Enjoying our daytime lives.

So, Saturday night was kind of a shit show. Which I fully knew had the potential to happen. There were a lot of good parts to it. A lot of important parts, which I'm going to keep being vague about. But there was some really bad shit that went down as well. Not for me, directly, but still. As Busan put it, it might be time to "enjoy our daytime lives" for a while. In other words, it's nearly spring and time to put the clubs and bars and all-night nonsense behind me for a bit. Wake up early on Saturday mornings and enjoy the weather and the city, alcohol-free. Not completely alcohol-free, obviously. This is still Korea we're dealing with, after all.

The sad part is, I don't think anyone involved was even drunk. It's just that atmosphere that can make things go all wrong, in the same way that, on the right night and in the right mood, it can make everything seem fantastic. And part of it was.

At any rate, from the way my ex Co is making things sound, I'm going to need my head about me in the coming months anyway. According to her, she had a nice long chat with my new main co on Friday and she's basically completely against everything she said. Ex Co is, it might be important to note, in the process of trying to convince me to come over to her new school when the current foreign teacher's contract ends. Which might be a possibility, depending on how right she is about this new co-teacher.

Basically the issues Ex Co took with New Co surrounded the fact that, in Ex Co's opinion, New Co expects me to do all of her work. I'll apparently be taking over the English library, the English reading competitions, the English club, and possibly the English after school program. All of it, and all of the work involved behind it. Ex Co considered that all to be her responsibility, as the head of the English department. Apparently, New Co considers her job as head of the English department to be managing me while I do all of that myself.

I'm not making up my mind about this yet. As EC drove me home from hwaeshik on Friday night, she sighed in exasperation as I explained that it might be a good thing. Because I could use the experience, and I could learn a lot. Haven't I been the one complaining recently to Busan that my job isn't as challenging as it used to be? However, I think it will only be a good thing if NC goes about it with the right attitude. If she's as much of a bitch as EC is making her out to be, we might have some problems.

This is why forming good relationships with as many of your co-workers and higher-ups as you can is important. I don't have any fear about this situation. I won't need this one new co-teacher's recommendation or support, if I choose to leave. All of my previous co-teachers and our outgoing VP have told me that any time I want to leave my current school, I will always have a position open at theirs. I don't have to stress out about it at all.

Either way, I'm not pre-judging. And I'm not stressing out at this point. I can handle seven months of a hard work situation, no problem.

Only one way to find out. This week, it will begin.

A few quick notes.

A few quick things because I'm running late as shit to get myself together and get out the door for what's going to be a pretty amazing night. Why? Because I, as I had already expected, I wasn't able to find the bus stop OUT of the way I went in, because it was my first attempt at doing so. And I suck at that. So now, without further ado:

1. Roboseyo and Gomushin Girl.... so nice to meet you! I really wish I had the time to stick around and shoot the shit. But I need to come back sometime when we can really settle in, because I'm too shy and reserved the first time meeting new people. Lovely to put faces with names. I hope to see those faces again very soon.

2. Blackout Korea blog nonsense..... look. It's fucking stupid what they've done. I know it is. But it was kind of all stupid in the first place. A lot of people are talking out of both sides of their mouths now: Those Koreans who passed out drunk in public shouldn't have done that! Didn't they know something like someone taking their photos and posting them on the internet could happen?

Well. Yeah. Where was that reasoning process when you decided to submit your photo to someone for the sole purpose of posting it on the internet in a country where you know nationalism and psychotic netizenism go hand in hand way too often?

I mean. I'm just saying.

3. The drunken foreign teacher suicide article calling for stricter and more effective screening processes for foreign teachers..... I'm sorry. I agree. I have no illusions about this resulting in anything more than more useless paperwork, rather than an actual improvement in the interviewing practices and processes, but anything to keep children safe. You have to be particular about who you allow to work with children. You do. And I will support anything that makes that possible, even if it results in more hassle for me personally. Always.

Now I'm off! Possibly not back until Monday. But I do have a lot I'm holding off on saying personally. Hwaeshik was enlightening in a lot of ways, and it seems there will be a lot of changes coming my way this year. But I'll get into it later. Take care until then, lovelies!

Hwaeshiking.

New all time low in PE teacher misbehavior at 회식: renting an extra private room at 노래방 to drag me into alone. The head PE teacher kept freaking out and trying to shove my co-teachers in after me, but they were having none of it. 리즈샘 괜찮다. 걱정하지마.

And I was. And it was. And I could smoke out in the open and everything. And they sang "비와 당신의 이야기" and "하루하루" for me. And I came home unmolested, virtues in tact.

Um. That's all I'm coherent enough to type tonight. Basically, I love hwaeshik. And now I'm going to do the wise thing and take myself off the internet and go to bed.

힘내!

Well things just seem to be going kind of shit for a lot of people right now. Co's just made the incredibly difficult decision to split with her boyfriend of 8 years, which involves all kinds of tragic drama that I'm not even about to get into, and another one of my closest co-teachers finally told me today that she's separated from her husband. She's got two small children, who are lovely and who likely have no way of comprehending what is happening to their family. My other closest co is going through all kinds of trouble because her brother's baby has been and will remain very ill, and her parents have moved up to 'help out', but it's just created a situation where my co is now taking care of three people instead of one.

I don't even know what to say to any of these people at all. They just look so sad and beat down and not themselves. Hwaeshik today was kind of a disaster and I spent the majority of the time making everyone laugh by speaking Korean to the five year old at the table to an extent that my coworkers have never heard me do before. They are well aware of how much I understand, but they had no idea how much I speak, and how funny it sounds, or how it comes out all in mixed up levels of politeness when I'm dealing with small kids and am not really sure what the fuck form I should be using, with polite set as my auto-default.

I don't know what else to do when people are sad, other than try to distract them. I don't want to tell them everything's alright, because that's patronizing and belittling of their emotions. I don't want to ask loads of questions and make them talk about it if they don't want to.

In other news, I got to bond with the PE teachers on a whole other level thanks to Busan's excessive attempts at exposing me to basketball culture. By that, I mean, I was able to rattle off a couple of team names and players' names and that was about it. But they were well pleased with the whole situation. And then the conversation turned to how I had become aware of such things, and then it entered a whole other level of awkward and now I'm pretty sure the entire school will be aware of way too much of my personal business within 24 hours. So, hooray for that.

Gutted that I was hit in the face with a surprise goodbye hwaeshik this Friday evening (which I honestly should have been expecting) and so I won't get to finally meet Burndog after all. But with the fever I'm running after carrying around a small child for most of the day, it might be for the best. This year is going to be a really hard goodbye, anyway, as two of the co's who are going have become very, very dear to me. Especially my main co. Luckily, she's just moving to a neighboring school, where she will become the co of one of my weoneomin friends, so I'm sure we'll still be in touch and seeing each other from time to time.

I mean. It's spring. Things are going pretty well for me, other than the illness I can't quite shake. I hate to see the people I care about feeling down. It makes me feel pretty helpless. But things are bound to get better. They really are.

Tomorrow I'll be out to Bucheon to bake cupcakes with another coworker's daughters. That'll lift anyone's spirits. For sure, for sure. And I've got a hell of a weekend planned anyway. Chins up, everyone.

dating with korean man

Haha. Wrong box. I mean. So to speak.

Edit: Okay. Since someone is obviously having some issues confusing the "ask anything" with a search box, let me just explain....

I don't blog in detail about my personal dating life, but I have written a few posts about dating in Korea if that' the sort of thing you're looking for. You can find them here, here, here, here and here.

If you're looking for a more personal take on things, you can check out Dating in Korea, Hot Yellow Fellows or It's Daejeon Darling -- three lovely ladies who I am proud to now call close friends. Through their blogs, you can find dozens of others on the same subject. And if you really want to, you can email me direct with any questions you might have: imnopicasso@gmail.com

Um. Good luck?

Ask me anything

My sweet babies....

.... Didn't I ask you to please ignore them?

I deal with adolescent children all day every day. I do know how to handle this. Please trust me.

빨리 말해.

Oh man. Quickly, now, because my girls are coming to see me at work today (since I have nothing else to do). That is, YJ and YL, two daughters of a teacher I work with. I usually see them for hours every week, but it's been nearly two months. I'm dead excited. And a little bit wary. Their mother told me that the youngest, YL, has not been at all herself lately. Worries that she feels depressed, or is getting hassled at school. YL has such an unbelievably outgoing personality that it's hard for someone like me, who was dead quiet at school and also mostly at home growing up, to imagine that. But her mother asked me to see if I could get her to talk about what's going on, because she's not having any luck working it out for herself. Anyway. I'm excited to see them. And I'm excited for the spring weather to go ahead and finally show up, so that we can spend more time doing things outside together.

I've been really, really worried about my replacement co-teachers at work. Last week, Co informed me that all but one of the incoming English teachers were "old" and that she was really worried about me next year. But yesterday, as I was walking down the stairs to leave the building at lunch time, I ran smack into a familiar face -- one of the teachers I taught at a training course a year ago. "LIZ!" She ran over and grabbed my hands and asked me how my brother in the Navy is doing and all kinds of other things. She was a big fan of my session at the training course, because .... well, because I don't entirely feel comfortable lecturing actual proper teachers, and mostly just "led" them in conversation about cultural issues between themselves and their weoneomin instead. Aka, I just asked questions and let them talk.

Turns out, this is the P's BFF. She dragged me out of the building and into the VP's car, and I was shuttled off to lunch with them against my will. She spent the entire time in the car raving about me to the VP, who really just could not give a shit, and then most of lunch doing the same to the P, who looked slightly uncomfortable.

Anyway. It's a load off that I know she won't hate me, at least. And also, she asked if I had signed a new contract with the school. I told her I had, and would be there until October. "ONLY October?! Why are you leaving in October?" Because your best friend is kind of a jerk who thinks that the foreign teacher is not really a teacher, but kind of a sideshow, and therefore would prefer to replace me with a "different kind" of foreigner who is a brand new teacher and has no idea what they're doing?

"I don't know."

"No. You stay."

Well, okay then. At least I know I'll have someone to go to bat for me when August rolls around. And as far as I can tell, she's a fucking force to be reckoned with.

Bits and pieces.

Smalltown is such a doll and I'm going to miss him so much. It's time to finally just say that, as he's flying out in less than two days' time. He absolutely blew my phone to bits this afternoon, after he rang last night and I didn't answer, as I was at the study room. I got home at about 5:30 today and saw that my phone was ringing with an international phone call. I still haven't got my stomach reflexes under control about what that could mean, since my grandfather's series of strokes, news about cancer, and finally death this past year. I answered, heart racing, only to hear someone frantic and far-away sounding on the other end.

Eventually I managed to work out that it was Smalltown on Skype. His phone's already been turned off here (went off around 4:30 or so this afternoon, I would say, based on the ridiculous call records). Somehow, after speaking to me on Friday night and knowing there was someone in my apartment with me, who I failed to identify, hearing about what had happened with IDD and all the subsequent blogging nonsense that blew up, knowing that myself and the girls were going out on Saturday night unattended by any males.... well, somehow he cobbled all of this together, added in the fact that I wasn't answering my phone, and freaked the fuck out. Whiskey, I hear you even got a phone call, for which I sincerely apologize. Haha.

That's a good man, for you.

Another good man is my little Taeyoung at the study room, who I got to know (and who got to know me) on a whole new level, thanks to the fact that we were working on "wishes" last night. I failed to realize that the game we were meant to be playing together would mean that I would have to make "wishes" about my friends, family and, worst of all, future husband. Taeyoung ate it all up, and didn't fail to provide any shortage of follow-up questions. I, in turn, learned taht Taeyoung has a young girl he quite fancies at church, who gave him chocolate on Sunday, and to whom he plans to give chocolate next month on White Day. One of his wishes was to have a girlfriend. I explained that he is a man, now (fifteen -- har har), and he's in charge of making that wish come true. But he explained to me, patiently, that he is still too young for a girlfriend, and that their love, if it is true, will withstand a couple more years of waiting, until they are in high school and appropriate dating age. He then turned his questioning on me, and I responded essentially more like a fifteen year old boy ought to. I don't trust you all as much as I trust Taeyoung, so I will leave it at that.

At the end of our session, he insisted on walking me to the bus stop, as the world is a very dangerous place, and he is a man who must protect me. On the way there, he carefully formed questions about why I had come to Korea, and if I was ever going to leave. Even in his peckish English, he managed to make these questions sound warm and polite, as opposed to the off-putting way they can sometimes be formed.

Today, when I came out of the building, there were some unfamiliar high school students playing soccer on the pitch outside. Unfamiliar, until I heard one of them say my name, followed by "Teacher", and turned to take a closer look. Fuck sake -- last year's third graders. Just when I thought they couldn't possibly get any taller or filled-out, they've gone and proven me wrong. These were some of the students I was closest to last year, and I hardly recognized some of them, until they spoke. They all came over to shake my hand and I barely had time to recover from the shock of the state of them before I turned to head out. Unbelievable.

In other news, I'm sick again. And multiple people are now calling me. So that's it for now.

Bye-bye.

Okay. It's time to say goodbye to our "special" guests of late over here at INP. I've let them have their uh.... say in things. But this is not Dave's ESL. I do not need lonely old men cluttering up my blog with their absurdities. From now on, the comments go. If they're up for a while before I get to them, I'm going to respectfully ask that other people just let them froth and dribble without response until I can get to them. Because none of us need the negativity. Or the utter insanity. Bye-bye, "Wash Your Hair in Feces" Iron! Bye-bye, "The Grand Kids Just Don't Visit As Often As They Used To" Steve. Annyeong! A little parting gift for the pair ah yas:

Personal nonsense rambling.

What a complete and utterly lovely weekend I've had. It's been a long time since I've written anything about the personal life in this blog, because it always feels a bit awkward for whatever reason now, but I'm afraid I've got little else to offer in the next couple of weeks, while work is on hold and I won't be teaching classes. So, a bit of a blow-by-blow, then. For old time's sake.

Friday night was two bottles of wine and me nervously cooking chicken and broccoli penne alfredo, which was given rave reviews, no doubt out of kindness alone. Anyway, it was eaten. I guess now's as good a time as any to give the guy a name. We'll call him Busan.

Saturday morning blended into Saturday afternoon, a bit lazy and slow with coffee and ordered-in Chinese. Finally, in the evening, the girls (Dating in Korea and It's Daejeon Darling) made it out to my humble city. We sat in watching ridiculous things on the internet, generally gossiping and cutting up while drinking soju and beer until we thought it might be best to head out around midnight.

You see, the big plan was to finally go to a host bar. Or, rather, a model bar. Which as far as I can tell is a downgraded version. But in the end, we didn't have it in our hearts this weekend. It didn't help that when we walked past, they'd installed a code-lock on the door and a CCTV camera and it all just seemed too serious and complicated. We'd all had an extremely long and fairly emotional week, and didn't need large levels of complication. We just headed to one of the more low-key foreigner bars and proceeded to mind our own damn business and continue talking just with each other. Which was going fine. Until a man with a dog approached our table and seemed taken aback when we didn't leap out of our seats, cooing. He was wise and polite and dignified enough to see that we were obviously there to keep our own company for the evening, and quickly and gracefully extracted himself from the situation. His extremely inebriated friend wasn't so quick, and, instead, stood there and got himself into hotter and hotter water.

His big opening line was to ask us how long we'd been in Korea. Three years, said Grace. Two and a half, I answered. I don't think IDD even managed to get to her answer, before he backed up and said, "I'm sorry. I asked you, 'How long have you been here?'" We repeated our answers with blank faces. "Why would you want to stay so long in a country like this?"

We all three physically drew back away from him. "Wrong table," I informed him. A stupid verbal scuffle ensued, in which he accused me of being defensive because I must a. have a Korean boyfriend and b. enjoy Korean drinking culture. I informed him that he was being offensive, and pointed out that he probably wouldn't feel very comfortable if I were to, for example, point to his girlfriend of two-and-a-half years and say, "Why would you stay with that woman for so long?" I also pointed out that we didn't seem to be the ones who had had too much to drink, in regards to his second point.

There was another stupid portion of the conversation, in which he accused Grace of not being from where she's from, and not being the ethnicity which she is. At which point she informed him that she had never been so offended by any person so many times in such a short amount of time. He finally decided it would be best if he fucked the fuck off.

We finished our pitcher quickly and got the hell out of there. But we ended up being followed down the stairs by a guy who was completely taken with IDD. She told him she was sorry, but she was with her friends for the evening, and we were leaving. He hesitated for a long time and then sulked back into the bar. We were making our way down the street outside, cracking jokes about what had just occurred, when suddenly I heard the girls behind me bust out laughing. Behind us a little way's with a face as innocent as a five-year-old child's was the same guy from the stairs, being followed hesitatingly by one of his friends. He froze in the middle of the street and stared pitifully after us once we'd turned around and noticed him. His friend approached and explained that they were very sorry, that they didn't speak English, and we all stood there in probably literally the most awkward silence I've ever experienced for a few minutes.

These guys has been in the bar in the first place because they'd come to bring a birthday cake for one of the bartenders who I know for a fact is a gold-star Good Guy, so I figured they must not be so bad. We finally gave up and told them where we were headed, and said they could join if they wanted. They went back to the other bar to get the rest of their group. It was a good night of friendly (if stilted) conversation all around, while Grace and I and the rest of the guy group all just tried to keep ourselves occupied and not make it too awkward for the couple who were sitting at the end of the table clearly not being able to communicate. Eventually, the cute bartender showed up carrying his own birthday cake, and we all ate together and had one more pitcher before telling the guys we had to head out. It was nice to sit and talk with a group of men who were completely non-aggressive, over-the-top or offensive for once. Especially this weekend.

Headed out to get samgyeopsal before heading home to bed, where we spent even more time laughing until our stomachs ached before finally falling asleep. Woke up this afternoon and fooled around for a few more hours, before deciding to try to make waffles on my new waffle iron, which was sort of a complete disaster until Grace took over. They've just gone home a couple of hours ago. But not before I texted Busan and put in a request to introduce the girls to some of his friends, who are kind. The one good thing to come out of this experience this week is that I feel like we're all just completely through putting up with garbage. We're through making excuses for men and their bad behavior and atrocious opinions. Our bullshit tolerance quotas have been met, and we're on the edge about any kind of nonsense that comes our way. Who needs it? So. We'll see how that pans out.

But the important thing is, a good weekend laughing and getting back to balanced with good friends. And fuck anybody who tries to fuck with that. I'm looking at you, Obnoxious Drunk Friend-of-the-Guy-With-a-Dog Guy.

Whatever whatever.

Hahaha. Oh. It gets to a certain point, and you just have to laugh. And remember that the vast majority of people who have gotten involved on all fronts in this entire situation have been sane, decent, supportive human beings. I'm as proud of being a man as I am of being white. Fucking classic. I bet you had to work really hard on that one. Now, if you'll excuse me, this chain-smoking unrapeable drunken trollop has to go attend to her greasy hair and lice-infested bush.

Seriously. A lot of discussions have popped up all over as a result of this situation, and the women are all saying the same thing. And the vast majority of the men are supporting them in that. If the rest don't feel like accounts of first-hand experience are more valid than their half-cocked, embittered self-formed philosophies, then that's fine. I hope they enjoy continuing to stroke their own keyboards. The whole experience has just reminded me of exactly why I keep the men I do around me in my life. Because they're thoughtful, intelligent, hilarious, supportive, and completely and utterly unthreatened. Because they are strong, good men. And they know it.

So. I'm in an emotional way, at any rate. Today my very first first graders graduated middle school. I don't even know what it will be like not seeing them in the hallways anymore. They've been there from the beginning, and it's going to feel like a completely different school without them. Got off early and headed to Homeplus to pick up some things for this weekend. Got a message somewhere in the middle that means I have a surprise guest coming out tonight. Said guest has already been warned that myself and my flat will be in no state, due to boiler issues, and that I will be in the midst of doing housework when said guest arrives. So if that's alright, then that's alright. I don't have the energy to try to make things better than they are today. But I'll probably try to cook a nice dinner anyway. Because I'm a hopelessly neurotic host.

So. Off to scrub everything, including myself. Do the laundry. Get the supper on. Etc. Should be back on Sunday with a pretty classic account. If you're one of these psychos who's all bent out of shape about white women dating Korean men, and has somehow gotten this issue mixed up with rape, then feel free to stick around for that. You're going to love it. And I'm going to love giving it to you.

Why you need to watch your mouth about rape.

As Hot Yellow Fellows put it, I can't believe I'm having to make this post. Except that I can. Because the moment the post that's spurring all of this on went up, I knew full well what was coming. Why? Because she deserved it? No. Because people are often predictable, in a really horrific, terrifying way.

I'm going to start with something simple. A very simple statement of what should be obvious fact, which every decent-hearted human being should be able to agree with. Without hesitation. Without a "however" or a "but" or a "having said that". Without a disclaimer. Without correction. Without justification. A woman should be able to wear whatever she wants, drink whatever she wants, fall asleep wherever she wants, talk to whomever she wants, take whomever she wants home, start to have sex with whomever she wants, 'lead on' whomever she wants, 'send signals' to whomever she wants and not wake up raped the next morning. There is nothing anybody on the face of this planet can do that invites, validates, excuses, causes or deserves being raped. Nothing. Ever. Under any circumstances.

Do we live in a world where women have to be careful? Yeah. We do. Why? Because people make excuses for rape for more readily than they make excuses for any other kind of disgusting behavior. No one wants to accept that. It sounds terrifying, and it's hard to believe of humankind. But it's true. If your friend were to get mugged at gunpoint walking home past dark with a wallet full of cash, would your first instinct be to inform him that he should have (not) done "x", "y" and "z"? Did he deserve to get mugged? Was he asking for it? Did he invite it? Did he bring it on himself? If you thought so, would you feel the need to tell him?

More to the point, why don't men 'need to be careful'? If your male friend met a guy at a club and in a drunken haze, let the guy into his apartment to crash out for the night, and woke up with the guy fucking him up the ass, would you tell him he should have been more careful? Or would you finally see it for the truly horrific thing that it is? When you take away the aspect of a woman needing to know better, a woman needing to watch out for herself, a woman being the one in the situation who is responsible for a man's behavior?

But whatever. I'm tired of trying to explain these kinds of things. You think she deserved it. That she had it coming. That she invited it. Fine. That's your own fucked up logic. You have to live with that. You're making your choices in reasoning out of a pathetic fear-based sense that if you can somehow make it her fault, you don't have to face up to the fact that it could very easily happen to you, or to a woman you love. But you need to keep that to yourself. And here's why: Because statistics say that it has already happened to you, or to a woman you love.

No? Am I wrong on this one? Surely if something like that had happened to someone you love, they would have told you about it. You would know. But, to the best of our knowledge on this very murky, very hesitantly reported issue, one in six women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. One in four college women report having survived rape or attempted rape since their fourteenth birthday. Do you love at least six women? Do you love four? Take a second to count up your female relatives. Ex girlfriends. Do the math for yourself.

This part is especially for the men, because I have an idea that the women already know. Or should know. We don't talk to you about this. This is an area of our reality that you are almost completely locked out of. Why? Because so many times, it's already happened. We get up the nerve to bring it up, to point it out, to speak with a loved and trusted male relative, friend or lover. And what comes out of their mouths in response? Doubt. Questions. Should-haves. Let it happen to you one time. Let yourself open up to someone about one of the most horrific things that can ever happen to a human being having happened to you, and let that person who you've loved and trusted with the most vulnerable part of you turn around and immediately question the validity of that experience, or your responsibility in that experience, and see how eager you are to even chance it happening a second time. Let that person be a person who you've trusted with your body, who is now somehow justifying the worst thing anyone ever did to it. Lay awake at night and think about what that means about his way of thinking about your body, and what rights he may or may not have in relation to it.

I know why you do it. I know you don't want to think about the fact that one in six women is sexually assaulted, and 99% of rape is perpetrated by men. I know you don't want to think about what that does to women, in relation to men, or even worse..... what that means about the fact that you definitely know more than six men. I know you don't want to think about how your mom, plus your grandmother, plus your two sisters, your girlfriend and your aunt equals six. I know you don't want to wonder, which one?

But this is reality we're dealing with. These are facts. Facts that women don't get a choice in facing. So why don't you have to? Why don't you have to take responsibility for your words and your thoughts? It's not enough to relieve the men who rape of their responsibility not to rape, but now we're supposed to excuse you from yours in how you think and talk about rape?

That's fine. Don't take responsibility for it. But know this: the next time the conversation 'hypothetically' goes there, or you post something on the internet for all to see, think about the women who are present at the table, in the room, or who read your blog, facebook, or forums. Think about what, statistically, is likely to have happened to them. Think about how it will make them feel to hear or see those words coming from you. Someone they love. Someone they've trusted. Think about how many times they've had to sit there and silently endure this 'hypothetical' conversation before, how many other men they've heard say, "Yeah, but to be fair.... " or, "I'm not saying she was asking for it, but..." Think about how much she's already lost to that one 'mistake'. That one time she had one drink too many. That one time she decided to let the wrong guy into her home. That one time she should have known better. But she didn't. And she was raped. And she had her whole world turned upside down. And she can't even tell anyone about it, because all they will do is tell her what she already knows. What she can't go back and change. About what she did not deserve. Under any circumstances. What she will spend the rest of her life coping with.

Does she need to hear you say it? Does she need to hear you say it?

Then don't say it.

If you want a job done right....

I'm going to make a really mundane post right now, and then in a minute... or maybe after I take a fucking much, much needed shower, I'm going to talk about something much more serious. But first, the mundane.

Anyone reading the other blog will be well-aware that my boiler was sputtering around all week and then finally just fucking gave up the ghost yesterday. I'm fucking cold. I'm a Texan. And I'm neurotic about showering and keeping a clean flat. One night was enough. More than.

I told Co as soon as I got in this morning. I asked her if she would mind helping me call a repair man, or seeing if the maintenance ajeosshi could come out and have a look. Then, I patiently waited. Around lunchtime, I thought I maybe should remind her, since I hadn't heard her talking about it on the phone to anyone yet. But, just as we were finishing eating, some of the other Korean teachers mentioned to her that I looked tired and a little ill. She explained that I had been without heat the night before, and had had to bathe in cold water this morning. They ooed and ahhed over what a poor thing I was, and I figured, Co's got this. I don't need to mention it again.

I came back from my last class (six class), and she didn't mention anything, so I finally brought it up again. I guess I didn't manage to communicate something clearly this morning. It's probably my fault, because I'm a bit goosey about asking for help with things, and in an effort to not seem somehow expectant or demanding (between that and the language barrier) I think I probably made it seem as though I didn't want or need help. By this time, it was nearly 3:00. As I well know, far too late to place a phone call for a repairman in Korea and expect him to show up the same day. Although had I wanted to have an entire internet line installed, that could've been accomplished inside of fifteen minutes.

So, I've been sitting here wrapped in layers on the cold floor trying not to climb into bed under six blankets or think about how I'm going to manage to make myself presentable for the parents at the graduation ceremony tomorrow with only cold water to work with, when I realized that every other fucked up dumbass problem I've had in this flat with the plumbing, I've managed to handle myself. I told myself I should probably stop at fucking with the boiler. But how hard could it be?

I dug out my Phillips head and went to have a look. A fucking tube has mysteriously dislodged itself and the damn thing is sputtering water all up in the insides and fucking shit up. I can't get the tube back on with a clean seal, but I sure as fuck can have at it with the duct tape. I've got it up and running, but I'm not convinced it's going to stay that way for long. But maybe it will be long enough to get this place to a livable temperature and wash my greasy-as-fuck hair without catching pneumonia. My guess is, while I was away, something froze somewhere in the boiler. When I came back and turned it back on, it eventually melted and dislodged the ice, but not before building up enough pressure to blow the tube loose.

The lesson here is that you should never assume you're helpless in the face of these kinds of issues. It's often times much simpler than it seems. If you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself. And if you can't do it yourself, then just jerry-rig the fuck out of it until you can pay someone an arm and a leg to come out and do it for you. Just make sure you keep an eye on him while he does it, so you can just save yourself the trouble and sort it out on your own the next time.

On being an adult.

Aioo. Jinjjah. Last class of last day and I’ve got to have this little cunt in to lecture him about how he’s almost no longer a child, he’s almost a man, and he needs to stop relying on the teacher to control him and start controlling himself. You’re not a baby. You’re in charge of your own behavior and your own choices. You don’t need someone to tell you or make you to do something. You look around at the situation, decide what is the right thing to do, and then you do it. Not the opposite. Not what makes you feel good. Not what brings you the most attention. Not what hurts another person. The right thing. Because you want to be a good man. And a good man does the right thing. Without being told, and without being made to. How hard is that?

I ask that question, and then I think about some of the adults I’ve encountered. A lot of the adults I’ve encountered. I think about what happened to a friend last night, for instance. I guess it is probably too much to ask. But my fifteen-year-old student didn’t think so. He looked ashamed of himself. I guess he’s got it together more than a lot of adults do, then. So fair play to him.

On the radio tonight?

Rob from Roboseyo just emailed to ask me to call in to the TBS radio show he's working on tonight to talk about smoking in public spaces in Korea. Pretty nervous about making an ass of myself by stumbling over my words or something, so you should all tune in around 7:40 for a listen! Thanks to Rob for thinking of me.

Sign language.

Since we're in that awkward week that happens long after everyone has stopped giving a shit, and right before graduation on Friday, and I'm sick to death of showing movies and playing games, and all the temp teachers are gone, so all the boys are back in one massive pan-level class together, I'm teaching the boys sign language this week. I thought it might be a complete disaster resulting in total chaos. Instead, it's resulted in a hilariously absurd level of concentration. Even my first graders who tend to be completely animalistic in nature, and who I am lucky to keep from falling out a window on any given normal day, are sat in their desks staring at me intently, moving their hands with a level of intensity and caution that's almost awkward for their personality type. It's cracking me up.

It's also cracking me up that they can't work out that, facing them, I am doing things backwards from the way they need to be doing them, and that I have to turn around with my back to them and hold my hand out on some letters before they can get it right.

I don't know. Teaching kids is a constant source of wonder about human nature. But I should've known that anything so visual and physical would captivate them. It was the same when we did body parts and they're eyes were glued to me the entire class period, as they silently touched each of their own body parts in turn, matching me gesture for gesture, even though it hadn't even occured to me to suggest for them to do so. It's just further evidence that kids at that age aren't meant to sit passively in chairs and absorb information audibly alone. I'm having very little issue with classroom managment this week, and have scarcely had to utter the words "be quiet" or "settle down". Which is nothing short of a miracle in recombined classes the last week of school.

It's good. I'm looking forward to today. And, after visiting my lovely little Taeyoung at the study room last night and having a great hour-and-a-half session with his brilliant little enthusiastic attitude, I've fallen right back into place. It's going to be really hard, come October, if I am expected to move on to a new school in a new location and a new situation. But I imagine I'll eventually adjust.

One other little note: The boys kept losing their shit every time I said that they needed to leave "no space" between their fingers on certain signs. Whenever I asked them to explain what was so funny, they would just look up at me and repeat, "No space! Hahahahaha!" I finally asked a coteacher about it, and she told me something I should've realized myself. "No space" is exactly how they pronounce the brand name Northface in Korean. Why is that hilarious? That part remains a mystery. I guess in the same way that "terrible" is hilarious because it sounds like "terror bomb" and the graphic for the sign for the letter Y is hilarious because it only has four fingers. Who fucking knows.

Are Korean women really as passive as portrayed in the media?

Which media?

Yes. All Korean women are exactly as passive as they are portrayed in every form of media. At every moment, with every person and in every situation. Exactly.

In other words, I don't know how to answer questions that come from such a loaded, presumptuous starting point. Specifics are your friend when asking questions based around race, ethnicity and even culture.

I think I can basically sort of handle this one by just saying 'no', however. I think that's the safe answer on this one.

But it is going to give me a chance to point something out that gets on my fucking tits. Let's try this again, with a hypothetical question coming from the other direction, yeah?

Korean person: "Are Western women really as slutty as portrayed in the media?"

Again, the first question is, which media? The next question is, what classifies as "slutty"? Because slutty in Western culture is not the same as slutty in Korean culture, and just in general, I'm not a fan of the whole idea to begin with. Am I slut in Korean culture? Am I slut in Western culture? Both cultures have very different concepts of 'slutty' behavior, on the whole. In Korean culture, I could be considered a slut for having a male friend into my apartment alone in the middle of the day. Am I slut, then? Would every Korean consider that slutty behavior? Would some Westerners?

I feel like I'm kind of constantly not answering questions, and lecturing instead. And I can see how that would make people hesitate to ask them of me, but I just can't bypass the fact that a lot of the questions I get start out from (in my opinion) really, really problematic places. This would definitely qualify as one. And, as for the second, hypothetical question, I would feel qualified to really dig into that one. Because I come from Western culture, and I am a Western woman, and I am a Western woman who is learning to live within and adapt to Korean culture. But I'm not a Korean woman, and I don't come from Korean culture, and I have no idea what it feels like to come from Korean culture and have myself examined from the perspective of Western cultural norms. So I guess you're just shit out of luck on this one, Anon. Sorry.

Ask me anything

Back and raring to go.

I'm back. Not going to really write too much about the trip, probably, because I never do. Because that bores me. And if something about myself bores me, I have no doubt that it will definitely bore everyone else. And I do have some social graces.

I am in that awkward re-adjusting period that always happens when you come back to Korea from some time in the English-speaking world where, even if you are actually properly a 'foreigner', you're not really, and you've been around people who've known you for years (decades), rather than months and you stay in your apartment all weekend trying to kick jet-lag's ass and unpack and get yourself in a state fit to attend work on Monday morning and you start to feel the way you did sometimes in the first year, where you were a bit lonely and acutely aware of being in a foreign place. But I expect that will subside the moment I walk into the school building. Where people have known me for years, and where I'm not as foreign as I am on the street. Also, have come back to a lovely set of people on the ground here who feel much more like proper friends than most of the people I was dealing with this time last year. It helps a lot.

Anyway. I can already feel that another cycle has ended, and I'm going to go back to being a proper homebody for the spring. Vacation's over. And it's time to settle in and focus on working hard to improve life here, and myself as a teacher, for another seven months until it's time to take off for a while again. Lots of reading and writing, I expect, both in this blog and outside of it. I hope, anyway.

At any rate, I'm not going to waste too much time dwelling on the 'why do I stay here away from my friends and family and the world that is familiar and easy when I could be outside building a "normal" life, while I'm young and still capable of it' portion of the re-entry period. Because I've been through this nearly a dozen times now, already, and I already know the answers to all of those questions. Time to just get back to living them, with little fanfare, or rather internal drama and carrying-on.

Off to work. Off to see the coworkers and the boys and remember, properly, why I'm here. One little vacation photo for you all. We ended up visiting Florence, as well as Bologna and Venice, because it turns out Bologna is kind of shit. You can rest assured that we made all the necessary puns with the city name while we were present and experiencing them, and as Joffocakes (been a long time since I used that pseudonym....) pointed out, yes, they were all basically the same joke. And only funny because everyone involved already knew they were shit.


The Stepholiz, happy and full in a pizza shop in Florence across from the Duomo. This was after (I think) two pastries and coffees and a sandwich, before gelato, red wine, more coffees and pasta. Haha. What else is there to do in Italy in the winter?