Formspring Friday.

I recently read the blog you wrote about your gay students, how much of a problem would you say that is? Are there any places at all who properly that take in gay teens? I will be going to South Korea as a student next year and the issue struck a bit of c

I honestly don't know much about this. I only know what I see. But I have started to think about it more since that whole incident went down. I'm sure to be doing a little research on this in the next few months, but I don't know that it will be one of the things that's very easy for a foreigner to find out. I'll run it past the S.O. and see what he knows/what he can find in Korean as well. If I find anything out, I'll be sure to pass it along.

Hi! I'll be moving to Korea to teach and I was wondering: What is some of the more useful Korean teaching/office vocabulary you regularly use?

You really shouldn't be using too much Korean. The idea is that the students have to learn how to communicate with you in English. That having been said, knowing a few choice words for the sake of having an idea what's going on is a good idea.

As far as teaching goes, it's a good idea to sit down with your co-teacher before the first class and make a list of phrases and commands the students are going to need to recognize in English. Be quiet. Sit down. Open your books. Work with a partner. Eyes to the front of the room. Things like that. You're not going to really have the state of mind to say these things in Korean in the middle of a lecture, and you're going to need the students to learn how to respond to them in English. Once they know what it all means in Korean, they should adjust to hearing and responding to it in English easily enough.

Now, for what you will want to know.... this situation is a perfect example of why I've made an effort to familiarize myself with as many bad words in Korean as possible. Because they will try to pull this shit. And you don't need to know everything. Just responding to one or two bad words will give them the idea that they really have no way of knowing what you do and do not understand, so they'd better be careful. It needs to click for them that Korean is not a top secret code that only people with Korean blood can ever have hope of deciphering -- that you are capable of learning and understanding it as well. Making Out in Korean is a great resource for this -- it's where I picked up "보지".

All of that having been said, the most powerful word I've learned in Korea, as a female teacher working at an all-boys middle school, by far has been 변태 (byeon-tae -- pervert). That lone word has helped me to handle so many situations that I don't even know where to start.

you mentioned how foreign guys give the rarer combination of korean men and women odd looks or grief at times. has it gotten worse or better?

Better. Definitely better. The attitudes amongst and between foreigners in general have gotten significantly better since I've been here. And, basically, it seems like there are just more women around in general now. Most of the foreign guys I used to run into before didn't really mean any harm -- it just had never occurred to them that I might be open to dating Korean guys. They had spent a lot of time on Dave's ESL cafe or among other, older male foreigners hearing ream after ream of accounts of how foreign women do. not. date. Korean. men. And how Korean men don't date foreign women. They'd been programmed. And I was the only foreign woman in Korea they knew. It didn't matter that I was dating Korean men -- I was 100% of the foreign female population with which they were personally acquainted, but I was still only one woman. Therefore, I was still just an exception.

Now, there are way too many foreign female/Korean male couples around to ignore. And too many women around to ignore. And, with the vocal input of women's own accounts of things, a lot of the ignorance has simply vanished. It helps that the expat community here in Korea is kind of on a constant restarting cycle. One year from now, the Korean expat scene will look completely different than it does now. Because, one year from now, most of the expats will be completely different people.

Do you think there are any pro'sto teaching in lesser populated cities?

I mean, Incheon is not the boonies, but it is certainly not Seoul. My students have shit English -- they just do. But they also have a lot more freedom than Seoul students, and aren't as ground down by rigorous daily routines. If you work in the real country (which I don't have any personal experience with), you may have much smaller class sizes. Smaller schools in general. Probably closer to both your coworkers and your students. Basically, I think, probably any of the advantages you can think of to living and working in a small town in your home country would pretty much be the same. Same with the disadvantages -- the smaller the town, the more odd you are going to be as a foreigner. Sometimes that will be a good thing, sometimes bad.

Hey, any idea what is going on with ATEK? And what EXACTLY is ATEK? - VancouverCindy

I really don't have the knowledge to talk about this at the moment. There is a fucking shit storm going on at the moment, that much is clear. But I haven't sorted through all of it yet. Or even a fraction of it. If or when I somehow get involved or start to form any kind of educated opinion, I will let you all know. But for now it would probably be best just to keep your eyes on Roboseyo, because he knows a hell of a lot more about it than I do.

What about your past or character makes you more open-minded vs the average person? Open-minded questioner here. Was asking because you view krn society bereft of the many stereotypes and 'otherness' i have seen other ppl view my culture (gyopo here

You know, it would be so easy to big myself up here, but I really thought about this question for a long time, and the truth is.... I don't really know.

The reason why I don't know is because it has always confused me the way other people have gone at this whole thing. And many other things, like how the overwhelmingly white student population at my Brooklyn university reacted to the black communities we were surrounded by. I don't really understand it. To me, it seems like common sense to a. consider other people to be people and b. realize when you don't understand something and just not talk about it until you do. Or, at the very least, admit that you don't.

I'm not perfect. I've made my mistakes. I'm still making them. But it doesn't seem that complicated to me.

If I had to give an answer at this point, I would say that it's probably the result of a really weird combination of ignorance and awareness. Like I said in the last round of questions, I grew up surrounded by a lot of immigrant families. And my family did live in the projects for some time, where we were literally the only white family. To me, it was hard for me to separate myself from these groups, because, as far as I could see, I was a part of them. I was white. My neighbors were Mexican, Cuban, Puerto Rican, Chinese, Vietnamese, Black, etc. But we all lived in the same damn place, didn't we? It honestly didn't occur to me for a long time that I might be somehow fundamentally different. I know that sounds fucking stupid, but it's true. I didn't grow up separated out and having my parents tell me that I should think of myself as the same as "all people". I grew up actually believing it.

I had more in common with my black neighbors than I did with the blonde, white head cheerleader at school -- that was for sure. And that is still the group I have the most trouble relating to. Because I don't identify with it at all. Even my close groups of school friends, who almost always ended up being from more well-to-do families, were still oddly mixed. They lived in the "rich" neighborhood, but they were Mexican, black, a whole variety of East Asian, Indian, any combination thereof, and with a bizarrely high percentage of gay in there, as well.

When I got to university was when the "awareness" part started. But it probably only started because of my background. I probably took more cultural studies courses, in the end, than I did writing courses (my major). Feminism, race relations, globalization, immigrant studies, international machinery of war, the development of American photography in relation to the African American community, gender binaries within the structure of languages..... you fucking name it. I started to find that there were words and expressions and theories for the things that I had seen, felt and tried to think before. That this wasn't just my confusion and inability to relate to the way that other people thought about things, but that there were a whole series of studies created by important people that agreed with me, and which could explain why I felt the way that I did. I also started to understand how and why I wasn't exactly the same as my black neighbors. But I don't think I would have been able to apply any of that at all if it weren't for the place where I started. So it's not really down to me.

Nothing to really ask, but just wanted to say I find your blog really helpful. I live over in Japan and it's interesting hearing all the similarities between the two in education. I'm also from Texas (Austin-area) so your blog especially relatable.

Always nice to hear from a fellow Texan. I'm only just start to explore the Japanese expat blogging world. You all have got some nice stuff over there.

Hey. I was just wondering how IDD is doing. Is she feeling better these days? - Concerned

She's doing alright -- hanging in there. She's a fucking soldier, that one.

Is Busan racist?

No. And he's not homophobic, either.

What's an aegyo attack?

HL would like to know.....

What does an aegyo attack look like?







Trust when I say that what I was hit with was more powerful than all three of these combined.

Constantly under attack.

Things that have happened in the last week:

1.
I walked into 3-5 class B ban. I didn't even get my fucking usb stick plugged into the computer before Minchan shouted out: "TEACHER! How old Teacher?"

"American age or Korean age?"

"네?"

"Never mind. I'm 27."

"TEACHER OLD!"

"Thank you, Minchan. I'm sure that answer was probably coming no matter what."

"네?"

"I said, thank you Minchan!"

"네!"

2.
I walked into 3-4 B ban and before I even had a chance to get my usb stick plugged in, Jaegook came running over to give me a "선물". The entire class was gathered around me at the podium, watching closely with their beady little eyes.

Do they seriously have no idea how obvious they are?

I turned the box-looking object Jaegook was handing me over to reveal a massive tarantula encased in glass. Dead, obviously. I said: "Oh..."

They all started at me for a minute, before someone from the back said, "Oh? Teacher's not afraid....?" They shrank in disappointment, and even looked a little embarrassed, as if they had made some kind of collective bad joke. I actually felt at little guilty.

"Not afraid," I said. "In my hometown, there are many, many of these. You have to close your windows at night, or they will try to sleep in your bed with you. If you walk to the store, maybe you will see fifteen on the way."

"OH MY GOD REALLY TEACHER?"

"Haha no. Sit down."

3.
I walked into class 3-3 B ban and before I could even get my usb stick plugged in, the students started an epically loud countdown from ten in Korean. They were darting their eyes back and forth between me and one student who, it just so happened, was staring me down in the most sarcastic deadpan I've ever seen in my life. On and on the countdown went. I somehow instinctively knew better than to try to interrupt and ask them what it was, exactly, that they were doing.

They hit "일". The kid who was deadpanning me from across the room's face suddenly burst wide open into the biggest, most grotesque, most shocking display of 애교 I have ever seen in my entire life. There were V signs. There was double-pointing. There was winking. The whole nine yards.

I clamped my hand over my chest and fell face-first onto the podium. "애교 attack...." I muttered as I went down. "Why didn't any of you warn me?"

Formspring.... Tuesday?

Okay. My Formspring has gone mental, and if I wait until Friday to post it all, I'm afraid it will just be monstrous. It already is. But I'll just go ahead and get to what I've got now while I've got the free time. Tuesday Formspring wahey!

Hi. I asked the question about the stifling culture IN KOREA. Of course I'm not American, do I sound like an inbred red neck idiot to you? I'm Canadian, you know, that place where people have liberties and open-mindedness, not to mention being the most mu

The short answer is, yes. You do sound kind of like an inbred redneck idiot to me. There is no long answer, actually. That's about it.

How are Seoulites some of the most fashionable people in the world? They really can't compare to Tokyo, Berlin, New York or London. What an idiotic thing to say.

You think New Yorkers are more fashionable than Seoulites? That just begs the question: How much time have you spent in Tokyo, Berlin, New York and London? Because, as someone who lived in New York for nearly six years, I know for a fact you're definitely misguided about one of those. I know those are the city names that usually come printed on those tacky "international" tote bags, but that doesn't mean you should treat it like gospel.

Also, quick English lesson: "some of the most" and "the most" are not the same thing. Top five out of hundreds of thousands still qualifies as "some of the most". I mean, you didn't even read the statement wrong... you included it right there in your comment.

Yo! Did you get a Korean BF because you couldn't get a foreign dude as they're all with local tail?

Very original. This is an obvious fail. I don't believe that the men who actually still say things like this have worked out how to use a computer yet. Dadgum infernal technological devices.

Can a 나쁜놈 be cured?

Don't have a clue, to be honest. My 나쁜놈s were just straight up bastards. Which is to say, they were American. By the time I made it to Korea, at the ripe old age of 23, I was finished with any misguided notion I may have ever had to try to "cure" anything in any man. Either enjoy them for what they are, or walk away. Busan's in the process of teaching me that there is some middle ground, but I get the feeling I might be the one who's being a little bit "cured" in that situation, so I really can't help you. Good luck, though?

Have you ever had a white/western boyfriend before?

Why do you want to know?

You want something from me, you need to give me a reason to give it to you. Or just asking as a non-anon would even do.

This isn't a question... Just wanted to tell you that your description of "Holly Hobbie" had me in stitches. It still makes me giggle thinking about it. Also...I love reading your blog(s). I spend many hours putting my baby to bed and reading about your

I'm really sorry, but a lot of you guys are getting cut off. I'll repeat it again: imnopicasso@gmail.com. Anyway, thank you for the compliment. I kind of want to sneak a photo of Holly Hobbie to prove that she's real. I don't think my descriptive abilities can really do her justice. Also, she's a home ec teacher and is often wearing an apron around the office for literally no reason in between classes. A frilly one.

forget hongdae. or kangnam or all the other *hot* spots. in 2011, ITAEWON is where it's at!

I fucking hate Itaewon, to be honest. I avoid going there at all costs.

How do you deal with students who say blatantly racist things in class (ie, about a black kid in the textbook)?

I actually haven't run into this very often. At the very worst, sometimes when I use a photo of an African-American in my ppts, there will be some giggling. I mean, my boys mostly don't really understand English, which makes impromptu ethics lessons kind of difficult. So I usually just stop, tell them to be quiet, and say that that's not kind. And that in my culture, it's a little bit embarrassing, and that they are making me uncomfortable. Again, it's really only happened two or three times in my entire time teaching here. I have no idea what they might be saying in Korean, but they don't have the vocabulary to say anything too offensive in English.

I'm Korean-American. Some (white) friends have been considering teaching in Korea, couching everything in really exoticizing/Orientalist terms. How do I tell them how much it bothers me on a this-is-my-IDENTITY level, without making myself too vulnerable?

I mean, the thing is, you have to work out how worth it is to you. I usually deal with those kinds of things on different levels, depending on how close I am to the person, how receptive I feel they are, and what I think their intentions are. I'm white, but I'm also working class and from a red state in the south. As I've mentioned before, I ran up against a lot of ignorance at my private art school in NYC about those kinds of things. Comments about accents, hillbillies and whatnot, as well as more serious condemnations about "the projects" and people on welfare (where my family lived, and which my family was). The difference between you and me is that I can pass -- no one knows my background just from looking at me. In fact, more times than not, the offending comments came from people who assumed that everyone in the room was just the same as them. And even when I did reveal my background, it was easy for people to brush it off as me being an exception -- I had worked hard to get myself out of my situation, and out of my ignorant hometown, which was, in fact, evidence that everyone else could do the same, if they so chose!

What I can say, from my own experience as a white person, is that even though I grew up with an extremely unusually high percentage of first and second generation friends from immigrant families, and I spent a lot of time with those families and in those homes, is that somehow it never really occured to me how much they were connected to their family's culture. To me, they were just American. I was really, really ignorant about how mixed their identities actually were. And it took me coming to Korea for me to really fully understand that.

If someone's just being an ass, and it's pretty obvious that they're just not going to get it no matter what you say, I wouldn't bother too much. In my situation, I would usually just throw a few choice words in their direction to let them know that, at the very least, they'd better not open their mouths like that in front of me again, and then let it go. But when you're close to someone, you don't really have that option. And you don't really have the option of not being vulnerable, either, unfortunately. You are vulnerable already.

The thing about white Americans is that, like me, they don't really understand how much they don't get it. They think as long as they go around thinking of everyone as their "equal", then everyone else does as well, and they don't have to be careful how they think or what they say. In their heads, you are just their American friend. They don't realize that you go through life every day hitting up against people who don't think of you that way, and that even they don't realize that you're really not American in the same way that they are. And that even they are being offensive, because just "having respect for a different culture" is not enough. The truth is, you need to just flat out be careful what you say when you're talking about another culture and you really don't know anything about it.

I mean.... I honestly don't know if it will work. But I would try just explaining to them that you are American, yes, but also... you are Korean. And when they talk about Korea and Koreans, they are talking about you. If they don't get that, then just try explaining that they are talking about your family. At the very least, hopefully they can understand and respect that.

Do they have Tim Horton's Coffee in Korea? How much is a cuppa brew if they do?

I have no fucking clue what Tim Horton's is, but I'm getting a pretty strong Canadian vibe off this one. Haha. I haven't seen one in Korea? But then, I haven't been on the lookout for one either. There are literally millions of other coffee shops all over the damn place, though, so you should be alright. (Am I committing some kind of Canadian sacrilege by saying that? Oh, well. I'm American.)

what does "s.o." stand for? i've read enough to know that he is your boyfriend but I'm painfully behind on internet lingo to know what it stands for literally. please enlighten me! and feel free to add in any other abbreviated monikers you or others use r

S.O. stands for "significant other". When I first mentioned him, I wasn't too keen on using the "B" word quite yet. He is known as "Busan" in the other blog. Other nicknames are Smalltown, my best friend in Korea for ages, an Irish guy who has since gone back to Ireland. The Kid is my best friend from high school, who is still my best friend and who lives in Scotland and is really, really cute. Mags is my best unversity friend -- a smartass New Yorker comedy writer who came over to Korea with me in the very beginning, but who is now back in the States going to grad school. The current figures are: IDD, HYF and Grace. IDD is It's Daejeon Darling, who has now gone off the blogging scene. HYF is Hot Yellow Fellows, and Grace is Dating in Korea. I meet them about once a week to have a massive meal and huge gossip session, and Grace has sort of become my girlfriend to Busan's boyfriend -- I think we spend more time talking and texting than he and I do. Sometimes I even talk to her on the phone when Busan and I are on a date. I think he's a little bit threatened, but he likes her, so it's alright. And I think that about sums it up.

YAH. I'm a redneck. I'm probably inbred...and my intellegence is questionable...but I love Korea and don't think it's stifling at all! So doesn't he sound like an idiot CANADIAN SYRUP-LOVIN' MOOSEHEAD instead? ^___^

Whatever. I'm from Texas. I'm still not a bigoted idiot, so Canada must not have everything going for it.

I've wanted to ask this question for a while, since I feel that disciplining is the one area of teaching in which I could improve a lot. It always seemed to me that an all boys middle school would be a difficult place to teach in (always having to be on y

If you rewrite this question in a shorter form so that I can actually read it or email it to me if it can't be shortened (imnopicasso@gmail.com), then I can answer it for Formspring Friday.....

I am curious why you don't point out that the contract doesn't allow 8 classes/day? Is it the less classes/co hating you tradeoff?

Where does my contract say that? I'm not really a contract-pointer, anyway. I don't mind doing things that are not in my contract. And I am over my contracted teaching and working hours at the moment, significantly. But that's alright. I really would have prefered that when I specifically asked only to be given two extra hours a week, that that was respected. But it wasn't. And even that is fine. What is really, really rubbing me the wrong way at the moment, and the reason why I'm having so much trouble letting it go, is that no one took responsibility for having made that decision expressly against my wishes. I don't feel like it was done at all in a respectful manner.

It's one thing if you approach an employee and explain that you're sorry, but this is just what you really need from them. That it's for the good of the school and the students and the other teachers. It's another thing entirely to just try to slip it in under the radar and expect the employee to just suck it up. I'm really good at taking shit on the chin. I am not really good at not having that acknowledged. To me, the manner in which something is done makes all the difference in the world. And I realize there may be some cultural differences at play, but the fact remains that I'm still having trouble with it. And my co-teachers in the past, who have all also been Korean, have all either respected my wishes with regards to overtime work, or explained it to me in a respectful manner that they really needed me to just do it.

I really don't find Asian women attractive at all. Are there a lot of options for dating western women in Korea? Thanks, Roy

Well, Roy... I'm not one to jump down people's throats about their preferences -- we all have them -- but it does make a mind wonder.... why don't you find Asian women attractive? All Asian women? I have a feeling that might change once you're here and once you really see how vast the options are, even among just Korean women. It's fair enough that cultural differences can seem really off-putting at first, but once you start to adjust to the culture, you might find your preferences adjusting as well.

But that's not what you asked. I mean. It's a regular occurance that one or another of us girls will get bulldozed by a foreign man (or woman, but usually man) about why it is we "prefer" Korean men. The truth is, I think two of the other three do prefer Korean. And they have their reasons for that. As for me, I don't really have a preference. As far as race. But, the more time I spend in Korea, the harder it becomes for me to find a foreign man who I think I could really relate well to while living here. There aren't a lot of foreign men around to begin with, and there are even fewer who have been here as long as or longer than I have. And not having the same relationship to the culture and work environment and job as your S.O. can really wear on you when you are both in a foreign country.

The truth is, you are going to have fewer options. Period. There are not boatloads of foreign women around to choose from. When you factor in how many already have boyfriends, either foreign or Korean, then the pool gets even smaller. But there's no reason why you can't make it work. You might have to go to extra effort, such as joining dating sites or meetup groups, because it's harder in general to just run into foreigners out and about period. But finding someone you really connect with is difficult, period. We all have to just get lucky, one way or another. So I think you'll be alright.

If you didn't know, now you know.

So. Two things happened in the after school class today:

1. A student said "보지" right in front of my fucking face for a laugh in front of his friends.

and

2. Two other students named the superhero they were designing to practice our "can" lesson "외국인 근로자".

Now. With regards to the first one, these guys really honest-to-god did not mean any offense. They are good boys. And when I asked them to stay after to come to the teachers' office with me, they were genuinely confused. As evidenced by the fact that they explained several times to both me and my co-teacher that it was just "재미" -- for fun. I showed the paper to my co-teacher and explained the situation. She didn't need any leading or prompting at all -- she knew straight away what the problem was. The fact was, I needed her to help me explain it to the students.

They said that they had even realized I might take offense, because I'm not 외국인 근로자 (a foreign worker), which does go to show the bias that exists in Korea about Western foreigners versus other kinds. They used the expression because it was a nickname for one of their friends in another after school class, because he looks Southeast Asian. My co-teacher just turned to them and said, "She is a foreign worker. She is a foreigner. It's not okay to say something like this as a joke, either to her or to other people. Not about foreign teachers, and not about other foreign workers. Do you understand why she's upset?" She went on to lecture them about how they were making a bad impression about Koreans, that Koreans don't welcome foreigners, and how that's embarrassing to Korea.

The students took it really to heart. I don't think that's something they've probably ever thought about before, but they're not the type to just forget it. This is why addressing these situations is important. I knew they didn't mean to do anything wrong, and I didn't want them to feel like they were in Big Trouble, but at the same time, they need to have it explained to them on a level other than the foreign teacher just taking something the wrong way.

The other kid, on the other hand....

I honestly don't know who said it first. And I admitted as much to my co-teacher. But what I do know is that, when I heard the word and turned around, Jooyeong was the one who looked me straight in the eye and repeated it. And laughed.

As far as I understand it, 보지 translates pretty directly to "pussy". I didn't shout at him when he said. I didn't get angry. I simply said, I know what that word means and after class, we are going to the teachers' office and you are going to repeat it to a Korean teacher. He laughed and pretended to beg. He thought I was fucking kidding.

It wasn't so funny once we got to the office. The other two students stood well away from him, in case the Korean teacher happened to misunderstand and think they were in any way involved with what he had done.

This one, I wasn't going to explain for him. I just looked at him and said, "Go ahead. Repeat the word that you said during class."

He stared at me with wide eyes.

"Go on. Say it."

My co-teacher started nagging at him in Korean to repeat whatever he had said. I told him, "If you could say it to me, why can't you say it to her? We are both teachers...." At this point, he made a huge mistake. He started to lie. First he said that he had said "개새끼". I laughed -- nope, not that one. He changed it to "미친". Even my co-teacher laughed at that one -- as if I would drag his ass to the office for that. Then he got creative: He explained that he and his friends has innocently been playing "rock, paper, scissors" ("가위 바위 보") a bit too loudly, and suddenly I had just gotten really angry for no reason at all.

Now I was fucking mad. I looked him straight in the eye. Are you joking right now? Are you serious? You think that teacher is going to believe you over me? Are you really trying to do this right now?

Co-teacher translated, but was becoming a bit confused as to what was going on. I wrote the word down, in Korean, on a scrap of paper and handed it to her. Her eyes got huge. At that point, I mostly couldn't catch what she was saying. A lot of things about how dare you say this word in front of a teacher, and a few choice words of her own. She also told him that it may not seem like it, but I understand everything very well in Korean. I can hear everything. She showed him the scrap of paper where I had written in Korean. You see this? She even writes in Korean. What a stupid little bastard, to think he could get away with something like that in front of our foreign teacher. That's when the tears started. She reamed him for another good solid five minutes straight, and then turned and looked at me. I told Jooyeong to look at me and then explained as simply as I could: "Jooyeong.... if you were in a room full of people who spoke English, and they were making jokes about you in English and you couldn't understand, and everyone was laughing at you, how would you feel?" The sniffling turned into full on sobs at that point.

I realize it was a bit strong. But this wasn't just for Jooyeong. This was for the entire class, and even for the entire grade, who haven't met me yet. Maybe for the entire rest of their lives when they encounter other foreigners. It's not okay to try to make a fool out of someone because they are different from you, or because they may not understand what's going on. It has nothing to do with foreigners, even -- any kind of person who is at a disadvantage in one way or another. It's not okay. It's not kind, and it's not right. And you wouldn't want someone to do that to you.

I don't know how things will be between me and Jooyeong in the future. I hope he really thinks about it and takes it in the spirit it was intended. One thing's for sure -- I may not have caught every bad word up until this point, or every joke behind my back, right in front of my face. But I have a feeling they'll be damn careful about even trying it again in the future. Jooyeong was unlucky. He chose the wrong word. There are probably dozens of others he could've gotten away with. But the point has been made. And he'll think twice, for whatever reason, about openly treating a foreigner like a fucking idiot again.

The day a student said 보지 straight to my face.

This is a good one. There was laughter. There were tears. On the run at the moment, but stay tuned.

A woman scorned.

I've had the sneaking suspicion that the S.O. kind of looks down on my job. Not in the sense that he looks down on being a teacher, but in the sense that he doesn't get how hard it is, or how much energy it takes. I already said I try not to complain about my job to him, because he is working super long hours. But at the same time, after teaching eight straight classes today, grading journals in between during breaks, having another load of lesson plan paperwork dumped on me for tomorrow, and then running to the study room afterward to teach more classes, his sarcastic little pause on the phone when I made a comment about how hard today was after he fucking woke me up was not appreciated.

So I felt inclined to finally make it clear that, although I know he is working long hours, sitting in front of a computer all day can really not compare to controlling forty wild teenage boys for eight hours in row in a language they don't understand.

"Pssssh. I could control."

Yeah? Yeah, S.O.? You know what? I would love to see it. I really would love to sit and watch that. Because the only thing the boys will try to eat alive faster than a young female teacher is a young male teacher in whom they sense any weakness at all. We had a new young male teacher start this year. Do you know what happened to him in his first week? A student (who, I would like to point out, I have never had a single problem out of) kicked him in the shin and the entire class proceeded to hoot and holler and laugh, until the teacher ended up crying in the teacher's office after school.

That shit is not a joke. I don't think any job could possibly make you brain dead faster. Yes, it's true that I'm home by 6:30 or 7 most nights. But can I fucking function once I make it home, in order to actually do anything productive with that time? Not these days. Not at 27 teaching hours a week, I cannot. I keep dragging my sorry ass to the coffee shop after work in a vain attempt to keep up the Korean studying now-turned-charade, and then end up just staring at an incomprehensible page for 45 minutes, before giving up and going home.

Then I mostly try not to fall asleep until 10 or so. Until his sorry ass calls me because he's out for a fucking walk, getting some exercise after his day of sitting in a fucking chair.

I love my job, but eight classes in a day is simply too much. The thing is, it wears on your patience. I have the theory that adding teaching hours onto other teaching hours is not simple 1 + 1 = 2 math we're talking -- it's exponential. N to the eighth fucking power. Because, with every class you teach, your patience gets depleted. And the less patience you have left, the harder the next class is.

The last person I was more seriously seeing in Korea and I had to finally just give up on seeing each other on weeknights. Because he would crack a simple, childish joke and I would find it difficult not to haul off and give a smartass comment about how I was around children all fucking day and --

Anyway. It's not that serious at the moment. I can handle the students much more easily than I used to be able to. But I am tired. And my patience is thin. And if there were any way in the world I could make that little man stand up there and do what I do for eight hours in a row just once, I would do it.

He could control. Really. Really......

There are certain annoying blanket statements people make about Korea that are frustrating and ignorant, but what are some general things you feel comfortable saying?

That Seoulites are some of the most fashionable people in the world. That Koreans really are the Irish of the East. That Korean students are insane about candy.

I mean. Obviously there are some things that tend to apply to the culture as a whole. One thing I've noticed that really seems to permeate Korean culture is the concern for other people. And anyone who's been here for three months reading nothing but Dave's ESL is going to bust a gut at that, I know. Because all you see is pushing and shoving on the subway and the refusal to wait in line. All you are seeing at that point is basically the surface level of interaction with strangers.

But what I see is different. When I interact with Koreans on a daily basis in all kinds of intimate situations, I do notice that they prioritize the way that their actions and words will make other people feel. And they are generally very, very careful.

It's not blanket statements that I mind. It's blanket statements that are wrong, short-sighted, or just plain easy. Such as the one posed below.

Ask me anything

I'm wondering how you deal on day-to-day basis with a society that is stifling in all aspects - people thinking the same, acting the same, dressing the same, no significant sub-cultures, incapable of independence, unable to compose original music etc? Mus

Are you talking about Korea or the US? Because anyone who thinks as originally and critically as you seem to want to think you do would obviously know that all of the things you just said heavily apply to American culture as well.

Honestly, I'm considering turning Formspring off at this point. I'm getting really tired of "questions" that aren't questions but thinly-veiled insults or racist statements. Have a fucking look around before you contact me, please. I'm clearly not operating on the "Korean culture is so ________" mix-and-match level. If you want to repeat obvious, stupid cliches over and over and back and forth with other foreigners who also refuse to move past the surface level, I'm sure there are lots of other places on both the internet and in real life where you can do that.

Stupidity.

Ask me anything

Sorting it out.

The truth is, I need to stop scratching out blog entries while I'm at work. Because, in the moment, it makes things sound much worse than they are. Because in the moment, things often feel much worse than they are.

In this world, I think there are really two kinds of people: the people who get more worked up when they rant, and the people who rant in order to vent and calm down. I'm the latter. As I said earlier this week, I'm having issues with feeling like I'm not heard at the moment. Rattling off a quick ranty blog entry helps me to get that out of my system and go back to smiling my fucking face off at my coworkers and students. But it's probably not appropriate, given that I feel like I've been giving a really slanted view of things lately. Because once I get out of work and finally do get home, I fuck off to doing all of the things that I really enjoy. I'm happy in that moment, and don't feel like taking any of that time to write.

I'm also trying really hard not to rant at the S.O. about work at the moment. He takes it really well, but really.... if you were working 16 hour days and never hearing the end of it from your seniors about mistakes you've made, even though you're really giving it your all, would you want to go home at the end of the day to hear your girlfriend whine about her extra hour or two here and there? No. You would not. Because that would be a shitty thing for her to do. So I'm trying not to do it.

The truth is, 80% of my time at work now is spent teaching. Which means 80% of my time at work now is really, really excellent. I also took the time to settle the matter with one of the homeroom teachers today, and really actually do not give a toss about the other (Holly Hobbie), because my impression is that she's kind of an uptight princess who would probably judge me no matter what I did, so what does it matter? None of the teachers I like talk to her anyway.

And about the co who was doing the talking: I like her. And I really do feel like she's just under a lot of pressure right now. I don't think she means to do any harm, and is probably genuinely worried about me during class time. She's really putting a lot of effort into helping me to discipline the students lately, which shows me that she cares. So that doesn't really bother me, either. Because her intentions are not bad. They are probably, actually, very good. And she's definitely having a harder time than I am right now.

Regarding the forty lesson plans... it's not that I mind doing them. It's the truth, actually, that I just get away with not doing them most of the time. What I do mind is being expected to do them under a time crunch. So I talked it over with Head Teacher, and after initially telling me that they needed to be done by six class (at the beginning of four class, when I had to teach both four and five AND during my leftover lunch time), she decided that it would be alright for me to wait until the end of the after school course to hand them in. Which is much more reasonable and, in fact, even quite simple. Doing the paperwork for forty lesson plans in literally zero available time is not possible. Doing the paperwork for four lesson plans a week is no biggie.

At any rate, I still didn't leave work until after 5. Haha. I'm all talk.

I really do wish I had more time to talk about the students. But I'm teaching so many classes at the moment that it's all just kind of blurring together. One thing I will say is that they found out today that Grandma INP is coming to visit in a couple of weeks and, before I even had the chance to tell them myself, came out of their seats asking if she would come to school and if they could meet her. I've never seen so many teenage boys get so excited over meeting a 70 year old woman before. I told them that they have to promise to be polite and not say any bad words. They assured me that they would behave like gentlemen. And I trust that they will.

There are lots of stories to be told. About Jaegook, who lights up a fucking room with his goofy face which has a permanent smile plastered on it, and his gaggly long limbs moving in every which direction, and how I found out he doesn't have a mother and actually carries a lot of adult responsibilities at home. About how I assumed he was one of the most innocent and childlike third graders we have, and was wrong. About Seokhyeon and Mingoo running into me with the S.O., and me getting totally delicious revenge when I ran into them with their girlfriends yesterday. About how I realized then how much fucking makeup the girls who have boyfriends like Seokhyeon and Mingoo in middle school wear. About how Yeongjae, the odd after school student, is coming along nicely with Yeongwoo as his partner, and starting to open up and smile and make jokes and not just shut down and stutter and turn red any time I look at him. About how even Mingi (first grade Mingi, not third grade Mingi) who I thought was going to be my biggest challenge in the after school class hid in a cupboard until I came to class today and then jumped out of it laughing. About how I'm adjusting to teaching these younger students, even though it's been quite challenging.

But for now, it's date night. And, as the S.O. put it, after a hard day at work, the only thing to do is, "먹고 마시고 죽자". So I'm off to get ready to do at least two of those things, now.

They heard it through the grapevine.

Well. I don't know what the son of a bitch is going on. All I know is, I don't feel guilty.

That Co I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, who Mingi flipped his shit at and who I defended, has been really, really jumpy lately. I think the job is starting to get to her. She has, by far, the roughest classes. This week, she's been really nervous during my classes, getting on to the students way more than usual. Usually, I just handle them myself.

But yesterday three different teachers came into my office to ask me what happened during my fifth period class. I just gave them blank stares. Nothing. Why? Apparently, this co was downstairs in the third grade teacher's office carrying on about how awful class 6 and 7 had been during my classtime, and how angry I was.

Um. False. They weren't any worse than usual. I was more strict than usual. This week, we are doing a hell of a difficult activity, as specified in the book. It is way too hard for them. But. I have to teach it. And I can do it. But I need to hold their full attention, or they're not going to be able to understand. It's my responsibility to make sure that they understand. Therefore, none of the usual muttering and fidgeting has been allowed this week. They need all of their focus to grasp the concepts and language structure. But I haven't been angry, and I haven't been more put out than usual.

After the third teacher came in to ask me what had happened today that was so awful in my fifth period class, I finally thought to ask: Is this teacher saying this to these students' homeroom teachers?

Yes.

Well, who are their homeroom teachers?

One is a woman who's always been a bit of a cow to me anyway. She's annoying. She's pushing forty and dresses like a five year old. She puts on a fake high-pitched voice and wears her hair flipped out like a doll. She always has a bit of strain in her face when I bow to her. Once, when she brought her daughter to work, the girl wandered over out of curiosity and started to chat with me in Korean. I squatted down and started to answer, before this woman just came over and yanked her daughter away. Fuck knows. Not my problem if Holly Hobbie has beef with me for some reason, and I generally don't worry about it.

But. This morning I've already bowed to her twice, and her eyes have just gone a bit strained, brushed over me, and she's completely blanked me. Not so much as a nod.

The other teacher is Mingi's homeroom teacher. She came up to the office specifically to ask me about the issues I was having yesterday. I told her that nothing particularly bad had happened in either her class or the other class yesterday. She leaned in and started to spin it: I think that other teacher doesn't know what she's doing. Now she's complaining about seven class, as well. I think it's not my students....

Bullshit. It is your students. And it's the seven class students as well. They are rude and generally out of control. I don't have issues with them because they've known me and I've been teaching them for over two years now. But they are by far my roughest classes and the only ones I have to consistently scold. And I am not the only one who feels this way about them.

That teacher just blanked me in the hall as well.

I mean. Fuck sake. I don't even speak Korean. I can't even really defend myself. And I don't actually have a mind to. The homeroom teachers have a responsibility to control their class's behavior, even when they are not in the room. But at the same time, I feel like this co is throwing me under the bus a bit -- I wasn't complaining about their behavior, or having any problems I can't control. So to go around trumpeting it that I'm furious at the students and that I can't control them during class time is just a bit shit of her. I don't even have any way to set the record straight.


This school is just not what it used to be.

NPR is consistently full of shit.

I'm just going to repost this from The Korean, because I have so much to say about this that it isn't even fair to spill it all over his comments. Fuck sake.

First of all, I want to clarify about my personal relationship with NPR. I don't fucking like it, particularly their cute little radio shows that are meant to create quirky little windows into the unique way that all those other weird, interesting people live. It's some of the most condescending shit I've ever heard in my life, and it's often made even worse by the fact that the people who are creating it claim to be open-minded liberals. It ends up being either back-handedly classist, racist, ethnocentric, or some combination thereof more times than not. The fuckers even managed to piss off the poets I was working with back in New York by being remarkably blithe about the definition of poetry (the entire basis of these men's lives, at that particular moment, and something for which they had given up a lot), and asking cunty stupid little questions while trying to provoke a "cute" sound clip.

They're cunts. They try to be modern and snarky and end up coming off like complete tossers who have so much privilege that they can't help but be cunts in all their free time. They're not even ignorant cunts. They are well-educated, blue state cunts who grew up hearing that the world is a beautiful rainbow of all of God's different colored people from their parents. They don't have any excuses, and they have no fucking idea how wrong they are most of the time.

I mean. I don't like NPR to begin with. To put it mildly.

But this. You know, I'm not Korean. And maybe that's why the "kimchee-scented Kleenex " bullshit doesn't even bother me that much, compared to what for me is the larger issue, which is that this cunt of an alleged "writer" had the nerve to do two contradictory cunty things at the same time: 1. Distance herself emotionally from the book by making it "from another culture" and 2. Completely fail to take that culture into account when evaluating the book.

You can't have your cunty cake and eat it as well, Maureen Corrigan.

I like that word today. Sorry.

The point is, why is this book so Korean? I mean, when NPR reviews a book by a French author, do we need to hear about how different French culture is from ours, and how ______ our culture is, compared to French culture, and how there are probably baguettes somehow involved, and French culture is just so inconceivable that maybe I'm just not getting this book right because French culture is "completely alien" to our own? No. We don't. It's just a different culture. Literature crosses the bounds of culture effortlessly all the time. Sure, we may miss some key points here or there, but there's no need to produce an entire battery of caveats about how this piece of literature is from another culture. I mean, she wasn't actually reading it in Korean, was she? Has she never read a fucking book by a non-American author before? How fucking idiotic.

At the same time.... I really can't help but feel like Corrigan must have been on some kind of epically pressing deadline. Like she was getting down to the wire on the presses, and had to half-assedly throw some bullshit together to try to make a point out of something she really didn't care about. Otherwise, I have absolutely no idea why a professional writer would feel the need to completely ignore the actual storyline of a book -- and the "completely alien culture" it comes from -- and scramble to grasp an irrelevant detail, like one of the book's characters being female, in order to drag it around into the spotlight and try to make it into a big, fat something.

How are vicious feminists such as myself supposed to actually hold people's attention with things that matter when anybody who needs a "summarizing point" is just trotting that shit out for the fun of it? The review itself clearly states that the other children, at least one of whom was male, were held as being just as responsible. Anyone who knows anything about Korean culture at all is aware that family obligations are definitely not limited to the realm of the female. One of the first things they'll tell you when you start dating Korean men, in fact, is don't get mixed up with an oldest son. Because he is the one who will ultimately be responsible for his parents.

The novelist is a woman. Of course, it's not a hard-and-fast rule, but generally, especially first time novelists will stick with a narrator and/or narration of a character of their same gender. It's just easier.

So a Korean woman feels responsible for her mother. Who, in all of Korea, doesn't feel responsible for their mother? Who, in the entire world, shouldn't feel responsible for their mother?

So, basically NPR did the same thing it always does: It othered another culture, and then criticized it based on its own cultural standards without having any actual fucking clue what was going on. So that clever little upper middle class white people can sit in their clever little houses and read their clever little book review about a clever little Korean book. And feel like they're checking all the boxes on their clever little cultured lists. And, in my opinion, it's just a symptom of everything that is absolutely, 100% wrong with that culture, that Corrigan finds it just so blase that someone would, like, feel guilty for like, being the totally unique and free butterfly that the universe intended, and instead would get all bogged down by icky things like personal responsibility and filial obligation.

Big, huge pile of obvious horse shit. And I'm pretty sure Patti Smith would like nothing more than to kick a clever little empowered woman like Corrigan right in the cunt. That's worse than that KRD fuckwit sourcing his incessant drivel back to Hunter S. Thompson. You fucking wish.

Special needs.

You know. I do get really tired of being treated like a special needs individual in relation to my students. In relation to life, I'm just kind of used to it. When you don't speak a language, people have a hard time not associating you with a child. But in relation to my job, I think I should have made it obvious by now that I'm not mentally handicapped.

I've got a student in after school, Yeongjae, who I clocked on to being a bit off right away. Why? Because it's fucking obvious when you've had as many students coming through your hands as I have. So, even though Yeongjae still doesn't have a file, and even though Yeongjae is consistently late, and even though Yeongjae rarely actually does the work, I don't scold Yeongjae. I don't hold Yeongjae after class for punshiment for not having a file like the others, and I just ask Yeongjae a simple, gentle question when he wanders in fifteen minutes late, and allow him to answer in Korean. I've also placed a higher level, kind student, Yeongwoo, with Yeongjae in class to help him complete the assigments and participate in the activities.

Yeongjae missed a class very early on -- the second class we had. I told Head Teacher so that she could let the homeroom teacher know. Because that's what I'm supposed to do -- not because I was angry. I also told Head Teacher that I thought Yeongjae was a bit odd, and probably wasn't making trouble, but that his homeroom teacher should know he wasn't in class.

Head Teacher came back to tell me that the homeroom teacher said that Yeongjae is a bit special and that I should not get angry at Yeongjae, because he's not normal. Okay. One time, even after I've already said it myself, can be considered giving information.

Yeongjae has come to class about twenty minutes late twice more now. Yesterday, he told me he was at the hospital, but he seemed really flustered, and it didn't seem likely that a student would go to the hospital at the end of the day and then return. Now. I worry when I see something like that, because students like Yeongjae are very vulnerable to school bullies, and when a student like that is disappearing for large chunks of time here and there, it's possible that there's something shady going on. So I let Head Teacher know, again repeating that I'm not angry, but worried. Again repeating that Yeongjae is a little odd, and I'm not trying to get him in trouble, but that I thought his homeroom teacher should know that he's disappearing inbetween classes. Again repeating that Yeongjae is not a trouble maker, so please not to make it seem bad to the homeroom teacher.

She sends the homeroom teacher a message. Then, she informs me that she got a response. That Yeongjae is a little strange, but that he's not a bad student and please not to get angry at him. That I should try to understand Yeongjae because he has some problems, but he's not trying to make a problem, so please don't shout at Yeongjae.

She delivers this to me with not a hint of indication that she realizes she's repeating or confirming something that I already know. And fuck knows what she told the other teacher I said about Yeongjae in the first place to provoke that kind of response.

Thick. Thick as a fucking plank.


I need a vacation.

An American on mute.

Fuck sake. Wasn't I just carrying on about having adjusted to saving face? Sometimes the Universe likes to come around and just bitch slap you right in the gob. I have no idea why. It wasn't as if I was having delusions of having conquered the fucking world. I knew my fucking place. I knew there was still work to be done. Did it really all need to come careening down on me at once?

Two things went to hell in a hand basket real quick this week. Unfortunately, they are the only two things a woman's got in this world: my personal life and my work life.

Now. I'm not going to go into the details of the personal life bit, because if you rubber-neckers really feel the need to have a look, you can see it in all its gory neurosis over in the other blog. But basically, the S.O. and I hit a major roadblock. And it's an issue of personality. Which is to say, it is probably -- at least in part -- also an issue of culture. Basically, the shit hit the fan. I needed to "talk it out". He needed to fuck off to his own corner and let it blow over. I couldn't help but feel like part of him needing to fuck off to his own corner was because he fucking caused it. I couldn't separate culture from the personal. Because, in some ways, they are inseparable. He had (is still having?) trouble working out what in the fuck is so wrong with just high-tailing it the fuck out of Dodge the second the 기분 gets fucked. Even if he was the one to fuck it.

The other thing is, the work just keeps piling up. All of the shit that's getting dumped on me last minute at the moment would not be a fucking issue at all if it weren't for the fact that I knew this shit would be coming, in one form or another, and I specifically asked not to be handed more than two after school classes a week. Instead, I was handed four. With first graders who don't know me, don't know my routines and my methodology, don't speak any English and require a fuckton of scaffolding and prep work. If you've got older, higher level boys, you can kind of wing it on some days. You're going to be able to get through to at least one kid in the class what the fuck they're meant to be doing. If you've got babies who don't have that much focus to begin with, and who cannot understand a word of what you're saying, you best make sure your ass is prepared. You best be sure that you can walk into that room and, without a word being spoken, be able to convey the meaning of all the vocabulary, all the grammar, and all of the directions and activities. Quickly and effectively. That takes a lot of work. A lot more work than high level third graders require.

So now, every time Head Teacher leans over the dividing cubicle and comes out with one more request, interrupting my frantic prep work at my desk, I want to fucking throw it in her face. No. Writing ten exam questions wouldn't be a problem. If I didn't have to prepare for four after school classes. No. Reading over your exam questions and doing a practice run to make sure I can answer all the questions correctly would not be a problem. If I didn't have to prepare for four after school classes. No. The last minute evaluation you're telling me I'm going to have in two weeks and all of the paperwork involved wouldn't be a problem. No, the business trip next week wouldn't be a problem. No, sitting in the EOZ during my leftover lunch time wouldn't be a problem. No, proof reading your work for the district office wouldn't be a problem. No, editing the science teacher's grad school course paper wouldn't be a problem. If. If. If. I didn't have to prepare for four after school classes.

But I can't say any of that. Or at least, I don't know how to say any of that in the right way. I may have gotten used to bearing the brunt of saving face from the other side, but I still don't really know how to do it myself. I don't know how to speak up for myself in the right way. And I'm aware of that. So the end result is that I feel like I'm on mute. I can't unload everything that I'm thinking and feeling on the S.O., because he's not going to respond well to that, given how blunt and ugly and direct it looks in his culture. I can't directly point out how horrific my work life is quickly becoming thanks to the Head Teacher ignoring me (and I couldn't point out the fact that she ignored me in the first place), because I don't know how to go about it in a culturally appropriate manner. When I open my mouth to speak with emotion, American is still what comes out.

So, for a few days now, I've been in a little hidey hole of self-pity. I feel frustrated. I feel pent-up, bull-dozed and generally unheard. It's one thing when someone saves your face -- it's another thing entirely when you have to save someone else's.

But it's a give and take. And I trust that, eventually, I will work it out. At least with the S.O., he's on my side. I have some room for error there. And some room for compromise. And I don't think work will feel as bad as it does, once the other is fully resolved. But that's going to take some time.

At the moment, I'm trying to vent as much as I possibly can by calling up other Americans and letting loose in the most colorful language imaginable. And they're saving my ass. Especially the ones who are here and who know why it is I can't say these things in this way to the people I really want to say them to. And who can offer suggestions on how I can better approach those situations (in)directly.

See. I still have moments. I still have my fucking beef with this culture. But it's not the culture's fault. And the thing I really need to remember at the moment is that it's not really mine either. I'm doing the best that I can. And the only way to learn is through experience. Trial and error. Baptism by fire. All that good shit. So I'm hanging in there. Very, very quietly.

Questions: Are you getting used to Korea?

I am a 7-monther gearing up to renew my contract. Might be here a long time. As an experienced expat, does anything take you by surprise anymore? Things (cultural difference things!!!!) still tangle me up a lot. Are you a totally cool customer in situ

About a year ago, you wrote about saving face. I struggle with this too, and was wondering if you have any more insights into this aspect of Korean culture a year later.

Hey INP, Been reading your blog for .. almost a year maybe? So I have a question now: What does it feel like to be the minority? I guess I'm asking for the emotional, rational and overarching perspectives =).

Okay. I'm going to have a go at all three of these at the same time, because this relates to something I've been thinking about a lot lately. It may not exactly be an answer, but maybe it will be useful anyway.

A couple of weeks ago, somehow Grace and I got on the topic of how being culturally fluent affects your relationships in Korea. It sounds kind of obvious, but I think it's one of those things that only becomes obvious after you've moved off from the place where it completely wasn't. What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. It's Friday, and I'm going to have a hard time explaining this anyway. But basically, living in a foreign country is much like undergoing some kind of continuous, eternal adolescence, where at every point (even if you know better), you're convinced that "now" you "understand", only to move down the line a few months and look back at yourself and cringe.

Grace has been here longer than I have, and it's not hard to feel like the senior in the foreigner-in-korea situation, if you've been here for longer than two years. Every few months a new wave comes in, and you're a few more months down the line of figuring shit out and getting your shit together. It's these new waves most often, in fact, that cause you to look back and cringe. Because you remember doing those things, making those cultural mistakes, and having not a clue. But now you know better. Which causes you to think: what am I still doing that's cringey? What have I not caught onto yet?

The point is, we were (I think) discussing some or another faux pas that had been made by another, newer foreigner -- not with contempt, it's important to note, but in that way that anyone kind of acknowledges someone being in a place they've already been. With affection. A little bit protectively, even. And it started us off on a reflection of our own past mistakes, and how embarrassing we'd been in the past, without even realizing it.

The first 1-2 years in Korea are full of learning. When you start from scratch, you've got a long way to go. What I think has happened in the last year or so, however, is that I'm not so much learning as I am settling in. There were things that I "understood" after the first year, that I'm just now getting used to. Saving face is one of them. Being a minority is another. How do you know when you've really conquered these kinds of issues? When you stop noticing them.

When I first came to Korea, I was determined to try to understand everything as well as I could. But something I've learned since I've been here is that dissecting everything and being able to talk about it analytically is not really the most important part of understanding it. Saving face caused huge issues for me, as the commenter points out. And it wasn't that long ago that I thought there was no way I could never understand it. And maybe I still don't understand it. But something even better happened -- I got used to it.

I don't really know how to explain it. I guess because saving face is such an instinctual practice to begin with, it makes sense that my adjustment to it would, ultimately, be instinctual. I can talk about it with, for example, my boyfriend or Grace with relative clarity. Because my boyfriend is Korean and he gets saving face, and Grace has been here for longer than I have, and she gets saving face. But I can't really articulate it. I'm not saying I'm great at it, or that I'm no longer socially clumsy with it, but I have definitely absorbed it on some level. And, for me at least, I think that's the way that it had to happen. I just had to get used to it.

It's the same with being a minority. I once saw a short video clip of a foreigner doing stand-up comedy in a bar in Itaewon. He nailed it, exactly, when he said, essentially: If I hear one more fucking foreigner carry on about how their coteachers are so amazed that they can use chopsticks, I will flip my shit. If I have to hear that fucking story one more time. It's like being born -- it happens to everyone. Move on.

And that's the thing. It stops being weird to be weird. It stops being amazing that people stare at you on the subway. It stops being surprising when waitresses in restaurants all over the country who have never even seen a foreigner before all say the exact same thing when you go to order the food (and you all know what that thing is). It just becomes normal. You get over the fact that this is what being a minority is -- hearing the same things everywhere you go, having the same tired conversations with people over and over and over. Being placed into a category and reacted to as part of that category. And, if you're smart, you realize that it's the same everywhere. For all minorities. And you take a lesson from that about your own behavior, and your own reactions to people of other categories. And you recognize that there's nothing special about your situation. And then you get over it.

That having been said, regarding the first question....

As I've said before, the S.O. knows all about my blogs. He even made a little guest post on the other one a couple of days ago. He also sometimes will call or text and ask what I'm doing, and the answer will be, 'writing something for the blog'. He constantly bemoans the fact that I am too used to Korea, and that he can't explain anything, or guide me in anything, or show me anything new. Which isn't true at all. Especially with cultural issues. So it confuses him that I'm still keeping the blog -- he says, "What else is there for you to write about? Haven't you written everything in nearly three years? What could you possibly still have to say about Korea?"

That's amazing to me. That he could assume that less than three years is enough time to conquer a completely different culture.

To answer the first question, I am still surprised every day. Maybe not in the same way that I was in the beginning, when everything was completely new. But in a more subtle, more nuanced and -- I think -- deeper way, now. You know I love to compare my relationships with places to relationships with people, and that's true with this as well. You know, there are those first few months when everything about the person is incredible and new and fascinating and you're just really busy working it all out.

And then there's the period that comes after. When you're used to each other. When you know all the basics. But do you stop learning about that person? Do you ever know everything there is to know? I don't think so. Every day you go through new situations together, and every day you are in a different place than you were before. You get to learn how that person is at one month in, at six months in, at a year in, at ten years in. And they are different at every stage. And so are you. You start to learn about their history, their psychosis. Under every layer you peel back, there's a new one waiting. And you can take it as far as you want to.

Korea is new every day. It's changing just as quickly as my understanding of Korea is changing. And I've also got a hell of a lot to catch up on. But I think I'd probably be doing the same kind of thing anywhere. Sometime I feel like no matter where I am, I still have some kind of inherent confusion about things. Life is confusing. Interacting with other people is confusing. I find most things to be at least somewhat mysterious. It's our instinct to want to get to the bottom of things, and to feel like we're making progress. At least, it's mine. As Kerouac put it, "All of life is a foreign country." I just happen to actually be in one, as well.

Yonhap clocks on.

Just got a notification for this article about the preference for white foreign English teachers in Korea. Nice to see these things being addressed, even if not nearly widely enough yet. And even if it is in English. It's a start.

That reminds me that the woman whose kids I teach on a regular basis (even though she's horrible about foreigners and regularly gives me headaches based around the fact that she believes foreigners to be English machines, who exist solely to teach Koreans English) told me this morning that her daughter informed her, about yesterday's listening exam: "There was one native English speaker.... and one British person!" Why even bother, yeah? Just, why bother? If she can't grasp the fact that someone with a British accent is a native English speaker all on her own, I don't think it's a problem that I can fix.

Formspring Friday is back.

I'm a cunt. A cunt who forgot about Formspring and hasn't been getting notifications. So I'll try to get to as much of this as I can today, including a few quick answers, and then one longer one in a bit. First, the quick ones:

what's your perspective on adoptees and korean attitudes

I am severely unequipped to answer this question. I am not an adoptee and I don't know many. I know that there's a lot of confusion about the fact that someone can be Korean and not at all Korean. Some Koreans have a really hard time understanding that when you are adopted, you are not raised at all culturally Korean, and that you can't understand any of the language. To many Koreans, being culturally and ethnically Korean are the same thing. The fact that someone can be 100% "American" and still be 100% "Korean" kind of does some heads in. Which can be frustrating, I'm sure. But as far as the deeper issues go, I can't really answer this at all.

Hello! I was just wondering, do you think that there's a big difference between being a foreigner as an English teacher and a college student (both usually short-termed)? Most of what I’ve read up until now is about teachers, so probably because of tha

(A reminder that Formspring cuts off if your message is too long -- emailing is better: imnopicasso@gmail.com) Um. I don't really know. Again, I'm not a college student here. There are a few over on Tumblr who you should contact if you want to know more. My personal favorite is Coffeejusayo.

How does one combat the awfully humid weather of S. Korea during the summer?

You don't. You give in to it. It is stronger than you are. Seriously. That's the only answer I have.

Some advice that's always helped me, since I always had the same falling in love with places problem: There's no geographic solution to an emotional problem. Cheers.

Funny, seeing this now. I know that. You know what's really nice? Finding another person who you jive with who has a craving for geographical changes, just like you do.

hi! so it seems most foreigners in korea work as ESL teachers. are there options other that teaching? i'm a korean male gyopo who speaks korean conversationally, meaning i'm good at small talk but nothing further or deeper than that. thanks!

Again, maybe someone else can help this person. I am a an ESL teacher -- I don't work at another job. But I know there are options out there. I just can't help you with it. Maybe contacting Soniassi, who works for a Korean company, would be a good idea?

Awww. I'll make a little Liz voodoo doll and wash its hair in nice hot water. Hope it helps!

I hope this was when my boiler was broken. Otherwise, that's just....

how are you able to teach in Korea? I want to teach overseas. And so far, i have no clue where to start. (= thank you!

I mean, the information on the internet is pretty much endless. Did you try Google before you tried me? First thing you need is a university degree from one of the qualified English speaking countries. For teaching in Korea, anyway. After that.... seriously. Just google it.

I have anxiety disorder. Will this make it difficult for me to find a job in Korea? Will I be treated differently by people who know? I know that you don't know how people think, I just want to hear your opinion on this, or anything you've heard. Thanks!

Secret telling time: I also have an anxiety disorder. I didn't put that shit on anything anywhere related to becoming employed in Korea, and I will never tell any of my coworkers or anyone related to my job. Because it's nobody else's business. My anxiety disorder is very well controlled, and hasn't been an issue (for the most part) for several years now. It does not interfere with my work, and I didn't allow it to even when it was at its most severe. Therefore, it is none of my employer's business. I keep that shit to myself, even in the States, because that kind of thing is so highly stigmatized and misunderstood and, frankly, condescended about. In Korea, I think it might make you even slightly more of a freak. If that kind of thing doesn't bother you, then just have it. I don't like everyone knowing my personal business, though, so I generally only talk about it with people who I trust, be they Korean or foreign (both cultures have the ability to be incredibly cunty about these kinds of things).

ummm HEY! I am a Korean/American who happens to be here until august or something... I don't know anyone here... and I DO WANT TO DATE! so I was wondering, is there a dating site for koreans or something? I am not in Seoul, I am in Cheonju, in Cheonbuk...

I tried to use a dating site one time. I didn't ever even meet anyone from it, and was mostly just disgusted as a result, to be honest. I'm just not cut out for internet dating. So I really don't know how to help. But there are a load of dating bloggers over on Tumblr who probably could. If you look in my sidebar, there are links to several of them.

how's the drop dead deadline comin' along, darlin'?

It's not, as always. X-O

I have read lots of times when you have to be in the office when teachers are out as a desk warmer, and a couple of times you have blogged that you were starving because no one thought of you at lunch. Now, are you literally chained to your desk to answer

You know, I'm can't be sure of where this is going, but I think I have a pretty good idea. If I'm wrong, I apologize. At first, I felt the need to justify myself with an answer, and then I realized that a literal question deserves a literal answer: The answer is no, I am not now, nor have I ever been, literally chained to a desk. I think it's really interesting that you would read all the way back through my blog for an entire year, and find that to be the one thing you would comment on. I hope this answer has literally satisfied you.

A little hard to comment without specifics.

Yeah. No shit.

I just love your blog, I have no question, I just really needed to tell you that!

Well, thank you.

your boyfriend sounds like a smart ass. i like him!

He is. I like him, too.

wow. ur so *special*

Thank u. I em sur u r special 2. Not special enough for me to read your blog, though, unfortunately!

hello

It's like walking down the street after work. Bam! Random hello, out of nowhere.


If I didn't get to you, it's because you probably had a more serious question that requires a longer response. Those posts coming soon. And again, sorry about the delay. I didn't know.

On cupcakes and cunty conversations.

I kind of give up. I've been bringing in baked goods (bread and cupcakes and whatnot) that I've been making at home to work. I always give some to Head Teacher, of course. Because I'm not an ugly person. It's an attempt to keep my karma balanced. Or to make up for all the ugly things I think about her and just barely manage not to say out loud. Or something.

Anyway. Today it was tiramisu cupcakes. She asked me how I made them. I listed a few of the ingredients. She interrupted to say that it was very difficult. I told her she only thought it was difficult because she had never seen it done -- that it's quite simple.

She told me that making rice for Koreans is easy because they all have a rice maker in their houses, so making bread for foreigners is very easy, because they all have bread makers in their houses.

Uh. No. Actually, they don't. And bread, as in morning bread, is actually quite difficult to get exactly right. And bread machines don't make cupcakes. And cupcakes are not bread. And making rice is nothing like making cupcakes. Or bread.

I settled on just telling her that all foreigners don't have bread machines and leaving it at that. But that making cupcakes is really quite simple -- you just put all the ingredients in the bowl, stir, pour it into cups, put them in the oven, wait. The end.

She didn't allow that to deter her from her pre-determined line of thought (or speech), of course. She trooped on: Making cupcakes is easy for you because you are a foreigner.

Well. No. I just know that making cupcakes is easy because I'm a foreigner. It's just as easy for you as it is for me -- you just follow directions. Put this amount of these things in a bowl and stir -- I repeated.

No. For Koreans making bread is very difficult. One of her students paid $500 a month to a private tutor to learn how to make cinnamon bread. It's not easy for Koreans.

Really? Because I think it's the same as any cooking -- you just mix the ingredients in the right amount. It's not --

"You are a foreigner! You have an ingrained natural sense of how to make bread!"

You know what? That is your last cupcake ever. Ever.

HT and Joonghyeon with INP in the middle.

You'll notice that in the earlier post, although I mentioned Joonghyeon, I didn't specifically outline anything that he did wrong in today's class -- it was his cronies I was talking about. That's because Joonghyeon, as far as I saw, didn't really do anything wrong today.

Joonghyeon came in five minutes late -- that's true. Joonghyeon always comes in five minutes late. And his classmates come in not long before him. Because they always come late to Head Teacher's class, no matter how often I tell them that on Tuesdays, they'd better be on time. Tuesdays are the only days they get punished for being late. But the fact remains that Joonghyeon was not the only one who came in late.

When he did come in, I heard some sort of scuffle start up between him and Head Teacher. Something about "why only me?" and "five minutes". Joonghyeon was sulking when it was time to start the game and I asked him why, but he just shook his head and I let him be. Then Joonghyeon didn't make a peep for the rest of the period except to tell other students to be quiet, when I was shouting for them to settle down during the game.

The thing that Head Teacher has to learn is that, to some extent, you need to just let Joonghyeon be Joonghyeon. I've well learned that, even if he is speaking too loudly, and answering too often, if Joonghyeon is engaged with the lesson, you let him be. I use him for examples throughout the entire class. Joonghyeon is almost always, to some extent, somewhat of a center of attention in my lessons. And when he's in a shit mood, I let him put his head down on the desk. Not all the way down and not with eyes closed -- he knows where the line is. But I allow him to slump over.

In return, if I tell Joonghyeon to be quiet, he is quiet. If I tell Joonghyeon to sit up straight, he sits up straight. And when I asked him why he was sulking today, instead of disrespecting Head Teacher by explaining to me that she had singled him alone out for minus points for coming in late, and had told him alone to be quiet, when all he had done was turn around and tell his friends to be quiet when I was calling for it, he just shook his head and sat up a little straighter.

And Joonghyeon held it together until the second the bell rang at the end of my class.

Where's my fucking Oscar?

Just had the most successful student shaming of my life. There's one A ban class that has this little gang of assholes. I've already had it out with Joonghyeon (the ring leader) enough times last year that he and I don't have an issue anymore. He kicks off with Head Teacher (which, fair enough -- I had to earn my stripes with him, as well), but shuts up and cuts the crap when I jump in and ask him what's wrong. Which kind of really annoys Head Teacher, a lot. Like I said, I've already been through the fire with Joonghyeon. We've got out relationship established.

Anyway, there are a couple of jerkoffs who sit with him who I just can't be bothered with, to be honest. Today, just as I looked to their group to get their answer to a question, one of them came out with "fuck" for no apparent reason. They're too old and too advanced to be pulling that shit. It's not like when they're first graders and don't really understand the impact of speaking a foreign langauge. They know better. The thing about it is, you can scream at them until you're red in the face for using bad words, but it's not going to do anything curtail it for one fucking second. They say the words because they are bad words and because they upset people like teachers. So there's no point in getting "angry" about it.

What does usually work is calmly explaining, so that the entire class can hear, that that word is a bad word in your language, and that it gives you a really bad feeling to hear it out of the students like that, because it feels like it's especially for you -- because you are the native English teacher. They may not have said the word to you (not one of my students would ever), but that's how it feels.

It makes them uncomfortable as shit, especially as all their peers are watching and feeling guilty by association to the point where boys who are on the complete other side of the room and had nothing to do with it will start apologizing. This is too strong for the babies -- they really don't even realize the impact those words can have, but for third graders, I think it's fair enough. They need to start to learn that even if they don't mean to do something, that doesn't remove their responsibility for having done it.

Anyway. I went to kind of give the speech today, and the kid in front of the kid who said the word was looking back and giggling while I was lecturing the offender. Which was making the offender giggle. And I just stopped. They were pretty much prepared for me to completely blow up. But I didn't. I just said, you know what? Let me finish and we'll see how you feel. If you feel like laughing. When you say that word in front of me, in my native language, it gives me a horrible feeling. You make me feel bad when you say that word. If you think that's funny, that's okay. There's nothing I can do about that. But I just want you to know that you made me feel bad.

I'll put it this way -- I'm not sure my relationship with this student will ever recover from how embarrassed he was at that moment. And I don't really care. He's clearly made a choice in life to act like an asshole, and that's fine. But I don't have to tolerate being mocked and bested in front of my other students. You want to try to embarrass me? You better be absolutely sure you actually have the high ground first.

Anyway, now he and Joonghyeon are downstairs at the haksaengbu getting their uh.... very reasonable verbal scolding, I'm sure. Because they didn't start shit with me for the rest of class, but took it out on Head Teacher as soon as the bell rang instead. The best part? All of this happens every week in front of one half of Head Teacher's homeroom class. It's bad luck. And I want to tell her that that's just the way that Joonghyeon is until he feels like you've somehow earned his respect -- that I had nearly a year of going round and round with him. But I don't know if she'll ever get there, honestly. She's too busy locking horns with him directly. Which is just going to make him dig his heels in more.

Anyway. Dramatic times. I wasn't actually upset that the kid said fuck. Obviously. And it didn't really 'give me a bad feeling'. I could care less. But I feel responsible for teaching them that their language in English does have an impact, and that's part of it. Plus, I don't like fuckers thinking they can just get away with shit. Pisses me off.

The namja goes back to the army.

I don't know what to say. Today was pretty much just shit. Work is shit. One of the first graders is a real little shit. Several coworkers are shit. But whatever. I think my attitude is also a bit shit at the moment. I will feel better tomorrow.

The real point is, the S.O. went to do is his army reserves training today and, much to my shock, has come back out saying what seem to me to be completely insane things about North Korea. He's not a violent or angry person, and to even try to imagine him angry kind of does my head in -- it's that much of a stretch. But the amount of exclamation points that were involved..... I dunno. It was worrying. I did my best to respond respectfully. I mean, what the fuck do I know? But I made it clear that it's my opinion that citizens of a dictatorship do not deserve to be violently punished because of their leader's actions. The regime is one thing -- the people are another.

I mean, I get it. I'm not a complete idiot. If something comes to serious blows with North Korea, the South cannot have their army faltering out of ideological hesitation. I know what armies are for. And I'm not.... well. I'm not completely anti-military. My brother's in the military, and so were my grandfathers on both sides. I know that people condescend about the military too easily and too often. And I know that this is not a world where we can all lay down our arms and fucking hug.

But "hate" is a fucking strong ass word, is all I'm saying. And I will forever see a separation between a government and the citizens of that government, particularly when there is no democracy involved. I think I've just had a slanted amount of interactions with South Koreans who consider North Koreans to be family, from whom they've been separated. That is to say, I've had a lot more interaction with South Korean women. Who never went to the army and never underwent nearly two years of ideological training on the subject.

Anyway, in the end the subject was peaceably dropped without the need to see eye-to-eye. I don't know. I just had flashes of the S.O. telling me about the time he was Mormon for a few months, because he's too easily swayed by other people's opinions. And, at the end of the day, I don't want to be just another person swaying him. So I'll say my piece and then let it go. After all he is Korean and I am not. It's easy enough for me to have my opinions. It means something entirely different to him, and, if his ideas do need correcting, then I can leave that up to the other Koreans in his life who are far better equipped to address the issue than I am.

'attractive oriental man'

• shirtless korean actors
• masculine asian men
• shirtless asian man
• shirtless fat asian (?)
• rain korean sexy
• pretty asian male
• dating korean men

Okay.

• attractive oriental man

Not okay.

N. o. t. okay.

What Teachers Make.

My momma posted this on Facebook.

In general.

Just a general mash-up of recent goings-on, then.

Me and Head Teacher, we're working it out. I'm mostly too fucking busy now to be in the office for long enough for her to say anything too abominable. She has, however, taken to giving me hugs with very little warning on the regular. That's right -- skinship: we've got it. I don't know. I'm not a hugger. I don't generally feel the need to hug my colleagues ever, let alone on a fairly regular basis. But what the fuck. At least she seems to have no clue that she drives me up the wall. That's something I've worked fairly hard on, because she's not trying to be a cunt. She just kind of is one. Some people just are. That's the way God made them, I guess. And making them aware of it rarely does any good.

I've also put a lot of effort into trying to find her funny, rather than irritating. For example, today during the English teachers' class, we were talking about Las Vegas. Fuck knows why. But she was trying to tell me how much money she lost/won. But she left out the operative word. I started to try to ask her which it was, but she thought she had already worked out what my question was going to be ("How much?") and just settled onto answering that one about seventeen times in a row without giving me the audible space to actually ask the question. The result was her repeating "fifty fifty dollars fifty fifty fifty dollars fifty fifty fifty fifty" in rapid fire, just like that, for approximately thirty seconds. I just stared at her, and then pretended to cough in order to cover up the huge laugh I was about to come out with, due to the pure absurdity of the situation. I mean.... really? You're an actual person right now?

She does that a lot. Assumes she knows what I'm about to ask and then repeats a totally useless answer for a good, long while without giving me a chance to interject and explain that that's not what I'm trying to ask. Or, if I don't constantly nod and say "right.... right.... right...." while she's talking, she'll get stuck on a word and repeat it about fifty times until I say "right" and then she'll move on. I realize she's got insecurities in English, or whatever, but if you're not sure of what's going on, it's usually best not to bulldoze over the other person while they're trying to clarify. That's what she is though -- a massive fucking verbal bulldozer.

Speaking of verbal bulldozing, today the after school class decided it would be funny to clown me while I was scolding some students by "listening and repeating". I mean. I'm trying really hard not to be a scary bitch. I am. But that was just well out of order. I've made a promise to myself not to shout in that class at all, or even raise my voice. Because it's too much -- they're too little. But the look I gave them spoke volumes and they cut the shit. Things are coming along, though. I had to break up one team today because they couldn't stop being cunts to each other, but now they've been mixed in with other groups where they are all the outcasts, so that's fun time over for them. It's also been made very clear that throwing shit is not an option. I laid it out for them once, very clearly. One kid, Hyeonjoon, lost his darling little head and tossed an eraser into the air. The horrified looks everyone gave him when they saw me see it put him straight, though.

Like I said, they're not trying to be bad. Which is why I've got myself on shouting restriction. They're just still at that age where they can't hold a lot of information in their little brains at the same time, and things slip out from time to time. It really doesn't help that there are only two kids in the class who have even a basic knowledge of anything at all in English. For example, I was getting dead frustrated today when I was saying, "Listen! Listen!", trying to get them to stop shouting out answers to the last question so I could explain something, and they just continued on. Then I remembered that they don't fucking have a clue what "listen" means -- I changed to, "Be quiet!" and they instantly fell silent. Then, I explained that "listen" is the same as "be quiet" and they nodded -- aaaaah!

We're just going to have to take it one step at a time. I held Taehyeon after today, because he had a little trouble not talking too much during the lecture. I told him, in the most basic words I could muster, that he helps me a lot during class, because he's always trying to give an answer, and he always pays attention. And that I need him to keep talking, and keep giving answers. That I like that. But. But. But. I just repeated "but" until suddenly his face shifted with realization and he nodded --- ah, I know! Too much talking, right Teacher? That's right, Taehyeon. Too much talking. I explained that he is his team's leader, and also a leader in the class, so he needs to take some responsibility not to go off course too much. He puffed his chest out and gave a staunch acknowledgment of the task I was giving him. Hopefully, Taehyeon will be mostly an asset from now on.

Other than that, my regular classes are going really well. I don't know what the deal is, but we rarely have any problems at all these days. The kids are well on board with giving it their all in nearly every class, including the lower level boys. That shit is normal at the beginning of the semester, but it's usually tapered off by now. They're still going strong, though, and I'm enjoying it immensely.

Now, there's just one little thing I'd like to add: in the last 24 hours, the following Google searches have led to my blog:

• sexy asian guys
• bondage man
  
• shirtless asian guy
• gong yoo shirtless
• hot shirtless korean guys

You all need to get off the internet and go get laid. For real. 24 hours. And a couple of those were more than once. Get it together, now.