One more thing today....

I'm just absolutely sick about this (hat tip to Burndog for the link).

Look, I'm not even going to get into the issues that this brings up for those foreign teachers who thought they had secured a contract and salary here in Korea, especially the ones who have really earned their place here and are renewing based on a invitation, which in turn is obviously based on the fact that they've proved useful to their respective schools, coworkers and students. That's bad enough on its own. But fine. Vested interests, and all of that.

But really? Do you know what I spend almost all of my time in the office doing? Answering questions. To students? No. To my coworkers. Explaining grammar points and expressions, giving better alternatives to poorly worded or awkward phrases or explaining colloquialisms. Outlining the differences between British and American English. Explaining why, even though you technically can say something in English, it isn't at all natural or something a native speaker ever would say.

I also spend a lot of time forwarding my files. PPTs and worksheets and materials and lesson plans I've created all on my own, completely in English, to my coworkers, who pass them on to their friends and previous coworkers at other schools. I spend a few days out of every winter vacation giving a teachers' training course to English teachers in my district, which are well attended and very active. I spend an hour every week teaching a current-event based conversation class to the other English teachers at my school, at least fifteen minutes of which at the end of each lesson is capped off by lists of questions the teachers have scribbled down in their notebooks that the students have had, or which they have encountered in their own private English study, throughout the week.

And what language do you think my students speak when they encounter their Korean English teachers in the hallway, or have a question during class time? And what language do you think they speak to me? What language do you think they speak to me when they come into my office to visit and chat in between classes, during lunchtime and after school? When else during their daily lives do you think they spontaneously communicate with someone in English?

The Korean teachers are putting so much time and effort and energy into their own education. The fluency of my co-teachers now, and their ability to communicate with me, is incredible compared to what it was when I first arrived. They sometimes spend their entire vacations attending training courses and lectures and conversation classes -- with native speaking teachers. They're doing their part. They're giving up a lot. They are asking the questions.

So why is the government yanking away one of their most valuable resources? Why are they taking away their ability to lean over a cubicle wall and ask for clarification, and have it explained to their full satisfaction, and making them instead turn to the internet or other dead resources to try to fend for themselves? Why is the government placing them in the position of either having to tell the students they don't know, they're not sure or a possibly wrong answer? Why is the ministry of education expecting them to now grade write-in answers on exams, which have resulted in literally dozens of messages and phone calls to my desk after the exam period, all by themselves without anyone to check in with? Now, when they want to include real soundbites or videos with real native English in their lesson plans, which exposes the students to the kind of English they will realistically encounter out in the world, they can send me a file and receive an errorless transcript back from me, with a full explanation of all terms and expressions, within the hour. If I'm not there? Literally hours of work for them. More questions from the students they have no way of answering.

I know I'm expensive. And I know I'm not perfect. And I know my Korean coworkers have been working hard, improving, and are more capable now on their own than they've ever been. But I don't think the purpose I serve is trivial enough to be called a luxury. Not with all of the expectations with which my coworkers and students have now been saddled.

I work at a public school because I believe in the students' rights to equal opportunities in education. I believe in real English being a part of their daily curriculum. I take significantly less money every month than my hagwon teaching counterparts, and continue to year after year, because I believe in what I do.

Don't take that away from me. Cut my salary. Take away my free housing. Don't pay for my flight home at the end of every contract. I'll find a way to make it work, if I really feel like it's worth it to me. But don't take away my job. Don't force me into hagwon. That's not where I want to be. That's not where I feel the most useful.

I'm not GEPIK, and I'm not SMOE. For right now, there are no tremblings shaking my home turf. But I can't help but feel like I'm probably next. And it hasn't escaped my notice that, by this time last year, I already had a new contract in front of me for signing. And I haven't heard a word yet so far this summer.

It's a shame. And it's not just a shame for me. It's a shame for my coworkers and my students, as well. And I wish the people who hold the purse strings would take a minute and listen to the people who know -- not the foreigners who know, but the Koreans who know. It's the same old story in education every where in the world, and at the end of the day, a good educator only wants what is best for the students' education. I work with some good educators, and a lot of other native speaking teachers do as well. I hope someone higher up will make the right decision and listen to what they have to say about us.

Camp boys' flash free writing.

It's simple: You pick a subject out of a hat, and you've got seven minutes. You don't worry about grammar or spelling -- the point is to show us your feelings and your thoughts. That's a hard seven minutes, too. No "Teacher one more please one more!" about it. The pressure is part of what pushes them to finally just come out and say what they have to say in English.

So. Let's see what that is, today.

HoYong. Subject: a building.

A building that I want to live in future. My building in a future is in Canada. It has large of garden and has a little farm. The house that I'll live has Green gable and 3 floor. In my house there is living room, 4 bed room, hobby room, kitchen and a dining room. I'll live with my wife and 2 sons.

Sangwon. Subject: my future son.

In future, maybe I'll have a son. I will make my son active, healthy, polite. I will ask my son "what do you want to be when you grown up?" and I'll teach that.

KangMin. Subject: my favorite tv show.

I don't use my computer except doing homework. So I usually watch TV shows a lot. Among the TV shows, my favorite TV program is baseball game which is played by SK Wyverns because this team is my favorite team. When I was sixth grade in my elementary school, I was addicted to watch baseball game. So my favorite TV is baseball game. I usually watch it for 3~4 hours except Monday because Monday has no game.

SeongMin. Subject: my favorite thing.

Almost people have many favorite thing there lifes. For example, boys like soccer, baseball, play, computer game. When I young, I enjoy that, but now I decide my job and future so I want to make better thing. Recently I contact with many difficult and interesting hobby. So I find that my favorite thing. First, my favorite thing is watch a movie. Because I like read, but, when I read a book, I use a lot of time, so I like watch movie. Also, my favorite thing is talk to my friends, because, when I talk to my friends I'm interesting and know friends opinion.

Hyeog. Subject: a memory from childhood.

When I was young world have many surprise things so I have a lot of thinkings. For example people in the TV so TV show the person. Now I think this. It's an innocent child. And this world always reminds me of an incident in my primary school days. This world is mystery when I went to school first. School is very mystery world. New rules and new persons and so on.

Jiyoon. Subject: my future daughter.

In the future, I'll bear my daughter. So I'll teach to her many things. First, I'll teacher her about my life. So I'll make realize her. Second, I'll do anything for her. For example, give my love, buy the toy.

Yonghwae. Subject: what I really hate.

I hate insects! They are really really disgusting. And also, their wing sounds like "buzz-" are really noisy. In addition, harmful insects like mosquitos and flies are my enemy. They disturbs my sweety sweet sleep. Because of these reasons, I hate insects.

Sihyeon. Subject: my favorite grandparent.

To start write about my favorite grandparent. Actually I don't have any choices. Because I have my mother's mother and my father's grandparent. So I choose my father's. My grandparents live in Mokpo which is not developed. The country. So they breed many animals. Normally cows and dogs. Sometimes they breed rabbits too. Because there are many animals, so they catch them and show them. When we go there, they are enough to make us feel comfortable and it is not a city. One more thing about them. They are farmers. They do a farm work with some machines. So it is to good to go there and I love their lives.

Jiho. Subject: a problem I have.

My problem is that I don't talk too much. So this problem is fatal my life. Because I want to make many friend but I'm very quiet. So I didn't make many friends. Second, my future is


Now. Here is where Jiho finished writing. Because Jiho is very quiet, and it's quite difficult for Jiho to express anything, in either Korean or English. I've known Jiho for almost three years now, and I've always kept an eye on him. It took me a long time to get him to be comfortable around me, because I'm the number one teacher who's likely to put Jiho on the spot, due to the activities that my class involves. So I've had to kind of maneuver and manipulate my way around ever calling on Jiho, or falling on him to be the one to read or speak. He's one of those kids where it's not like he's quiet because he doesn't have anything to say, or there's just not much going on. And, it's true, those kids do exist. But Jiho catches your attention even though he's quiet. Whenever I've addressed Jiho since he was a first grader, he's hardly ever said a word out loud in response. But every time, there's a look that crosses his face that's like a fucking struggle. I can see him wanting to speak, and not being able to.

I really empathize with Jiho, because when I was just a couple of years younger than Jiho, I went through a phase where I just basically didn't talk. To anyone about anything. And it wasn't necessarily because I didn't want to.

But. Do you know what Jiho did today, when we were all sitting in a circle reading and talking about our answers together? Jiho didn't stop when he got to the end of the middle of that sentence. Jiho kept talking, all on his own, in English. Off the top of his head. He explained how in the future, he wants to be a professor, but being a professor requires you to speak in front of a lot of people. And he doesn't know if he can do that, because he can't even talk to his close friends now.

I told Jiho I was the same way when I became a teacher. That I was fucking terrified to stand up and talk to the class for the first time, and how it was really difficult at first. I'm not fucking around either -- it was literally my biggest fear when I was preparing to move to Korea. Not the language barrier, not culture shock, not the food.... I was most afraid of having to speak in front of that many people that often for that length of time.

I told Jiho not to worry about it -- I was dead shy all the way up through university. I still am, really, even today. When I meet people for the first time, or even when I'm in a comfortable group of friends numbering more than three or four, I mostly stay pretty quiet. But standing in front of a room full of judgmental little strangers and speaking for 45 minutes at a time? Piece of cake. Not a problem.

Okay. So we all know Jiho is the favorite of this camp. Sihyeon is close on his heels, because he's got the cutest little face and he loves his farmer people grandparents, just like I do. Hyeog seems to be edging on to saying something quite deep there, and it should be obvious that Yonghwae and Seongmin are the comedians of this batch.

Basically, I love them all. No surprises there. Maybe later today, or tomorrow, you can look forward to the gossip stories they wrote about each other, one sentence at a time.

Vacation Blues.

I always get really fucking stupid and emotional literally the second the vacation period starts. Most of it is probably just a gut reaction to the fact that I know it's coming anyway. I don't do well with free time. Which I do fully realize is fucked up. But it's also the fact that my coworkers aren't in the office, my friends and boyfriend are at work all day in Seoul, so the only real social interaction I have all day happens between the hours of 9 and noon with sixteen year old boys. Which is great. But not enough to stop me from feeling a bit stir crazy and lonely.

Granted, this week has been busier than I expected. Because I didn't actually believe that HT would place actual high level students only in my camp. I plan camps based around one core principle, and that is that every activity should be cake for the students to understand and participate in, no matter what their level is. But this group, it turns out, can be pushed a bit harder. So I've spent a lot of my "free time" in the office restructuring lessons, to bring them up to their level.

The weather is the kind of gorgeous right now that (especially in Korea) makes you feel guilty if you don't get out into it, so I've been trying. The fact that I've been leaving the office during the heat of the day is not really helping with that. Mostly, I just need to be out of the house to avoid falling asleep in the afternoon. My hatred for aircon is well documented, but when it gets that hot in my apartment, all I want to do is doze off.

This is all just really fucking depressing. I'm sorry. There's not actually anything wrong, other than I don't know how to handle myself when I'm not properly working, and also, it was this time last year that I went home for a month to spend some time with my family finally facing and coping with my grandfather's passing. It'll be another two months before I get home now.

Busan isn't quite sure what to make of all of this. Probably the last thing he would normally call me would be "clingy", and I'm still not quite sure I've crossed that line just yet, but there's definitely been a step up in the meaningless communication and pouting because he's working overtime departments. I usually don't give him any grief about work, because I get it -- in my mind, work comes first. When you've got a marriage and kids to consider, then it's time to start reorganizing priorities, but there's no way in fuck I think a girlfriend should ever come before what you need to do at your job. Even if that girlfriend is me. It's not stopping me from guilt tripping a bit at the moment, however. The sick thing is, I think he likes it.

Anyway. The only thing I know to say is, once I reach retirement age, they're just going to have to take me out back and shoot me. Or maybe I'll learn how to just enjoy myself by then. I fucking hope so. There's no reason half days, free time, vacation and relaxing should ever make someone so fucking melancholy. Especially when the actual free time has not even been so tangible yet.

I'll get it together. I always fucking do.

i'm a seventeen-year-old girl and i thought high school boys and their stupid "go make me a sandwich"-type comments were annoying enough. i'm guessing it never really lets up?

You know what? It absolutely does let up. Once you leave high school, you have the power to take your skill set and go to another place of employment if the male coworkers treat you with disrespect. You have the choice to shut down a conversation and tell a man to exit your company if he speaks to you in that manner out in public. And, most importantly, you have the right to choose to befriend, date and marry men who have a right mindset about women. And there are plenty of them out there.

Like it or not, men of the type who send me these messages are rightfully a dying breed. Women and, increasingly, men will no longer tolerate their bullshit. They are socially unacceptable, which is why they feel the need to take to anonymous forums on the internet. That's a good thing.

As for the high school boys making sandwich jokes, just steer clear. Let the girls who make excuses for that kind of behavior end up married to them. They may be hot shot jocks now, but they won't look so cute when they're growling at you to get dinner finished, get their laundry ironed and shut the kids up.

Aim for university and beyond. It does get a lot better.

Ask me anything

Females have a lower IQ than males, why are you surprised about this? Oh wait, you have a twat, hence your ignorance/stupidity

I'll tell you what. I can see plainly from your IP information that you live in Seoul. Email me and set up a date to meet. We'll see how your attitude changes to my face. Let's face it -- you're clearly of the stock that would completely fail to get such an offer off a woman of my quality otherwise. You should actually be grateful.

If you're too cowardly to do so, however, then I see no reason to pay you any more attention, and this will be the last of your messages that I respond to. You're plainly ridiculous and more than a bit obsessed with my blog. I'm flattered to have caught your attention, despite my low IQ. Really. But I'm sorry to inform you that the feeling is less than mutual. I'm sure it's hardly the first time you've heard that, so you should bounce back alright, yeah?

Ask me anything

On blogging female.

Being referred to as a "little yappy dog" when you manage to systematically deconstruct a man's very emotional reaction to something into a clear display of the multiple logistical issues it actually contains is always pleasant. A woman proves to be coolly rational and competently intelligent enough to articulate her point? Refer to her as an annoying animal and dismiss the entire conversation, without even bothering to try to articulate an argument in response.

Do you know what's actually a lot of fun? Participating in internet conversations under two separate personas -- one female, and one gender unidentified. Say the same things -- even take the "woman's side" on issues under the gender neutral account, while allowing people to presume you are male because of the way you participate in the conversation, and then see which opinion gets answered with respectful retraction of obvious logistical fallacies, and which opinion gets immediately dismissed as whining or nagging. It will teach you a lot about your place in this world, be you male or female.

Although I'm glad I did eventually start to speak clearly from the female point of view in this blog and in other spaces on the internet, sometimes I think back fondly to the days when everyone assumed I was a man. It was a lot easier to participate in conversations without automatically being chucked out on account of being noisy and hysterical. In fact, no one ever referred to me as anything of the kind, when everyone thought I was male. I was spoken to with respect, and even the oldest and most experienced male expats in Korea would take what I had to say into account. Even though I was actually completely new at the time.

If you encounter another internet persona out there who sounds suspiciously like me roaming around presenting as male, well... just know that sometimes I miss that. Being taken seriously for what I have to say, rather than constantly razzed out of the conversation with shouts of, "NEEEEER! WOMAN!!!!"

The fascinating thing is, no one ever does that to my face. At least, they never do it more than once.

Internet. I do not like you tonight.

Is it Head Teacher's fault you don't update as much as you used to? (Too much BS) or is there just less to write about?

This is a fair question. There are a few reasons why I haven't been updating as much. One is definitely that my workload has been far and away the heaviest it's ever been this semester. I haven't had much free time while I'm at work, and have been staying longer and longer after hours at work. I'm also teaching a lot more, which means I'm just more tired when I get home.

The other thing is that I started dating Busan. I know that's an annoying, kind of pathetic answer. But the fact is, he works and lives an hour away from me. Which means that seeing him during the week once or twice eats up my entire evening. Add in the volunteer hours at the study room, which also eat up an entire evening, and maybe one more having coffee or dinner with a friend, and the entire week is just gone. The weekends have been disappearing similarly.

I'm also re-doing a room in my flat, meeting a lot of new people, working on a few projects, and completely failing at keeping in touch with my friends and family back home and in other places. So, no. It's not that there's not as much to write about. It's that I'm a little busier doing than writing at the moment.

Basically, part of it is HT's fault, and part of it is just my own. Plus, this time of year is generally just busy for me anyway. I hope to get some focus back when vacation comes up in a couple of weeks, and I have a lot more free time. We'll see.

In the meantime, I update on Tumblr roughly five times a day with absolute useless nonsense. If you really miss me.

Ask me anything

Restoration.

You know how some people only pray to God when they need something? Well. I don't necessarily believe in a Jesus, but sometimes something happens that makes me want to say 'thank you' to him anyway, just in case.


I kinda got razzed this weekend by my friends who sometimes misunderstand my behavior in my workplace as some kind of fear, or inability to stand up for myself, which confuses them because of how I am in my personal life (ie, not like that). But I've found over and over again, especially since I came to Korea, that even when it looks as though you're not going to come out on top by keeping your cool and sucking shit up, sometimes you do.

Basically, when HT dropped that summer camp bomb on me on Friday, I took a minute to "finish saving my files", aka count to ten in my head and breathe, before responding. And when I responded, this is what I said (in the most neutral tone I could muster): I completely understand the situation, although I'm a little bit disappointed about it. Because the students are usually really uncomfortable in afternoon classes in the summer. Because it's hot, and because they prefer to be out and spending time with their friends by then. So. I understand that they want to take some other classes as well, but maybe if we could just make sure that most of them want to, so that more students don't end up dropping the camp rather than joining, due to the schedule change. Because I want as many students as possible to be able to participate.

She fucking blanked the shit out of me. And then I had to just let it go. Well. I didn't have to let it go. But I did let it go. And then I spent the weekend just getting over it. Just in case.

And then I came in today. And HT tells me that she has reconsidered. That she thinks that the students will be too hot in an afternoon camp. And all the other stuff that I said to her, almost word for word, on Friday.

Because, the point is, my camps are back on for the morning. And once again, somehow, I've managed to get exactly what I want by not so much as raising an eyebrow, let alone my voice or my contract or whatever else. Which makes me feel pretty fucking accomplished, actually. And lucky. Some combination thereof, I'm sure.

Lovely.

I love being tossed in the backseat.

Question: Whose classes for summer vacation were planned first -- mine or the Korean teachers'?

Question: Who decided they wanted the morning hours for their classes because it's not as hot, the students are more alert, and that means they can leave school four hours earlier than if they have to hold their classes in the afternoon?

Question: Whose classes just got fucking booted to the afternoon?

All the other teachers have all of their classes at the same time. The students have to choose one among all of the other teachers' classes. So why is mine the only one being separated out?

A quick suggestion.

Reading a post over at Burndog's Burnblog this morning has me thinking. Some D-bags complaining about games in class. Games are fucking great, so long as you basically use them as complete and total manipulation of the little guys' feeble minds, in which they only really think they are playing a game, but actually they are practicing English. Fucking sneaky, I know.

I know almost everyone has got finals coming up soon, and some of the behavior and focus in classes is probably getting a bit shit, but a lot of material still needs to be covered, so I wanted to just give a quick suggestion.

You all know Bingo is a shit game, right? Like, it's actually the most boring game on the face of the fucking planet, other than Hangman, which is just really incredibly shit. You should never play Bingo for more than five minutes, max. But. I've found a way to use it in class that makes it kind of a five minute reward that makes the students do their shit. And I can't take credit for this, because I actually got the idea from a book, but it can work with almost any question/answer target language lesson.

Basically, instead of having the little bastards practice a dialogue, which we all know they will avoid doing at all costs, you have them write down their answer to the dialogue, and then you give them a blank Bingo card. Then, instead of "practicing with their partner", they are now "making their Bingo card to play the game". They have to walk around and ask every fucker (at least 16) for their answer and their name, and record them on their cards. Then, you take up all of the students' answers, write the Q and A on the board with appropriate blanks, and you ask the question. For example, "What did Jinho have for dinner last night?"

Kids who have Jinho written on their card raise their hands and you choose one, who has to use the A on the board to answer you. "Jinho had bulgogi for dinner last night!" Then, everyone marks out Jinho. You don't even have to give them candy for this shit. Just their viciously competitive natures alone will carry you on this one, and meanwhile they've asked and answered the question 16 times, as well as listened to you ask and their classmates answer the question like 20 more times. And even the biggest asshole amongst them will get his life together and get his ass out of his chair and go do what he should be doing, too (or at least bellow across the room at weaker students to come over and give him their answers), because he doesn't want to be the loser with a blank card who just has to sit there sad and alone when we play the game.

I use this for the really shitty lessons that there's really nothing else to be done with. The kids resent me less, afterward. It's nice.

Use it, don't abuse it. If they get too used to anything, then they start to view it as the enemy. But I thought I'd throw that out there. Good luck, comrades.