Exactly!"
"I know that. I knew that the first time I ever saw Minwoo. You can't let Minwoo think you are being unfair to him, or you hurt his pride, and then it all just goes.... wrong."
"That's right. And I can't understand how you can teach the students in English and... and..."
"They are hard students. And it would be really hard to only ever teach them. I'm lucky because they like me. Because the truth is, my brother was a lot like Minwoo when he was in school. So I understand Minwoo and I understand the other students like Minwoo. So teaching the C level students is not that hard for me. I've had more trouble with the A level students, honestly. But it is a hard job."
After school, the private school teacher and I were left alone in the office together.
"You know... I have a lot of stress these days because of the students.... I don't know what to do... why do the students like you?"
I stopped what I was doing and leaned over the cubicle wall. "Look... don't let the students get you down. They are hard students to understand. Just.... I don't know. The only thing I know is that they are not like the other students. But they are not bad. They just have.... moods."
"Moods?"
"Yeah. They have moods. You have to learn how to read the mood when you walk into the classroom. Some days, they will have a crazy mood and that day, no matter what you have planned, you have to find a way to let them work in groups and talk and play a little bit. Some days, they'll be in a tired, awful mood. And on those days, you can't expect too much. You have to do something quite simple that doesn't require too much participation, or else they will just sit there. Sometimes I have to change my plan when I walk into the room and the mood is not right. It's like .... well, it's like animals, right?"
"Animals?"
"Yeah. It's exactly like training animals. You can't reason with an animal. You have to follow the animal's mood. You can't explain to an animal why it should do something. You have to find a way to make the animal want to do something."
"Haha! Teaching C students is like teaching animals!"
Well. That's not exactly the point I was getting at. But it seemed to make her feel better, for the moment.
I caught Minwoo down in the hall, chatting with another of the 짱 crew, another student I've been close with since he was in first grade, this one an A level student. I took advantage of the opportunity for translation.
"Minwooya... are you in a bad mood today?"
The a level student translated, but missed it a bit -- he translated it as the Korean 기분, which has a slightly different connotation. 기분 is a kind of collective experience. It does mean mood, but it also means something akin to "atmosphere". Minwoo answered that the 기분 was really bad, that his homeroom teacher was angry with him.
"No. I don't mean everyone's 기분. I mean Minwoo's feeling. 민우의 기분이 어때요?"
Ah! They got my meaning. Not good, Minwoo answered. His mood is not good.
"Minooya.... cheer up!"
A level student, sounding for all intents and purposes like a drill sergeant in the army: "힘내!"
Minwoo: "예 선생님!"
After all the classes had ended, and the private school teacher had gone home, Co caught me in the office. "Do you know what is very strange?"
"I could give you a list, today..."
"Minwoo.... suddenly. After all that trouble at lunch time, again he is smiling at me. I cannot understand. He is all ups and downs!"
I smiled. "Good. I'm very happy to hear that."
Why? Well. First of all, because I'm the only one who has seen the private school teacher with the students, and my co is relying on my observation of things to assess an all-out war that has broken out between her and the students. And secondly, because of my closer relationship with Minwoo, who just so happens to be leading on the front lines of said war.
I mentioned before briefly that the private school teacher has a habit of complaining ceaselessly about Co's homeroom class (the class Minwoo is in), and how I've been confused by that all along, because those students never give me an ounce of trouble. Co started complaining to me in private last week about the private school teacher's nagging, and I did my best to just keep my fucking mouth shut and stay neutral. Even if I think someone is completely in the wrong on something, I've learned the hard way in life thus far that it's usually best, in these situations, to allow other people to come to their own conclusions. If you open your mouth too wide too soon, even if you know exactly what you're talking about (which you rarely do, exactly), you just end up in the midst of a world of he said/she said nonsense. I'm doubly dutiful about watching my rapid-fire mouth in work situations. Because I just don't dig being dans la merde at work.
I answered only that, I could not speak for the private school teacher's classes with these students when I am not there, obviously, but in my classes, her students did not cause any problems. Even Minwoo. In fact, you could say, especially Minwoo. Minwoo is part of the 짱's crew (quite high ranking) and nobody, among the other students, has the balls to stand up to him. In my class, Minwoo sits right up front and center -- directly in front of where I stand and speak. And if the other students start to mutter behind him, he turns and quickly sets them straight. I didn't mention this to Co. I said only that I had not had any problems with her class, including Minwoo.
She quickly responded that she thinks students misbehave when they don't like a teacher. I paused for a long time and responded that, obviously there is some truth to that, but there can be many reasons why students don't like a teacher, some more valid than others.
Today Co was extremely late to lunch. When she sat down, she made quick intense eye contact with me before launching into a rant in English. The private school teacher was seated directly to my right. Looking me (and me only) dead in the eye, Co started in:
"I'm late for lunch today because I had to have a talk with some of my students. You know, they have been making trouble during English class, so I had to talk to them and punish them. But they said that the reason why they misbehave in that class is because the Korean teacher uses bad language to them and hits them. So now I don't know what to do. Because if they are misbehaving, then I need to punish them. So what do you think about my class? Do you have any problems with them?"
I smiled into my soh-galbi-tang. Christ. Here we go. She's calling me up to the plate, huh?
"No. I've told you before, I never have any problems from your students."
"What about Minwoo? He is a known troublemaker, you know? It would not be surprising to hear that he makes problems in your class...."
"No. I've never had a single problem out of Minwoo. Ever. In my class, he corrects the other students."
The private school teacher jumped in: "The students will make any excuses! They have bad behavior and then they will make any excuse for that! Minwoo is disrespectful student!"
Co, still looking at me: "But you say that Minwoo is respectful in your class?"
"Minwoo has never been disrespectful to me. Not from the time he was a first grader."
PST: "Minwoo is close to you! Minwoo likes you!"
Co: "Does Minwoo participate in your class?"
Me: "Yes. Minwoo sits right up front in my class and always participates."
Co: "Minwoo must find your class interesting. Today he told me that he hates English. He said it ten times. Just, 'I hate English.' But even though his level is quite low, and he hates English, he participates in your class?"
Me: "Yes. He does."
Co: "You know, this is causing some problems between me and my homeroom students. Because they don't like if I do not trust them. Today, Minwoo and I had a fight, because he took too much food, and I made him put it back. And now he is not eating at all. His mood has been quite bad all day. When Minwoo has a problem, his whole mood goes bad. And then he causes many other problems. He is quite good at influencing other students. So if there is a problem with Minwoo, then my job is very hard. And now there is a problem with Minwoo."
I looked down at my plate.
PST: "He is just making excuses! He is very close with her, so he does not cause problems for her! He causes many problems in my class! I cannot teach with him there. Can't you move him out of my class?"
Co: "I know teaching C level students is not easy. But we are teachers. We must work with all students, not just good students...."
PST: "But the C level students are very lazy! And they cause any problems they can. I cannot teach with them making problems."
Wow. Talk about 나쁜 기분. They sat there and steamed at each other across the table for a few moments.
Me: "I know teaching C level students is a very hard job. I teach all levels, so I know how different it is. But I think.... I just think that saying that all C level students are bad students is not right. There are bad students in A level classes, too. It's just that C level students are different. They are a different kind of student. They don't learn the same as the other students. They can be really hard to teach because of that, but I think it can be done."
PST: "But how can you teach when material is too high and they have no interest in listening to the teacher?! They do not care about anything!"
Me: "I know it's hard. They are middle school boys. Of coure, they don't care about learning English. And I know their level is low and it's hard for them to understand. Trust me, I know. I can only speak to them in English. I have no choice but to make them understand me in English. But I think you can do it. They can't sit and listen to the teacher for a long time. That's not their nature. My A level students can sit and listen to a lecture for a half a class -- they have the patience. That's their style. But C level students need to be active. They need to spend most of the time doing something where they can move and talk. That's how they are. They are never going to be able to sit still and listen for 45 minutes. You can't fight that. They just can't do it. It's not their nature. It doesn't mean that they're bad -- it's just not how they are."
Co (bizarelly, still in English): "I heard you are only on chapter 2 in the books? The homeroom teachers are very worried, because the exams are in less than two weeks but the students have not studied the material...."
PST: "How can I cover all the material when the students are having bad behavior all the time!? I cannot finish the material when I spend the whole class trying to control! Always, there are students making problems and I cannot teach!"
This went on for quite a while. It's the first truly heated conversation I've observed between teachers at my work. Generally, this kind of direct confrontation is just not done. And I know it may not seem direct, but believe you me, in Korea, this is very fucking direct. And very confrontational. Eventually, the private school teacher ran off saying she had to speak to the principal. Co talked to me for a long time in the office afterward. I came clean about my feelings on the situation, albeit quite modestly and quite carefully, and said that I particularly hoped that Minwoo and Co's relationship was not harmed by it, because, as far as I can see, Minwoo is trying hard to keep his act together.
She said, "Minwoo is.... Minwoo.... his nature is..."
"Pride." I finished for her. "Minwoo has pride. And he doesn't like being cussed at and hit because it hurts his pride. And then he feels like he has to make up for it by causing problems with the other students."
"Exactly!"
"I know that. I knew that the first time I ever saw Minwoo. You can't let Minwoo think you are being unfair to him, or you hurt his pride, and then it all just goes.... wrong."
"That's right. And I can't understand how you can teach the students in English and... and..."
"They are hard students. And it would be really hard to only ever teach them. I'm lucky because they like me. Because the truth is, my brother was a lot like Minwoo when he was in school. So I understand Minwoo and I understand the other students like Minwoo. So teaching the C level students is not that hard for me. I've had more trouble with the A level students, honestly. But it is a hard job."
After school, the private school teacher and I were left alone in the office together.
"You know... I have a lot of stress these days because of the students.... I don't know what to do... why do the students like you?"
I stopped what I was doing and leaned over the cubicle wall. "Look... don't let the students get you down. They are hard students to understand. Just.... I don't know. The only thing I know is that they are not like the other students. But they are not bad. They just have.... moods."
"Moods?"
"Yeah. They have moods. You have to learn how to read the mood when you walk into the classroom. Some days, they will have a crazy mood and that day, no matter what you have planned, you have to find a way to let them work in groups and talk and play a little bit. Some days, they'll be in a tired, awful mood. And on those days, you can't expect too much. You have to do something quite simple that doesn't require too much participation, or else they will just sit there. Sometimes I have to change my plan when I walk into the room and the mood is not right. It's like .... well, it's like animals, right?"
"Animals?"
"Yeah. It's exactly like training animals. You can't reason with an animal. You have to follow the animal's mood. You can't explain to an animal why it should do something. You have to find a way to make the animal want to do something."
"Haha! Teaching C students is like teaching animals!"
Well. That's not exactly the point I was getting at. But it seemed to make her feel better, for the moment.
I caught Minwoo down in the hall, chatting with another of the 짱 crew, another student I've been close with since he was in first grade, this one an A level student. I took advantage of the opportunity for translation.
"Minwooya... are you in a bad mood today?"
The a level student translated, but missed it a bit -- he translated it as the Korean 기분, which has a slightly different connotation. 기분 is a kind of collective experience. It does mean mood, but it also means something akin to "atmosphere". Minwoo answered that the 기분 was really bad, that his homeroom teacher was angry with him.
"No. I don't mean everyone's 기분. I mean Minwoo's feeling. 민우의 기분이 어때요?"
Ah! They got my meaning. Not good, Minwoo answered. His mood is not good.
"Minooya.... cheer up!"
A level student, sounding for all intents and purposes like a drill sergeant in the army: "힘내!"
Minwoo: "예 선생님!"
After all the classes had ended, and the private school teacher had gone home, Co caught me in the office. "Do you know what is very strange?"
"I could give you a list, today..."
"Minwoo.... suddenly. After all that trouble at lunch time, again he is smiling at me. I cannot understand. He is all ups and downs!"
I smiled. "Good. I'm very happy to hear that."
4.21.2010
Sharing.
One thing I haven’t ever really gotten used to is the boys changing in and out of their uniforms from their gym clothes in the classroom. God help you if you walk in two minutes before the bell after PE class. I forgot myself this afternoon and got an eyeful of 팬티. Now, as to why they feel the need to be climbing all over the damn desks (and each other) in their underwear….
Waiting outside. “Can I come in yet?”
“NOOOOOOO TEACHER! NAAAAAKEEEEEED!”
“Well why are you over here talking to me then? Stop fooling around and put your pants on!”
“TEACHER SMELL! OH! SMELL!”
Yes, my little cherubs. I’m aware that there is a smell. I have a nose. And the scent of 40 teenage boys shaking out dirty sweaty gym clothes in one tiny classroom is not exactly subtle. But thank you for sharing with me. Yet again.
4.20.2010
Model airplanes and secret boyfriends.
Remember that Model Airplane Day thing I mentioned? No? Well, I did...
Anyway. Yeah. That was today. Which means I got to spend a couple of hours out of the classroom, talking to the boys while not also having to ride their asses constantly to stop their tomfoolery and get back to work on their assignments. Which I only ever halfway mean, at any given time. Except on the really, really bad days. Which are seldom.
I took up post on the stone steps in front of the playground to watch the madness ensue. 700 bottle rockets and 500 model airplanes. Grubby, dusty, wet uniforms everywhere. The smell of wet-dog adolescent sweat. The stuff dreams are made of, really. I became the designated handyman, as this student or that somehow managed to royally fuck up their projects before launch time and, one after another observing me fix the one before, began to line up for me to sort it all out.
So I'm sitting there minding my own business, when I hear, "WHERE ARE YOU FROOOOOOM?" coming from somewhere above and behind. Cue a 20 minute shouted conversation with the curious first graders, who I haven't taught yet. They're a bunch of perverts. Perverts with shockingly good English, for our school's population. You're four feet tall, though. Stop asking me for a date. Also, don't scream, "HEY!" at a teacher. Do you scream, "YA!" at a teacher? No? Then don't do it to me. That's what you sound like. Horrible manners. "..... Excuse me?" Yeah okay. I'll take that.
Boy, do they ever have another thing coming once I get their little asses in my classroom.
I've gotten too used to my older boys, who have gotten too used to me. They would never dare to speak to me like that (anymore). To them, I'm a teacher. Not an oddity to be gawked at. They come over casually to chat about whatever, but they've completely lost that element of "oh my god I'm speaking English this is fucking hilarious!" that the new boys still have. Which I guess is a really good sign. Hopefully they won't do that to other foreigners they encounter later in life, either, having realized that, for some people, English is a language and just the way they communicate, and not a really funny party trick. And that other foreigners, like their weoneomin, are just other people. Sometimes I really do feel like we're doing foreigners-are-people-too manners training just as much as, if not more than, teaching English.
Today I taught my second graders with MJ, and they were brilliant. They always are when I haven't had them for a while. I got a standing ovation when I walked into one class, students climbing on top of desks with arms over their heads. Jesus, guys. Has English class gotten to be that fucking boring? Sit down. Stop acting like animals. Open your books to page... oh yes. Stop groaning. This is still class time after all. You know that. Don't act surprised.
After class, MJ and I bumped heads as he reached to unplug my mouse and usb drive at the same time as I did. "You seem to be more energetic than usual today."
"Do I? Well. I'm trying hard."
"You don't seem sick."
"I'm trying not to be."
"Did you eat something yesterday?"
"Yes. I had some juk. Two whole bowls."
"Hobak?"
"No. Just some vegetables...."
Everyone seemed very curious about how I got this juk today. I bought it for myself, you nosey gits. There's no secret juk-wielding boyfriend hiding in the wings. Although after hearing a phone conversation between me and Smalltown in the office last week, Seokhee is convinced there is. The conversation, from what he heard, went like this:
"Heeeello......no..... I don't know, synonym?...... what?.... what the h-.... what are you on about?..... is this another one of your jokes or riddles or something?.................oh ............... You're strange, you know that? ....... Yeah. Yeah okay just -- ...... well, just send it to me in an email...... okay...... okay I will.... I don't know! I'm going to.... just email me!....... no, I'm trying to walk out the door now, I'm not trying to-- ...... yes, I'll be home in like thirty minutes. I'll call you back then if you really --....... well, fine I'll email you. Okay. Bye..... Bye..... BYE."
Seokhee didn't give me half a chance to explain that I got confused, because Smalltown had been asking me what the opposite of opposite was, and then was trying to tell me that it was "apposite", because he found some rarely used word list online, and wanted to know what my favorite words were (or to tell him, on the spot, some words I thought were particularly beautiful), and I was thinking the whole time it was another one of Smalltown's "hi listen to this joke and/or riddle and/or magic trick I just remembered/heard about/thought of" phone calls. I only got to the joke/riddle/magic trick part, when Seokhee announced to the Korean teacher that I finally had a suitor. I took issue with the "finally" part, but that didn't matter. None of what I had to say did.
Nor does it when I say that the photo of Willie on my phone is of a friend.
Nor does it when I tell them I bought the fucking juk for myself.
I must have a boyfriend. I'm too normal not to.
Well. It's nice of them (of someone) to think so, anyway.
Anyway. Yeah. That was today. Which means I got to spend a couple of hours out of the classroom, talking to the boys while not also having to ride their asses constantly to stop their tomfoolery and get back to work on their assignments. Which I only ever halfway mean, at any given time. Except on the really, really bad days. Which are seldom.
I took up post on the stone steps in front of the playground to watch the madness ensue. 700 bottle rockets and 500 model airplanes. Grubby, dusty, wet uniforms everywhere. The smell of wet-dog adolescent sweat. The stuff dreams are made of, really. I became the designated handyman, as this student or that somehow managed to royally fuck up their projects before launch time and, one after another observing me fix the one before, began to line up for me to sort it all out.
So I'm sitting there minding my own business, when I hear, "WHERE ARE YOU FROOOOOOM?" coming from somewhere above and behind. Cue a 20 minute shouted conversation with the curious first graders, who I haven't taught yet. They're a bunch of perverts. Perverts with shockingly good English, for our school's population. You're four feet tall, though. Stop asking me for a date. Also, don't scream, "HEY!" at a teacher. Do you scream, "YA!" at a teacher? No? Then don't do it to me. That's what you sound like. Horrible manners. "..... Excuse me?" Yeah okay. I'll take that.
Boy, do they ever have another thing coming once I get their little asses in my classroom.
I've gotten too used to my older boys, who have gotten too used to me. They would never dare to speak to me like that (anymore). To them, I'm a teacher. Not an oddity to be gawked at. They come over casually to chat about whatever, but they've completely lost that element of "oh my god I'm speaking English this is fucking hilarious!" that the new boys still have. Which I guess is a really good sign. Hopefully they won't do that to other foreigners they encounter later in life, either, having realized that, for some people, English is a language and just the way they communicate, and not a really funny party trick. And that other foreigners, like their weoneomin, are just other people. Sometimes I really do feel like we're doing foreigners-are-people-too manners training just as much as, if not more than, teaching English.
Today I taught my second graders with MJ, and they were brilliant. They always are when I haven't had them for a while. I got a standing ovation when I walked into one class, students climbing on top of desks with arms over their heads. Jesus, guys. Has English class gotten to be that fucking boring? Sit down. Stop acting like animals. Open your books to page... oh yes. Stop groaning. This is still class time after all. You know that. Don't act surprised.
After class, MJ and I bumped heads as he reached to unplug my mouse and usb drive at the same time as I did. "You seem to be more energetic than usual today."
"Do I? Well. I'm trying hard."
"You don't seem sick."
"I'm trying not to be."
"Did you eat something yesterday?"
"Yes. I had some juk. Two whole bowls."
"Hobak?"
"No. Just some vegetables...."
Everyone seemed very curious about how I got this juk today. I bought it for myself, you nosey gits. There's no secret juk-wielding boyfriend hiding in the wings. Although after hearing a phone conversation between me and Smalltown in the office last week, Seokhee is convinced there is. The conversation, from what he heard, went like this:
"Heeeello......no..... I don't know, synonym?...... what?.... what the h-.... what are you on about?..... is this another one of your jokes or riddles or something?.................oh ............... You're strange, you know that? ....... Yeah. Yeah okay just -- ...... well, just send it to me in an email...... okay...... okay I will.... I don't know! I'm going to.... just email me!....... no, I'm trying to walk out the door now, I'm not trying to-- ...... yes, I'll be home in like thirty minutes. I'll call you back then if you really --....... well, fine I'll email you. Okay. Bye..... Bye..... BYE."
Seokhee didn't give me half a chance to explain that I got confused, because Smalltown had been asking me what the opposite of opposite was, and then was trying to tell me that it was "apposite", because he found some rarely used word list online, and wanted to know what my favorite words were (or to tell him, on the spot, some words I thought were particularly beautiful), and I was thinking the whole time it was another one of Smalltown's "hi listen to this joke and/or riddle and/or magic trick I just remembered/heard about/thought of" phone calls. I only got to the joke/riddle/magic trick part, when Seokhee announced to the Korean teacher that I finally had a suitor. I took issue with the "finally" part, but that didn't matter. None of what I had to say did.
Nor does it when I say that the photo of Willie on my phone is of a friend.
Nor does it when I tell them I bought the fucking juk for myself.
I must have a boyfriend. I'm too normal not to.
Well. It's nice of them (of someone) to think so, anyway.
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